Redemption
by Imstillwaitingfortheraintofall
Summary: Future fic set several years after A is revealed. Paige is a broken shell of her former self, a reclusive loner who stalks the night, fighting crime. What happens when a blast from the past forces her to confront her demons head on? Rated M for theme, language and lady loving
1. Chapter 1

**Pretty Little Liars future fic, set several years after the canon events up to and including 4x20. **

**Everything thereafter is pure alt reality from my mind. McHastings angst, maybe more; I guess it all depends on how events unfold. **

**Rating is based on themes and language for now. This is my first story so reviews are wonderful things, please don't be shy in your critique.**

** I own nothing except the demons in my head. I have no Beta, so my apologies for any errors. **

**Chapter One**

I double over in pain as the knife slices my side, momentarily taking my breath. I curse myself for letting this oaf wound me, and vow to make him pay for it.

I sense more than see the next attack and my body acts on autopilot as it drops me to my hands and knees, avoiding the fist aimed at my face. I spin my body, twisting my leg as I go and sweep my attacker off his feet. His body hits the ground with a satisfying thump, the groan he emits causes my lips to pull back into a savage grin. I bring the weapon in my hands down, the groan instantly changing to an agonized yell. He lasted longer than I thought he would, but it still took me less than three minutes to put him down.

I spring to my feet and kick the knife into one of the piles of garbage bags littering the alley before turning to face my second foe, swirling my staff into a ready position as I do. He looks at me hesitantly and takes an involuntary step backwards, clearly pegging his fallen comrade as the ring leader of tonight felony. I relax my stance and adopt a composed posture, resting the bottom of the quarter staff on the ground, and wait to see if he has the balls to attack first. He doesn't make any effort to approach me, and only his eyes move; flicking between me and his buddy on the ground. I refuse to look at my side, not letting him see I'm injured. I can breath without pain, and I'm not light headed so I know its just a superficial wound which can wait.

The body at my feet tries to rise, a string of curse words falling from his lips, turning the air blue. It takes him three goes before he can gather his feet under him, but eventually he hauls himself upright. From the corner of my eye I can see him holding his side, and I think with amusement that a few cracked ribs will be a nice little memento of tonight failed crime.

The injured guy staggers over to his mate, who look is looking at him with trepidation. He gets in his face and I see spittle fly from his mouth as he yells at him. 'What are you waiting for, a fucking invitation? Get the fucker!'

His eyes flick to me again, the orbs wide with fear. 'I...I...'

He's so pathetic I almost feel sorry for him. Almost. There is only so much sympathy you can muster for a man who has just helped his mate drag a woman into an alley.

The injured guy grabs a handful of his mates shirt and practically throws him at me, causing him to stumble and almost hit the floor. He saves his face from hitting the concrete, then scrabbles away from me as I step forward.

I throw a set of handcuffs on the floor by his feet, the metal clunk as they hit the concrete echoing in the tight space. He looks at them in confusion, his eyes swivelling to me for clarification. 'Put them on'.

I see him physically jump at the sound of my voice, and I again think how effective this voice changer really is. When everything had gone down in Rosewood and A had been revealed, I lifted it from his lair without really understanding why, but now I am grateful I did. It has never failed to unsettle an opponent; even the toughest of street scum hesitate when I issue commands in this voice.

The guy on the floor seems frozen so I again issue my demand. 'Put it on. NOW'.

I'm satisfied as he scrabbles to do as I said, his hands shaking so hard I hear the metal tapping out a tune on the pavement. 'Put it on your right wrist, then stop'.

He obeys me perfectly, so I turn my attention to the real trouble. He is leaning against a dumpster, his breath coming in ragged pants that are clearly painful, yet his face is set in defiant resistance. I roll my eyes at his stupidity, confident in the knowledge that my face cannot be seen under my hood. Why can't he just be like his mate and accept that he's been beaten, literally and figuratively. Instead he is slowly pushing himself upright, squaring his shoulders to have another go.

'Give up now and I won't hurt you again'. I see him think about it, then spit in my direction, signalling his answer to my request. I knew he wouldn't give in, they never do. I like to give them the option though; it makes my eventual win all the more sweet.

I stand still and let him come to me, watching him try to hide the wince as every step jabs knives into his side. He kicks out at his mate as he passes, his shoe catching him in the ribs. The guy on the floor yells in pain and scrambles on his hands and knees to get out of his path. Once again my adversary lets loose with a mouthful of spittle, this time aimed at the cowering figure of what used to be a friend. 'You fucking pussy, you probably wouldn't have been able to get it up anyway'.

My jaw tightens at the reminder of why I'm here; of what these scum bags were intending to do. My eyes flick to the huddled figure by the wall, her arms wrapped so tightly around her body I fear her breathing must be constricted. The weak light from the dirty lamp post reflects the liquid pooled in her eyes, and ringing in my ears is the memory of her terrified scream. The panic filled cry for help that alerted me to her plight had been brutally cut off mid scream, but thankfully it had been enough for me to pinpoint her location.

I subtly alter my grip on the staff, ready to swing it once he is in range. He stops about six feet away, just outside of my reach. He looks ready to collapse, his chest is heaving with the effort to breath and I can see sweat pouring down his face. I'm pretty sure it's sheer rage keeping him on his feet at this point.

'You think you're such a big man, don't ya'. Despite the situation I feel my lip quirk in a smile at his words; if only you knew the truth buddy.

His voice echo's in the alley, any previous attempt to conceal himself abandoned in his need to save face. 'You think you're some kind of ninja with that stick, don't ya? Waving around a fucking branch, twirling and prancing like you're some sort of circus freak'. He spits the last word out, as if it tastes foul in his mouth.

I stay silent, knowing my lack of response will wind him up more. I cock my head to the side and let him vent a while longer, waiting for him to step the two paces forward I need.

'I bet you're not such a big man without your stick are ya'. He glares at me with unconcealed hatred, the red blotches staining the white of his sclera a clear indication of substance abuse. 'I bet you're just a jumped up little prick whose mummy never loved him, so feels the need to put on a costume and try to be a hero by sticking his nose in where it doesn't belong'. He grins at me, his face contorting into a maniacal expression. 'Yeah that's it, isn't it. You're just a snot nosed little shit who still needs mummy to hold his dick while he takes a piss. Your mother cut off your balls, so you try and pretend you've still got them by running round playing vigilante'.

I want to laugh at him, and also kick the crap at of him, in equal measure. Instead I settle for goading him. 'Those are big words coming from a coke snorting, scum sucking rapist like yourself'.

I see him stiffen at my comeback, my words doing what I want them to. 'What's the matter? Don't like a little home truth coming your way?'

'Fuck you'. He takes half a step closer, but stops before my needed radius.

'Says the coke head _rapist_'.

'Don't call me that! She fucking deserves it, they all do! Wearing those tight tops and those little skirts. They're ASKING for it!' His rage is creeping higher and higher, a few more jabs and he'll hit critical mass.

'Tell the truth now. It's the only way you can get it up, isn't it?'

He takes another half step towards me and I know I've almost got him. 'That's the truth isn't it, you dirty smack head'. I let a touch of humour into my voice to stir the pot even more. 'I bet you're just a pitiful limp dicked loser who can't get close to a woman, let alone actually satisfy one; so needs to snatch them off the street instead. The only way you can get any lead in the puny pencil is by terrifying a woman into submission, because that's the only way a woman will ever let you touch her'.

'Shut UP!'

He lunges at me, swinging his fists wildly at my head. I easily evade them, aiming my staff straight at his injured side. The scream when it connects half deafens me, and I know I've done real damage this time. He crumples at my feet, his hands clutching his side. The urge to continue hitting him is powerful, the desire to bestow on this piece of dirt the punishment he truly deserves is roaring in my head, but I force myself to step away. The path I'm on is dark enough that I barely recognise the person in the mirror already; if I let myself slip any further, I might end up with a total stranger looking back at me.

I step over the pitiful excuse for a human being currently writhing on the floor, walking the few paces needed, to his co conspirator. He flinches when I lean towards him, bringing his hands up to cover his face against a supposed impact. I ignore him and grab the handcuff dangling from his wrist, dragging him across the floor to his companion so that I can close the open cuff around the coke heads right ankle. Even if smashed ribs finds the strength to stand in an attempt to get away, he'll be hampered by his mate having to bend over because of the cuff.

Once they are secured I walk away from them, flipping my phone open and dialling the three digits needed. I hear the click as the line connects, the operator asking me which service I require. I switch the voice changer to a softer, but still disguised voice. 'Police. The alley on the corner of Lexington and Third. Two guys trying to rape a woman'.

I hang up as soon as I'm done, sliding the phone back into my pocket. I use my now free hand to grip the staff just above my other hand, twisting the staff in a combination of moves that makes it electronically compact into half the size. Once it's done I slide it into the sheath strapped to my back, safely securing the most valuable item I own to my body.

I slow my feet as I approach the woman, stopping two steps away from her. I crouch down in her eye line, keeping my posture neutral. 'The police are on their way, they'll be here shortly'.

Her eyes are fixed on mine, but she doesn't visibly react to my words. 'You're safe now, they'll never hurt you again'.

I see a tear escape from her left eye, tracing itself a path through the dirt smudged on her cheek. My instinct is to reach out and gently wipe it away, but I don't. I'm not a person that comforts any more. 'I'm sorry this happened to you, you didn't deserve it'.

She blinks a few times, sending a scattering of tears cascading down her face, and I feel grief at the innocence she has lost tonight.

'Don't let this destroy you. Don't. You have to put this behind you and move on. You have to live your life'. My voice is low, but I'm sure she can still hear it crack as I say the last part. I feel like a hypocrite, telling her to move on and live her life, yet not able to do the same.

She suddenly launches herself forward, and I find myself almost knocked on my ass as she wraps her arms around me. I hesitate for a couple of seconds, caught off guard by her acceptance of my presence, then slowly fold my arms around her shaking form. I hold her while sobs wrack her slight frame, her grief and terror finally finding their way out of her body. Her tears come fast and heavy to start, but slow after only a few minutes, her body gradually relaxing against mine.

I hear the faint whine of sirens in the distance and know that I have to go. She feels my body tense and releases her hold, pulling back to look at me. We're close enough that she can see my face, but I don't look away. The mask I wear obscures a large portion of my face, the detail designed to alter the plains and proportions of it so that any sketch artist impression would not be able to peg me as a likely candidate.

'I have to go, the police are almost here'.

She nods her head, letting her arms slip from my shoulders. 'Thank you'.

Her voice is gratifyingly strong, her eyes now showing some steel behind them. I am heartened by it, hopeful that she will be able to put this firmly in her past.

I nod once, a smile lifting my lips. 'It was my pleasure'.

Before she can say anything else I rise and turn, striding over to where I kicked the knife. I pick it up and secure it on my belt, not wanting to leave DNA evidence for the cops to find. Once I'm done I look for the quickest way out, and as soon as I spot it my legs push me into a run. I head straight for the dumpster, leaping onto the top in one stride, my next stride pushing me up to grab hold of the fire escape dangling above. The cut in my side protests as I haul myself up using just my arms, and I feel it start to bleed again. Once on the fire escape I jog up the stairs to the roof of the building, using the parkour skills I'd mastered over the past few years to leave the vicinity without being spotted by the cops.

Once I am a safe distance away I return to street level, removing my mask and stowing it in my pocket. I leave my hood up as a brisk wind had started, and keep my head down as I head home. Normally I would head to the nearest skeezy bar after a confrontation like tonight, somewhere dank and anonymous where I could let out the remainder of my adrenaline on the dance floor, but my wound needs to be tended to first.

As I approach my building I scan the area, looking for signs of life. Not surprisingly for this time at night in such a rough area, the place is deserted except for a couple of hobo's shuffling through trash cans. I duck into the alley that runs around back, once again scaling the fire escape. I stop at the top floor, pulling out my set of keys. I press the fob, seeing the discreet lights in the corners of the window blink twice before going out.

I raise the window and slip inside, closing & locking it behind me. I make sure the curtains are fully closed, able to cross the room in total darkness. I enter the bathroom, squinting my eyes against the harsh light as the naked bulb blinks on. I remove the sheath from my back and the knife from my belt, putting them safely on the toilet lid before shedding my hood. I look at the cut in the material, sighing at the amount of sewing I have to do tonight.

I put the hood aside and raise my T shirt, pulling the ruined garment over my head. I drop it into the bin, knowing no matter how hard I scrub, that amount of blood just won't come out completely. Without looking I open the medicine cabinet, pulling out everything I need and lining it up against the sink.

I clean the wound first, noting it is already starting to coagulate. I pat on some disinfectant, the sting as it seeps into the wound a faint buzz. Once I've made sure no infection can get in, I get out the needle and thread I swiped from the local hospital. I grit my teeth and push the needle through my flesh; placing a small, neat stitch in my skin. Seven more close the tear completely, and I tape a square of bandage over it to catch any stray blood.

I pack everything back into cabinet, swinging the door closed. I turn to go, but stop when I catch sight of my reflection out of the corner of my eye. I turn back, pausing to let the image really sink in. My eyes roam over my body, clad only in jeans and sports bra, and I acknowledge, for the first time, the toll my night time activities have taken. The white gauze covering my latest war wound is surrounded on all sides by a patchwork of older scars, all in various stages of healing. I run my hands slowly over my stomach, feeling the ridges and rough edges of the only trophy I ever take away from a winning battle.

My gaze reluctantly rises, eventually locking eyes with the girl in mirror. Her expression is one of cynical acceptance, her bright orbs betraying her true age. The things she has experienced should have her sitting in her eighties yet, despite the fading bruise on her right cheek, her face still has the soft glow of a girl just entering her twenties.

I stare her in the eye for a long time before whispering, 'What the hell are you doing to yourself McCullers'.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

My side is almost completely healed, the wound now just another blemish amongst many. The time in between now and me receiving it has been fairly uneventful, my only real challenge being a new gang in town that tried to mark it's territory by organizing a series of midnight smash and grabs at jewelers. The clientele of the bars I frequent are low enough on the totem pole to be knowledgeable about the gangs movements, so a few nights of eavesdropping earned me the location of their next likely hit.

I put four of them in hospital, and their leader will most likely walk with a pronounced limp for the rest of his life, but they left no permanent marks on me. Since my last patch up job I've tried to avoid the bathroom mirror, leaving the light off whenever possible. Rationally I know this path is heading nowhere good, its not like there is a vigilante retirement plan in my future, but right now I need it, its the only thing left to give my life purpose. My gaze into the mirror made me admit some home truths to myself; right now I am just too damn broken to even consider trying to have a normal life.

So I stalk the nights, waiting for the evil that is inherent in this world to show its face, and then I kick the crap out of it. This city is no different to any of the countless others that I've made my way through the past couple of years I think to myself as I make my way across the roof of an apartment building. Street names interchange from city to city, but every single one of them has its damn shady elephants graveyard. I chuckle mirthlessly and shake my head; so jaded, yet still able to use the Lion King as reference material.

I look at my watch, noting it is just past three am. Another Tuesday night with no baddies to injure, looks like I won't be getting my gold star this evening. I turn around, intending to head back when a noise stills me. I tilt my head, trying to get a bead on where it is coming from. The early summer breeze helps me, carrying the unmistakeable sounds of a fight in progress to my finely attuned ears.

I bolt in its direction immediately, leaping from roof to roof with the sure footed agility of a cat. I land on the roof of a seven eleven and sprint across its flat roof, sliding down the building in silence to land on the garage at its rear. I flatten to its roof, given myself a moment to assess the situation before wading into the fray. If there are guns I will need stealth over aggression; no amount of righteous anger is going to protect me from a bullet, and I'm still a long way away from being able to purchase Kevlar without drawing attention to myself.

Thirty feet from me I see a group of lads standing in a loose circle, their attention focused in the center; at a skirmish I can't quite make out. I count nearly twelve in the circle, with more clearly in the center, and I immediately fear I am too late for the person at the center of their attention. I drop to the ground and use the shadows to edge closer, a low overhang providing me with adequate enough cover to get within ten feet without detection. I reach my hand over my shoulder, gripping my staff, and am about to pull it free when a break in the circle freezes me.

Two of the guys in the part of the circle nearest me suddenly topple over, a third sprawled across their chests giving reason for their collapse. The gap this creates allows me to see inside, and I gape at what I see. The figure I feared for, the poor innocent I am here to save, is actually kicking ass. The figure, dressed head to toe in dark clothes (not unlike myself), is holding their own against a bank of five guys, not including the one currently laying prostrate atop his pals, with what looks like numchucks flying every which way.

I watch in amazement as they bob and weave, fending off advance after advance from the group. Their technique is flawless, a little too tight for my style of fighting, but I have to tip my metaphorical hat to whoever they are; they've got mad skills. I'm so entranced by this new player, a fellow vigilante by the look of the group they're fighting, that I don't see the guy pull a gun until its too late. It's the glint of moonlight off the barrel that pulls me from my awe inspired trance, and I'm moving before I consciously register what it is. I rip the quarter staff from its pouch on my back as I run, my hands completing the complex series of turns to unfurl it without conscious thought. My eyes are locked on the gun, my sole purpose is to disable it before it has a chance to discharge.

I almost make it.

I'm half a pace away when it fires, the flash indicates the bullet has already left, and it rips a scream of warning from my throat. I see the guy holding the gun turn towards me, surprise covering his face. He is a lean guy, wiry would probably be the best description, but with clearly defined muscles filling out his arms. The copious tattoo's covering them look gang related; a large cobra pulled back into a strike position takes pride of place on his right arm, which is now dangling the gun stupidly in mid air as he gawps at me.

The split second it takes to register this moment feels like an age, but I am not idle while I digest this information. My staff has completed its arc, and now smashes into his wrist, shattering the bones into dust. The world speeds up again as his scream of pain alerts the others, but before they can even register the new threat I am already cutting a path through them. My aim is to put them all down as quickly and as efficiently as possible, so my staff connects with the most vulnerable places on the human body. Noses are shattered, knee joints are obliterated, and one lucky fellow is on the receiving end of a rib crushing/jaw breaker combo.

I spin to a stop, my breath coming in ragged pants. My heart is thundering in my chest, the adrenaline buzz making my blood sing in my veins. I feel amazing, more alive than I have in a long time, and a stupidly pleased smile finds its way to my face as I survey my surroundings. The night is still and quiet, only the pitiful groans and whimpering of the fallen shattering the now peaceful alley.

I suddenly frown, a feeling that something isn't right with this picture invading my happiness. I've just put almost twenty men down single handedly, there isn't a single one left standing, what could be...the other vigilante! My eyes widen as I realize they aren't standing either, the bullet must of found them.

I run to the spot where I last saw them, leaping over the bodies of blood soaked and injured gang members as I go. I almost trip over them before I spot them, their outfit blending them into a shadow amongst the debris littering the alley. They are laying half on their side, their face pressed to the ground. I drop to my knees next to them, my eyes scanning their body.

I growl in frustration as the light is too weak to distinguish anything against the utter darkness of their outfit. I rip my gloves off, stuffing them in my pocket so I don't lose them, then run my hands over their back, conducting a physical examination as my visual one is compromised. My palm finds a sticky patch as it skims over the back of their right shoulder, my fingers picking out the jagged perforation of a bullet hole. I probe the hole gently, earning a groan from the unconscious figure, and I breath a sigh of relief, at least they're still alive.

I explore the front of their shoulder, trying to find an exit wound. Unfortunately for my fallen comrade there isn't one, which means the bullet is still lodged in their body. The bullet needs to come out, and from personal experience I know it's a painful process. I hesitate with indecision; this is a complication I was not expecting to have to deal with. All my first aid equipment is back at my place, the location of which I am not eager to share with a stranger, even if they seem to be on the same path as me. I am, of course, incredibly curious about this figure. Is their reason for doing this as dark as mine, or do the have nobler motivations? Maybe they could become a confident of sorts, a partner in the night. Maybe then I wouldn't feel so incredibly alone in the world.

Yet the risk of them exposing me to the world can't be denied.

Dumping them outside the hospital is a tempting idea; they would be taken care of, and have more pain medication at their disposal; plus there would be no risk of exposure to me. I could remove any incriminating items from their possession, and they would be able to spin any story they wanted to the cops. They would lose the numchucks, but I figure that would still be preferable to getting arrested for working outside of the law.

Plus I'm alone for a reason; I've deliberately isolated myself from society, from comfort, because of how damaged I am. Letting this person in would do no good in the long run; I'd end up driving them away anyway, it's what I do.

I've almost convinced myself, and I keep repeating the mantra _you don't need them Paige _as I use my boot knife to cut a hole in their outfit. I apply a temporary patch to the wound, making sure the blood loss is minimized during transportation. Once I'm convinced the patch will hold I roll them over on to their back, intending to do a search for incriminating items. The movement causes their hood to slip off, exposing their face to my gaze for the first time, just as the clouds part and the moon shines a beam of light down on us.

All the breath in my body disappears, and I feel like I've been sucker punched right in the gut. 'Holy fuck!' I whisper, my voice stolen by surprise. I feel dizzy, like I've just been spun into an alternative universe, staring down into the face of a person I never imagined seeing in these circumstances. Despite the welter of a bruise slowly blooming on the side of their jaw, their face is just as I remember; elegant and dignified.

As I stare down into the face of a one time friend, I think back to my old life; to the people of Rosewood, Pennsylvania; and for the first time in a long, long time, I let myself wonder what became of them. I slide my hand along the uninjured side of their face, cupping their jaw. My thumb strokes their cheek, the callused pad feeling the softness of their skin, and I am acutely aware that this is the first human contact I have initiated in over two years.

My words are barely audible, but it doesn't matter, my audience is not in a position to hear anyway. 'What the hell are you doing here? You were doing so well, had put everything in your past and were moving forward again. You were meant to conquer this world, not fade away into its shadows. What happened to you Spencer?'


	3. Chapter 3

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**Chapter 3**

I stare at the figure on my bed as I pace the length of my room, the soft rise and fall of her chest a simultaneous comfort and conundrum.

I pause as I register the fact that Spencer Hastings is sleeping in my bed...a sentence I never thought I'd be able to say in my lifetime. I resume pacing, my eyes never leaving the bed. Bringing her here was a mistake, but its one I can't seem to correct by removing her. The smartest thing to do would be to drop her at the hospital and make a phone call, using my one last link to Rosewood. I'm guessing Hanna would be able to contact Spencer's mum and let her know where her daughter currently is.

Yes, out of everyone is Rosewood, Hanna is the one I'm still in contact with. When everything happened back, the events occurring the way they did, I basically shut down; refusing help from everyone. I ended up pushing Emily so far away that she eventually gave up trying, yet Hanna never gave up on me, never took no for an answer. She took it upon herself to move in with me, despite my copious threats to her person; and literally forced me to eat, sleep and shower. If Hanna hadn't been so tenacious, I very likely wouldn't have survived those first few months in my self imposed exile.

My contact with Hanna is now sporadic, I respect that she has a full time high flying career in fashion and don't like to be a bother; yet each time I talk to her, it feels like home. She is so chilled out that I can go six months without phoning her, yet as soon as she hears my voice she will launch into a conversation like we only spoke yesterday. For someone who likes to know everything, Hanna has always respected my desire for privacy. She never pries, and never demands to know where I am. She will ask me if I'm ok, if I'm safe; and accepts my answer with a sweet 'I'm glad you're ok honey'.

Hanna never tells me about what's going on in Rosewood unless I ask, which I'm grateful for, but she also knows what I need to hear when I do. I consider calling her now; despite the extreme hour I know she will pick up when she sees my name, and answer my questions without asking her own. Yet I still don't move to do so.

Instead I just keep pacing. And thinking.

The Spencer I used to know had been one of the most fiercely driven individuals I had ever met, and could do anything once she set her mind to it. Yet what happened in Rosewood had almost destroyed her. Spencer had been so unflinching in her desire to uncover A, so convinced that everything would be better once they were unmasked, that she never stopped to consider the consequences. Those consequences, which I played a major part in, had lead to a mental breakdown that put her back in Radley for several months; before being moved to a private facility which claimed to specialize in 'family related mental health problems'.

The revelation of A had brought Spencer to her knees; she was practically catatonic when she was admitted to Radley, and the media frenzy that surrounded the police investigation had hounded her family day and night. It seemed like her loss, her pain, was insurmountable; yet a few months after transferring to the new facility she seemed to recover completely, and was released with a clean bill of health. The last time I asked Hanna about things in Rosewood, I heard Spencer was attending some fancy Ivy League college and blowing everyone else out of the water. The great Spencer Hastings had seemed to have climbed out of hell and be riding high again, yet here she is; unconscious, beaten, and with a bullet hole in her back.

Despite her injuries, I have to admit she looks good. She has filled out in the time since I last saw her; her arms are now taut muscles, honed after many hours of lifting weights, and her lithe frame is a personal trainers wet dream. I feel slightly guilty about the fact that I had to cut her top off, but I remind myself that I had to examine the bullet wound in more detail, and I didn't think it was very sanitary for her to sleep in blood covered clothes. She's now wearing one of my tops; a simple black T-shirt that is a pale replacement for something that clearly cost more than my entire wardrobe, but it's the best I can do.

Her body is now relaxed, deep in the peaceful slumber of a person who feels no pain, thanks to some pretty powerful sleeping medication I'd swiped from the local hospital a while back. I'd figured it would be best for all concerned if I removed the bullet while she was unconscious, so had given her as big a dose as was safe, then examined her shoulder. She had started thrashing when I was searching for the bullet, the medication not quite putting her out enough to numb the pain completely, but thankfully I'd managed to remove it without any problems, the fragment easy to find with the other equipment I had 'borrowed' from the hospital. Once I had stopped prodding her shoulder she'd settled down quickly, falling into an untroubled sleep. I'd been able to stitch the wound and cover it with a fresh bandage without her moving an inch. The medication will keep her knocked out until at least midday tomorrow; so all I can do now is wait, and pace.

I'd tried to shut the door on my past the day I left Rosewood, yet here it is, snoring in my bed. Spencer Hastings represents everything I have tried to forget for the past three and a half years, and seeing her again is dredging up some powerfully painful feelings.

Against my will my mind drifts back to that night, to the night that changed everything. My mind swirls with the memories, and all I can hear in my head is Emily's shocked voice as she says the words that were the beginning of the end for us.

'_Paige...what have you done?' _

_**Three years previously **_

_My tipping point was not, surprisingly, coming face to face with my own mortality at the hands of Lyndon James; it was finding out Ali was alive._

_Ever since I was kidnapped by Lyndon, I had secretly been taking martial arts lessons. At first it was just to overcome my paralysing fear; to stop me jumping at shadows, but then I found out about Ali and my fear vanished. In its place is anger. Anger at Ali._

_For causing so much pain by faking her death. For still being able to manipulate Emily, and for being willing to put her in harms way. For making Emily choose between us, and showing me that in her mind helping Alison is more important than being honest with me. Emily is my girlfriend, yet she still drops everything to help her first love. _

_I think back to the moment I sat on the porch of _Emily's_ house and poured my heart out, revealing how Ali tormented me all those years ago. I can still remember the warmth of her arms around me as she cradled me, protecting me when I was vulnerable. Emily is a good person, and Ali doesn't deserve her loyalty. She definitely doesn't deserve Emily risking her life, a life I cherish more than my own. _

_Now I know about Ali, the fear I carry about Emily being hurt seems to solidify; the possibility mutating into an inevitability, and I vow to do everything in my power to prevent it from happening._

_As I became more proficient in martial arts, I had begun to care less about defense and more about offense. Lyndon had made me feel helpless because he had a knife, and I never wanted to feel that way again, so I pushed my instructor into teaching me how to use weapons. He was reluctant to teach me at first, my youth making him wary; but my persistence and dedication to mastering the complex patterns he gave me eventually convinced him I was mature enough to handle it._

_Now, a year later, I feel like a different person. I am skilled in several disciplines; including krav maga, the quarter staff, and kendo. I feel confident in my ability to protect Emily, but now I know Ali is alive, I need to focus on unmasking A. The only way this ends, the only way Emily will stop putting her neck on the line for Ali, is if A is caught. No more A means Ali can come home, and as much as I'm not eager to ever lay eyes on Alison DiLaurentis again, I know its needs to happen to save Emily. _

_I spend a few nights doing some investigating on my own, but know there is a whole lot of catching up I need to do if I ever hope to get one up on A, so I go to the one person I know will definitely help. _

_Getting in to see Spencer was harder than I thought, her mental status was deemed 'too unstable for visitors' so I had to get creative. I did some quiet checking on other locals that might be in the 'spa that is really a substance abuse facility', and once I came across one I applied for a visitors permit by pretending to be their daughter. _

_I was granted visitation the next day, and once I had been given my visitors sticker I was able to pretty much roam the complex unchallenged. I'd learned from Emily which section Spencer was in, so had a rough idea of where to find her. I tried to look as innocuous as possible while walking the hallways, my flimsy excuse of trying to find the bathroom my only defense if questioned. _

_I managed to find her room unscathed, and waited just out of sight until the nurse at the desk disappeared out of a fire exit for a crafty cigarette. Once she was out of sight I sprinted across the hallway, my shoes squeaking softly on the wood floor. I slipped inside the room, pulling the door closed as quietly as possible._

_Spencer was laying on the bed but sat up as soon as I appeared, her face registering surprise at my sudden appearance. Her face is devoid of any makeup, her hair lank and unkempt. She is wearing a pair of grey sweatpants, a formless jumper swamping her petite frame._

_I walk over to her and sit on the edge of the bed, my face turned to her. I see a multitude of emotions flit through her eyes; confusion, suspicion, fear, and despair. When she speaks her voice comes out strained, through lack of use or overuse I can't tell, but the croaky quality only adds to the frailty of her appearance. 'Is it Emily? Is she ok?' _

_I feel the urge to hug her, but don't want to freak her out so I refrain. Instead I get straight to the point. 'Emily is safe, for now. But the longer she keeps helping Ali, the more chances A has to harm her'. _

_Spencer's eyes widen with the realization that I know Ali is still alive, but remains quiet as I talk. 'I love Emily SO much, she's my everything. I've tried to get her to see sense, to make her stop helping Ali; even it seems, at the cost of our relationship...' My voice cracks and I have to pause to gather my emotions, the reality that Emily and I might never recover ripping my heart to shreds, but I push it all back in order to focus on why I came, to keep Emily safe.'...but she will keep going, regardless of the danger to herself, in order to protect Ali'. _

_Spencer looks sad, and I can see in her eyes that she knows what I'm saying is true. She surprises me by reaching her hand across the gap between us and squeezing my knee in sympathy, her gesture touching me with it unexpectedness. 'What do you need from me?' _

_I place my hand over hers, my grip firm and assured. I look her in the eye, knowing that what I'm about to ask is the reason she is here in the first place. 'I need you to help me catch A'._


	4. Chapter 4

**My thanks to Rooonie for your review; I've put writing my novel on hold until I get this story out of my head, so there should be fairly regular updates for you!**

**Chapter 4**

The clock shows the time as 2.34 PM when I hear the first movement from the bed.

It's a bright sunny day outside, but my apartment remains shrouded in darkness thanks to some excellent blackout blinds. I learned very quickly that if you are going to get even the briefest of sleep during the day, blackout blinds are a sound investment. Every time I move cities I find a place where the landlord will allow me to make two modifications: a significant upgrade to the locks securing doors & windows, and blackout blinds on all windows. I often get funny looks at these requests, but I always make sure I carry a camera so that my cover story sounds believable. I tell people that I'm a old school photographer, and need the darkness for developing the rolls of film I take. The locks are explained away with the fact that I have a lot of expensive equipment that I can ill afford to have stolen; and once I offer to pay for the modifications myself, it's normally a done deal.

I walk over to the bed and snap on the small bedside lamp before moving back out of range. I stay quiet while Spencer comes round, knowing she will be feeling groggy from the pain medication. She rises into a sitting position, groaning as her head protests at the movement. She sits with her head resting on her knees for a few moments, before seeming to register that she is in unfamiliar surroundings. Her head shoots up and pivots back and forth as she scours the apartment, her eyes wide in surprise. She looks straight past where I am standing, my outfit melding me with the shadows, and I remain quiet while I assess her reaction.

She notices the T shirt first, then lifts the sheet still covering her lower half. Her eyes widen slightly as she sees she is only wearing her panties beneath the T shirt, then takes another look around the apartment. Her eyes find no one, and she seems to relax as she flops back into a prone position again, covering her eyes with her hands.

'Oh, you idiot. You promised you were going to stop doing this'. Her words come out as a half groan/half chuckle, and the next part makes my eyes widen with surprise.

'This is it, this is the absolutely last time you get so wasted you don't even remember going to a club, let alone what your one night stand looks like!' Her arms drop to the bed, her words addressing the ceiling. 'Please let this chick be prettier than the last one. Hangovers are so not worth it if I can't get a little morning after sex too'.

I'm shocked! I can't help but gape at her, never expecting those words to have just left her lips. Spencer Hastings is chastising herself for getting drunk and hooking up with a random woman. Again! It seems that whatever path the youngest Hastings is now traveling includes pit stops in sapphic town.

I owe Emily ten bucks...the thought pops into my head unbidden, instantly wiping the smile off my face. I mentally slap myself for the slip, pushing the memory back into the recesses of my mind. Thoughts of Emily are banned, and I enforce the ban strictly; the memories they evoke still too painful to deal with.

To stop myself from wallowing on the past I step forward, making myself deal with the past that has shown up in my present, first. I make sure the voice changer is switched, the softest setting selected. 'No morning lovin' I'm afraid, just a few questions'.

The change in Spencer is immediate. Gone is the relaxed, unguarded woman of a moment ago, her place now taken by the alert, wary figure that had shot out of the opposite side of the bed to me the instant I started talking. She instinctively falls in to a fighting pose, her hands raised in fists. Her eyes are locked onto me, but the low light prevents her from seeing too much.

I stopped moving as soon as she leapt out of the bed, leaving a good eight feet of space, and a bed, between us. I raise my hands slowly, palms outwards in a show of peace. 'I'm not here to harm you, you have nothing to fear from me'.

I see her eyes narrow at the sound of the voice changer, her pose not relaxing an inch. 'Nothing to fear from the person that has obviously kidnapped me? What kind of moronic bimbo do you think I am?' Her voice is scathing, the tone something I've heard her use when she is talking to someone she finds idiotic.

'On the contrary, I think you're very smart'. I lower my hands, adopting a relaxed pose to try and put her at ease.

She tilts her head as she looks at me, her eyes scanning me up and down. 'You drugged me didn't you, it's not a hangover I have at all?'

I chuckle quietly at her, the voice changer turning it into a deeper sound. I pick up the bottle of pain medication from the bedside cabinet, tossing it gently to her. 'It's not a hangover no, but I thought you would still prefer it to the agony of an untreated bullet wound'.

She catches the bottle easily, her eyes scanning the label before flicking back to me. I see confusion in her eyes as she racks her memory for the events of last night, the fog in her brain muddling things.

'The alley behind the Seven Eleven on the corner of Fell Street & Fifth. Group of gang bangers, twenty or so, standing in a circle and waiting to pummel you; until one decided it was taking too long and pulled a gun. Hence the bullet hole in your shoulder'.

She rolls her shoulders, wincing as the movement tugs at her stitches. She lifts her hand and slips it beneath the neck of the T shirt, feeling the bandage covering her shoulder. I see her face change as her memory finally clicks things into place, the fog parting enough to let last night come into focus. 'You were the one that shouted at me to get down...' her eyes appraise me anew. '…...If you hadn't warned me, I'd been dead'.

'I'm pretty sure it would take more than a mere bullet to keep you down for longer than a day or two'.

I see a fleeting smile touch her face at the compliment, though it is quickly gone again.

'Why did you help me?' Her voice has warmed a few degrees, though there is still a sizable about of suspicion in it.

There are so many answers to that question, ones that would take a long time to explain; but I settle on a simple one. 'It's what I do'.

'Pardon?'

'I'm pretty sure your ears weren't damaged in the fight, I said its what I do'. I see annoyance cross her face at my snarky reply, though don't focus on it. 'I've answered your question, now answer mine. Why?'

Her annoyance slips back to confusion. 'Why, what?'

'Dark clothing, a proficiency with weapons, fighting bad guys in the middle of the night...you're a vigilante. Why?'

Here comes the annoyance again. 'Why are you?'

I chuckle at her. 'No no no, quid pro quo'.

'Latin, really?' Her face is just as I remember, the cute little frown lines appearing to wrinkle her forehead as she scrunches her nose up in disbelief.

My voice is full of amusement at her reaction. 'I have many skills'.

'Really, like what?' She raises her eyebrow, trying to look imposing.

I click my tongue at her tone. 'So many questions, yet so reluctant to answer any herself'. I shake my head in pretend annoyance. 'Given the circumstances I shall forgo your lack of manners, just this once'.

She folds her arms across her chest, clearly not finding me amusing.

I lift my hand in a fist, raising a finger to count off each point as I say it. 'I warned you about the gun, took out the rest of your adversaries, carried you here, removed your bullet, and stitched your wound...for starters'.

She drops her arms and sinks down onto the bed, letting out a sigh as she does. I move round the bed and take a few steps closer, though stop with plenty of space between us still. I don't know if she is genuinely letting down her guard, or is trying to fake me out so that she can catch me unawares.

'Are you ok?'

She runs her hands through her hair, her fingers combing the silken strands back from her face. 'You really did save my life didn't you'. Her voice, for the first time, sounds fragile.

I relax and soften my tone, squatting down to be level with her. 'I was in the right place at the right time, I got lucky'.

She laughs, but it is too high and shaky to be genuine. 'I think I'm the one that was lucky'.

'They had you surrounded and outnumbered. You did amazingly well to hold them off for as long as you did so don't be too hard on yourself, but I have to again ask; why are you doing it?'

She raises her head, giving me a weary look. 'It's a long story'.

'Its ok, I can cancel my dinner reservation at the Hilton if you run on too long'.

She eyes me for a few seconds, clearly unable to get a read on my mood, before looking away. I can see she is trying to decide what to tell me, an internal debate raging in her head. She seems to come to a decision, her face turning towards mine again.

'I'll tell you the cliff notes version. If you answer a question first'.

I hesitate, sensing a trap. 'I will answer your question, but there must be a few proviso's first'.

' A vigilante with a proficient vocabulary, how intriguing'. Her voice sounds stronger, more Spencer like. 'I'll allow you your proviso's, but that may mean I alter my question'.

I nod in understanding. 'I will not tell you who I am, or where we are right now. Agreed?'

She tilts her head, eying me curiously. 'Neither of those was going to be my question, so ok'.

I incline my head, giving her silent permission to ask her question.

She looks at me gravely, her face a picture of seriousness. 'I'm starving, you got any food in this place?


	5. Chapter 5

**Hope you're all liking it still, I'm having great fun writing. Slightly longer chapter, I had a lot of fun writing Paige/Spencer dialogue. Please let me know what you think.  
**

**Sebastian: Glad you found it funny. I don't want it to be too dark, a mixture of serious and funny is my aim.**

**EvilHastings: I'm glad you think the plot is flowing well, my brain has been playing with it for a while so it's nice to finally get it down in writing.**

**Kiarcheo: I'm sorry I didn't explain things clearer, my wife has told me in the past that I tend to live in my head too much with my writing and just assume everyone thinks the same way I do! Paige is wearing her mask & vigilante outfit while talking to Spencer, so Spencer assumes she is a guy; just like everyone else that sees Paige in her disguise. The voice changer is similar to the one Oliver McQueen uses in Arrow, it is attached to her person rather than her phone, and masks her voice as soon as she speaks.**

**Getlostandruncici: Spencer is still Spencer, so you never know what she might discover!**

**Chapter 5**

A ham sandwich and two cups of extra strong coffee later, I am now in the presence of a re-energized Spencer.

She's wearing her trousers again; they're still a bit grubby, but unsurprisingly Spencer prefers that to just panties in the presence of a stranger. She had inhaled the sandwich and first cup of coffee like she hadn't eaten in a week, but slowed down on the second cup; sipping it slowly until the fog had completely cleared from her head.

I had watched her like a hawk as she moved around my tiny kitchen, rummaging through the meager supplies to find something to eat. I had wondered if it was a ploy to get her hands on a knife, figuring she would try to overpower me once she was armed; but I was happy to find she simply concocted a snack and then tossed the butter knife into the sink.

Spencer is now pacing around my apartment, moving with confidence despite the low light. I don't stop her, knowing she won't find anything that will reveal who I am. The few items I brought with me that can connect me to Rosewood are locked in a safety deposit box at the bank under a false name; and my fake drivers license, the only thing that has my picture on it, is tucked into a secret pocket on my outfit. She had asked to switch the light on, but accepted my simple 'no' without complaint.

She stops as she draws level with the bed, setting her cup down on the ratty old chest of drawers containing my clothes. She pauses before looking at me, running her fingers over the old, but meticulously clean, wood. When she does eventually look at me, its with a questioning look.

'You're a mystery, you know that?' She sounds vexed, like she's annoyed at herself for not being able to work me out.

'A mystery, huh?' The amusement is evident in my voice, my smile hidden by my hood. 'If I'm a mystery, then you're a riddle'. I'd forgotten how fun verbally sparring with Spencer was, and I find myself enjoying our banter.

'A riddle is normally wrapped in a mystery'. She raises her eyebrow, the hint of a smile suddenly evident on her face. 'Are you flirting with me?'

I blush beneath my mask, not realizing the connotations of what I just said. I meant her journey from Ivy League college girl to weapon wielding vigilante was a riddle to me, but there is no way she could know that was my meaning; so now I just look like an ass. Spencer is looking at me with a satisfied gleam in her eye, her face the definition of superiority. The look reminds me that I am dealing with a very clever woman, and I need to be on my guard the entire time.

'Don't worry, you're not my type'.

I see her smile slip slightly, though the look in her eye is still defiant. 'I guess strong, intelligent, independent women are not your type huh'.

I wounded her ego, I should of known. 'You forgot beautiful in your list; but no, that's not the reason you aren't my type'.

Her eyes are alight with curiosity. 'Care to elaborate?'

I really, really don't. 'No. Besides, you have a little elaborating to do yourself. It's time to answer my original question; why are you doing this?'

She huffs at my words, her face falling into a stubborn pout. 'I hoped you'd forgotten about that'.

'It's not every day a person decides to put their neck on the line and pick fights with the bottom feeders of society. Your reasons for doing so piqued my interest; you doing it for the fame and fortune honey?'

She rolls her eyes at me. 'Yeah, because I'm sure you're doing it for all the hugs and free candy you get given'.

I shrug at her. 'Hugs are overrated, and candy rots your teeth. My trophies are bruises and scars'.

'That's cheerful'. Her voice is amused.

'That's my reality. Now, back to you and your explanation...'

She grimaces, her face showing her displeasure at my persistence. 'Tenacity is normally an admiral quality. On you, not so much'.

'Does this mean we won't be besties? How will I ever recover(!)'

'Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit you know'. Her face is a picture; she looks disapproving, yet I can tell she is fighting not to laugh too.

'That must be why you and I get on so well, we're intellectual equals'. I can't believe I'm actually enjoying this; I definitely didn't think I'd ever get to joke around with anyone again, let alone for that someone to be Spencer Hastings.

She fails to contain her laughter this time, letting out a musical giggle that is good to hear. 'You're a strange one. I haven't enjoyed verbally sparring like this since I was on the debate team back in high school...' She stops talking as soon as she realizes where her thoughts are going, her face sobering instantly.

I feel bad for pushing her into talking about her past, I know just how painful it really is; but I need to know why she is here instead of at her fancy college, attending lectures and sorority parties.

'So how does a brain like yourself go from high school debate team to nun-chuck wielding crime fighter, in a few short years. I'm sure there wasn't a vigilante stall on career day'.

She sits down on the bed, her shoulders slumping. 'It's the only way I know how to stay sane'.

'That's...cryptic'.

She sighs, her hands reaching for the necklace under her T shirt. She pulls it out and starts fiddling with it, a nervous tic that seems like a practiced ritual. I had noticed it while tending to her wound, a little scrabble square with an S on it. 'I had a friend, Alison. She disappeared one night, without a trace. A year later her body was discovered, buried under the porch of her family home. We; my friends Emily, Aria, Hanna and I, started receiving anonymous text messages, from someone calling themselves A'. Her voice is dispassionate, detached.

'What did the messages say?' I know this part already; Emily had reluctantly filled me in after months of ducking the issue and making excuses, but Spencer doesn't know I know.

'They were mysterious or threatening, often times both. They seemed to know all of the secrets we told Alison, secrets we had told no one else. We were blackmailed, bullied, and set up. Peoples lives were messed with, Hanna's mum almost went to jail for murder; and we all cheated death on a regular basis'.

'It sounds like a hell of a lot for teenagers to deal with, why didn't you just go to the cops and let them help you?'

She laughs, but it isn't a happy sound. 'We tried, and we paid the price for it. A was relentless, and everywhere. Anyone we tried to reach out to, anyone who tried to help, was targeted. We quickly learned that the only people we could trust was each other, and even then we had our problems'.

She looks at me, expecting some sort of comment. When I stay silent she shakes her head and continues. 'We were under a huge amount of stress; the pressure and paranoia of always being on our guard, always looking over our shoulder and watching what we say, while trying to maintain a normal life, was just exhausting'.

She sighs, her voice becoming more emotional. 'Despite our best efforts the cracks began to show, and our lives started to unravel. Aria found out her boyfriend was really writing a story about Ali, and had orchestrated their meeting and subsequent relationship so that he could find out information about Ali to put in his book. Hanna's boyfriend broke up with her after he spent time in a different town trying to uncover info on A. Emily lost her girlfriend because she couldn't let go of feelings for her first love, despite having a girl who, anyone could see, loved her more than anything in the world...'

I clench my jaw as she talks about Emily and I, my teeth aching with the strain of containing the emotions her words stir up.

'…..it's funny, out of all of us, I was the least friendly to her; I didn't like the way she treated Emily when she was trying to deny her feelings for her, and basically accused her of being A; yet she didn't hesitate in risking her life to save mine when I was attacked on that train'.

I see a small smile appear on her face, her eyes focused somewhere in the past. 'She was something special, that one. I wish things had gone differently, that she hadn't been pulled in the craziness of A because of us; yet the only really meaningful contact we had was when she visited me in rehab, wanting my help to catch A'. She sighs wishfully, shaking slightly. 'She knew that in trying to protect Emily she might end up losing her, yet she never stopped trying to keep that girl safe'.

'It sounds like you grew to like her in the end'. My voice sounds deeper, the lump in my throat making it hard to speak normally. Thankfully Spencer is too distracted by her thoughts to pick up on it.

'I did, I really did. During her visits we would talk about A, but we would also talk about ourselves. She opened up to me in a way I didn't think she would; she told me about her fears of Ali coming back, of losing Emily to her. In return I told her about my addiction, about my problems with my family, and why I am my own worst enemy. She became a real friend to me, and towards the end I felt more at ease with her than I did with my own boyfriend'.

I need to get her off the subject of me before I give myself away, so I jump in before she can go on. 'You said A affected ALL your relationships, how did it affect yours?'

She looks up in surprise, my voice pulling her out of her revive. She pulls a face, clearly not eager to tell her own break up story. 'Toby was lovely, such a sweet guy. He would do such incredibly thoughtful things, like buying me beautiful necklaces...' She indicts the necklace between her fingers '…...and remembering what my favorite flower is, but he just never got why I _needed _to find A. He knew how dangerous A was, had seen what A had put us all through; yet he was so obsessed with finding out what had really happened to his mother while she was at Radley that he got swayed into giving A what they wanted in return for information about his mom'.

'That must have been tough, not being able to trust him'.

She nods at my words, her face full of sorrow. 'It made me doubt him more and more, so I stopped telling him things. I avoided him when possible, and was only half there when I was with him. When he found out about the pills, he sided with my parents; not even bothering to ask me for my side first. I loved him, but we had grown apart. I told Toby that I needed some space, that I needed time to sort through my feelings, and then...'

She stops, her face tight with grief. I want to tell her to its ok, to tell her that I know what happened and she doesn't have to talk about it; but I can't do it without revealing myself, and I am not ready to deal with Spencer seeing me right now.

To her credit, Spencer manages to compose herself quickly, drawing upon her vast reserves of inner strength, and continues. 'A lured Toby into a trap, saying that they would give him the name of the person that had been on the roof of Radley with his mom when she died. Instead, they knocked him out and kidnapped him. I thought he had been respecting my wishes and giving me some time to myself...when in reality he was chained up in A's lair. Toby was killed when A realised they'd been discovered, when they knew that the only power they had left was crushing my soul with their last act of cruelty'. Her voice is choked, her words full of unchecked emotion. 'It will always haunt me that he was alone when he died'.

I'm glad my face is hidden, because it would of given me away in a second. Toby _wasn't_ alone when he died; I was with him. I relive that night every time I dream, which is one of the reasons I swiped such powerful sleeping medication from the hospital. 'That must have been devastating, I'm sorry for your loss'.

She gives me a weak smile, her eyes fighting back tears. 'Thank you, but Toby is the one that deserves your sympathy, not me'.

'You lost someone you loved, its ok to feel sorrow'.

'Its not. Not when you betrayed their love by developing feelings for someone else'. Her eyes flash fire, but it is intended to burn no one but herself. 'He died believing I loved him, but the truth is I didn't any more. I wanted distance from him because I had developed feelings for someone else, and just didn't want to deal with his puppy dog eyes and hang dog expression every time he came to visit. I betrayed his love, and now I can never tell him how sorry I am'.

Guilt. She's living with a shit load of guilt because she feels like she betrayed Toby, is that what made her become a vigilante? She's still wearing his necklace, maybe this is some sort of penance for her.

My heart hurts for her, for the pain she has been keeping inside all this time. 'What happened to him wasn't your fault'.

She sniffs, trying to keep the tears at bay. 'The worst part is that I was mooning over someone that could never love me back, in fact they never even noticed my feelings, because they were already head over heels in love with someone else'.

I scrunch my forehead, trying to remember if Spencer had ever mentioned this person. She had told me about drifting away from Toby, how her feelings had changed after he'd sided with her parents, but I can't remember her saying anything about meeting someone else. 'Is that why?'

She looks at me as a stray tear escapes from her right eye. She wipes it away angrily, and I can tell she is annoyed with herself for showing something that could be perceived as weakness in front of a stranger. 'Why, what?'

'Is it why you took on that huge gang? Do you think getting your ass kicked is payback for your imagined violation of his trust?'

She stands up angrily, her face a mask of indignation. 'You know NOTHING about me, how dare you judge me!'

I stand my ground, but hold up my hands in supplication. 'There is no judgement here, I'm just trying to understand'.

She stomps away from me, pacing the small apartment. 'Toby died because of me, and I couldn't even honor him by loving him the way he deserved. I was institutionalized because the guilt almost destroyed me; making me shut down to the point where I couldn't even communicate. I sat there for months not saying a word, just berating myself over and over. In the end I got so angry at myself that I believed I deserved to die, and I started cheeking my meds, stockpiling them until I had enough for an overdose'.

I'm horrified, my heart constricting at the knowledge that she hated herself so much for hurting Toby that she thought the only way to make amends was to kill herself. I feel angry; where was her support, her friends? I want to call Hanna and demand answers, to know why she never told me how bad things had really gotten, despite living with me the entire time.

I suddenly realize I should say something, otherwise she might find it weird. 'You obviously didn't go through with it, so what changed?'

She stops pacing, her face setting into a look of determination. 'I realized that I would be taking the easy way out. Being dead would mean it didn't hurt any more, and I deserved to hurt. Every day I am alive to suffer the pain of his loss is another day of penance, another day I can try to repay the debt I owe to Toby'.

Her words strike a cord in my soul, the reason for her guilt so close to mine. 'Toby dying was outside of your control, as was the change in your feelings for him; you don't owe a debt to him'.

'He was _innocent_, he didn't deserve to die!' Her voice rises until she is almost shouting, her tight grip on her emotions slipping slightly.

'No, he didn't'. I hate making my voice sound so harsh, but its the only thing I can do right now. 'But now you have two choices. You can either go on punishing yourself by picking fights that are eventually going to get you killed; or you can forgive yourself and start making a difference in the world'.

'Is that what you're doing by skulking around in the dark, making a difference?' Her words are scathing, the bite in them intending to wound.

I don't answer her, instead I walk over to the wardrobe and pull out a black folder. I toss it on the bed, keeping my words simple. 'To these people, I made a difference'.

She eyes the book curiously, the investigator in her itching to open it. 'What's that?'

'It's _my_ way of making amends'.

She reaches out and strokes the folder, the blank cover giving no clue to its contents. She eyes me again for a minute before flipping it open, her eyes widening at what is revealed. She leans forward, scanning the text as she turns the pages. She flips through almost half the folder before she looks up again, her expression now one of disbelief. 'These are all you?'

I nod my head, remaining quiet.

She looks down at the newspaper clippings again, her fingers tracing a headline. '_Teenagers pulled from car wreckage seconds before fireball, mmysterious savior unknown'. _She turns the pages, randomly reading others. '_Victim of vicious mugging saved by good Samaritan_. _Rapists captured, victim saved from attack by anonymous hero. Child rescued from burning building, claims Batman saved her'. _

'I can assure you, my name is not Bruce Wayne'.

She looks up at me, her expression now holding amusement in it. 'Yeah, your decor kinda made that obvious'. She gestures around the apartment. 'Your home making skills leave a lot to be desired'.

I'm pleased to see she's in a more light hearted mood, her face brightening at the opportunity to tease me. I shrug at her, keeping my tone light too. 'You just don't appreciate the minimalist look, it's very feng shui'.

She laughs at me, and I swear its the most beautiful sound I've heard in a long, long time. 'Yeah, sure...Bruce'.

I wish I could keep making her laugh somehow, because she is instantly transformed. Her whole demeanor has changed, the weight of the world seeming to disappear from her shoulders before my very eyes. 'I told you, I'm not Batman. He's way lame'.

She has a twinkle in her eye, her voice tinkling with humor. 'Because having limitless money, power, and fame is such a drag'.

I chuckle at her, 'Ok, I'll admit the money would be nice, and the power to influence things could come in handy, but fame is really not my bag'.

She indicates the folder. 'So I can see'. Her face loses its smile, turning serious once more. 'Can I ask you a question?'

'You have since the moment you woke up, why stop now'.

She tips her head at me, acknowledging the truth. 'Your privacy is clearly important to you; and I'm guessing that very few people, if any, know who you really are. You could of called the cops, or dropped me at the hospital after you saved me; both of which would of kept you out of things. Yet you decided to bring me here, why?' Spencer is back to her normal inquisitive self.

I had been resting my shoulder on the wall, the fatigue of almost two days without sleep and the fight from last night taking its toil, but I straighten up and walk over to the bed. For the first time she stands her ground, not worried about keeping distance between us.

I reach beneath the bed and grab the bundle I'd stuffed there the night before, plonking it down in the center of the mattress next to the folder. I back away from the bed, nodding at the bundle as I do. 'I figured you'd have a lot of explaining to do to the cops if I left those with you, and I didn't know if you could afford to replace them if I took them. They look expensive'.

She reaches down and unwraps the bundle, her nun-chucks clinking together as they are jostled. I see her eyes light up at the sight of them, her hands eagerly reaching for them. I am taking a risk handing them back to her, having seen just how good she is with them; but I need her to start trusting me.

She caresses the metal lovingly, the happiness at having them back evident on her face. 'You're pretty good with those things, but I can't really afford to lose my security deposit so how about you keep them dormant for now'.

She looks at me, her eyes curious. 'Thank you for giving these back to me, I figured you would of dumped them last night. And don't worry, I don't plan on trying to injure the person that just saved my life. The Hastings courtesy is ingrained in me too strongly to do otherwise'.

I see her register the slip as soon as the words leave her mouth, her body instantly tensing.

I decide to ignore it, and continue in a jovial tone. 'You're welcome, Hastings. Like I said, they looked expensive; and I didn't know if you could afford to replace them'.

She relaxes when I don't react to her name; probably assuming that a scandal from Rosewood, PA, doesn't merit news attention all the way over here.

'So, not to sound ungrateful or anything; but how long are you planning on keeping me here exactly?'

Her words are not unexpected, she hated being cooped up in rehab, and that was cheery compared to my dingy quarters. I step towards her, my voice serious. 'That all depends...'

Her eyebrows knit together. 'On?'

I try to keep my voice serious, though I really want to laugh at her expression. 'It all depends on how you feel about blindfolds'.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry for the space between updates, having a 2 year old son and a pregnant wife gives me very little time to write!**

**Sebastian: Your reviews are very much appreciated, hope you like!**

**Chapter 6**

It had taken a fair amount of persuasion, and not a little cajoling; but Spencer eventually agreed to put the blindfold on. She had tried to argue, claiming she wouldn't try to come back or find me; but I know Spencer, and she just wouldn't be able to help herself.

The blindfold itself is just a scrap of cloth torn from an old shirt, the material worn soft over time. I stand behind Spencer as I tie it, the soft scent of her shampoo tickling my senses. I close my eyes, fighting the urge to stroke her hair, the memory of its smoothness again my hands as I brushed it out the way of her wound fresh in my mind. I remember back to when Spencer was helping me find A, and the closeness we developed. By the end I felt like I was a proper friend to her, an equal to Emily, Hanna or Aria.

Getting to know Spencer had been an unexpected bonus on my hunt for A; for the first time getting to see beneath the tough exterior she showed to the rest of the world. We became comfortable being tactile with each other, always hugging hello and goodbye, with plenty of affection shown in between. Standing this close to Spencer now, I ached to see the big smile that always lit up her face when she saw me, and have her arms wrap around me in an enormous hug.

I make myself step away, shaking my head to dissolve the memory. 'Right, we're ready to go'.

She tilts her head, trying to get a bead on my position. 'So I am meant to walk around with my arms out and feel my way, or...'

Damn it, I have to get close to her again.

I walk over and grasp her arm by the crook of her elbow, applying pressure to start her forward. She stumbles at the sudden movement, grunting her disapproval. 'Remind me to bring a seeing eye dog the next time I need blindfolding, your technique leaves a lot to be desired'.

'Sorry...' I feel guilty for letting my tangled emotions get the better of me. 'My interactions have been limited to the face pummeling and takeaway ordering variety for the past few years, I guess my manners are a bit out of practice'.

She laughs at me, her voice filled with humor once again. 'Out of practice? Fella, your manners aren't even on the bench!'

I grumble a reply, though her return to humor raises my spirits slightly. I guide her out the door, pausing to lock it securely behind us. Thankfully we meet no one in the elevator on the way down, my preferred option of fire escape made impossible by the blindfold. To avoid looking totally sketchy I had decided to leave my hood and mask off, though voice changer safely tucked into my ear. This way it simply looks like a girl taking her friend on a surprise outing to a late night bar, thought what kind would be hard to peg, given our current attire. I am hyper aware that Spencer could remove her blindfold at any second, and I feel very uneasy the entire ride down.

Once we are safely out the building I put my mask and hood on, feeling instantly better. My car is parked in a garage at the back of the building, and it takes only a few minutes to get settled.

I'd waited until just after two am before heading out; the law abiding, and cop calling, folk tend to be home by now, so driving a blindfolded woman through the center of town shouldn't be attract undue attention.

Spencer is quiet in the car to start with, though not for long. 'You didn't tell me why'.

I frown, not understanding her meaning. 'Why, what?'

'Why you feel the need to make amends'. Her voice is soft, knowing it must be a sore subject for me.

I sigh, knowing that I should just keep quiet; but also knowing that I may never get this chance again. 'I hurt people. People I cared about.

Spencer is quiet for a few seconds, processing the information. 'What happened?'

'It's a long story...' I am aware I am echoing Spencer's excuse for trying to get out of telling me her story. 'Suffice to say, I have the blood of innocent lives on my hands'. I swallow hard, the pain so fresh still.

'I'm sure it wasn't your fault'. The sympathy in her voice is like a knife in my ribs, the guilt flaring once again.

'It was my fault. People died because I was a rash idiot, blinded by love'. I take a deep breath, the ache in my chest nearly overwhelming. ' Good people lost their lives because I interfered, because I wanted to save the woman I loved'.

Spencer looks sad, her voice filled with compassion. 'You were trying to help, you shouldn't feel guilty about that'.

I laugh bitterly, the irony of the situation not lost on me. 'Thanks, but I have EVERY reason to feel guilty. I personally took the lives of the two people responsible for causing years of pain to many, but the blood I feel on my hands; the blood I will never be able to wash away, is that of the innocent lives snuffed out because of me'.

'That's why you help people'. Her voice is understanding, her tone gentle. 'You need to readdress the balance, make up for the lives you couldn't save'.

Who ever said a problem shared is a problem halved was talking out their ass, because I feel worse then ever. Spencer is trying to appease my guilt, yet if she knew the truth she would hate my guts.

'That's not why I do this, because nothing can ever right the wrongs I have done. I do this to make the world a better place, a world where people don't have to be afraid for their loved ones as soon as they step out of their door. I lost the ones I love, but I'll be damned if anyone else has to'. My voice is terse, indicating that the conversation is now over.

We make the rest of the journey in silence, though it looks like the effort to remain quiet is a struggle for Spencer. I park in a quiet area, walking round the car to open Spencer's door for her. 'Time to take a walk'.

She swings her legs out, feeling for the edge of the door and using it as leverage to boost herself out. Once she's standing on the sidewalk I close the door and lock the car, the beep loud in the still night. I place my hand on the small of Spencer's back, feeling her jump at the unexpected contact. 'I'm just going to guide you until we're out of sight of my car, don't want you flagging me down for lifts any time soon'.

She scoffs at me, though relaxes under my hand. 'I have my own car thanks, you are perfectly safe on that count'.

'All the same, lets just keep the blindfold on for a bit longer shall we'. I steer her onto Main Street, a busy place during the day, but now empty and silent. I feel her shiver, her body quivering under my hand for a moment. 'Are you cold?' I had given her a hoodie to wear; an old plain black one that is way past its best but kept because it is incredibly comfy, to try and keep her warm as I had no idea how far from here she actually lived, or how long it would take her to get home.

She shakes her head, her voice quiet. 'No, I'm fine. Thank you'.

'Are you sure, you just shivered.' I don't want her to catch a cold, though short of offering up my own clothing there is nothing else I can give her.

She again shakes her head, 'I'm not cold, your top is more than adequate at keeping me warm. I was merely reacting to your proximity'. Her voice is suddenly bashful, shy.

I don't know how to react to her words, but think it must be because of my confession in the car. All I can think to reply is a simple 'Oh', the guilt of my past weighing me down. We continue is silence, though I'm sure we're both thinking fairly loudly.

We reach our destination, the alley adjacent to Pottery Barn, and before she can protest I spin her around a couple of times, making sure her sense of direction is thoroughly shot before letting her go.

She staggers slightly but quickly steadies herself, ripping the blindfold off in the process. 'What the hell!' She glares at me, clearly not happy at my little stunt.

'Sorry, but I can't take any chances'. I can't go straight back to my car because I know Spencer will follow me, so I am leaving it here and will collect it in a few days time. Knowing Spencer, she probably counted the steps we just took, as well as the number of left and right turns, which could lead her straight back to my car. I couldn't risk it, a number plate is just far too easy to trace in this day and age. The spin has hopefully disorientated her enough to make her doubt which direction we arrived from, and stop her from playing detective.

'I promised I wouldn't try to find you didn't I?' Her face is still annoyed, though her tone is softer.

'You did. But I'm guessing you also promised the doctors you were all better too'. All the years of lying about A has made Spencer a master at it, so I know she will try to find me, despite her assurances to the contrary. She has the good grace to look slightly guilty, though still defiant.

I hold out my hand to her, a piece of paper held between my fingers.

'Whats that?' Her face is suspicious again, her eyes wary.

'It's a way to get hold of me. If you need to'.

She hesitates a moment, then reaches out her hand to take it.

'You're a strong person Hastings; but everyone needs a little help, now and again. I'm here if and when you do'.

Before she can reply I turn, darting down the alley. I run at the wall, leaping against it and use it as leverage to push myself high enough in the air to reach the fire escape. I pull myself up to the first level and stop, looking down to the mouth of the alley. Spencer is standing in the middle, back lit by the streetlamp.

She looks so small, so alone, that I don't want to leave; but I force myself to turn and climb the fire escape, the image of her burned into my brain.


	7. Chapter 7

**Thanks for the reviews everyone, they make a big difference to me.**

**I hope you enjoy this chapter, it was fun to write.  
**

**Chapter 7**

_**Three years ago**_

_I slip through the hole I've just cut in the chain link fence, moving with stealth across the grass until I reach the building. I immediately head round to the back, finding the basement doors with little trouble. The thick metal looks imposing, but I came prepared. I reach into my pocket and pull out the key resting there, sliding it into the lock. It turns with ease, the click as it unlocks music to my ears. 'One obstacle down, a hundred more to go', I whisper to myself as I ease the door open an inch, checking to make sure the coast is clear before opening it wide enough to slip inside. _

_I turn to the left, heading up the staircase and into the servants kitchen. There are no longer any servants, A having dismissed them as soon as they took over the place. I move with cautious speed, knowing where I need to go. I had managed to sweet talk the old woman at the city council into showing me the blueprints for this place, my story about my 'project on the way historical buildings are being altered for the modern life' earning me unauthorized access, and a long winded story about her great grandmothers property in Albuquerque. _

_Spencer and I had managed to uncover that this property had been purchased shortly after Ali's 'body' had been found on the Dilaurentis property, yet the paperwork has been scrubbed of all names. The building was purchased through a shell company, and it took us weeks to trawl through the fake names and other bogus companies before we could trace it back to Rosewood. The company in Rosewood was Scott Inc, which seemed to have no actual address other than this property, and no links to what it actually did. Thanks to some artful hacking by Caleb, a favor called in on my part, we were able to trace several large cash transactions to off shore bank accounts in the name of CeCe Drake, pegging Scott Inc as a cover for A._

_We had initially thought the basement would be the best place for A's lair, the enclosed space perfect for shady dealings; but that was before I'd seen the blueprints. The latest planning permissions had included alterations to the World War 2 shelter which had been built directly under the master study. The shelter was a fair size already, but the alterations made it significantly bigger, and included specs for a self contained space; completely separate from the rest of the house. The renovations had been completed almost two years ago, yet the property was listed as currently uninhabited. Caleb had hacked the local power supply companies for us, and found that there was an awful lot of electricity being used for a property that is meant to be empty. _

_I find the study without hassle, but pause before entering. I press my ear again the door, straining to hear into the other room. Nothing but silence reaches my ears, yet a gnawing in my gut warns me to be on my guard. I push the door open slowly; the silent swing tells me the hinges have been well oiled, and give away the fact that someone passes through often enough to find the squeak annoying. _

_I scan the room, the light from my torch no longer needed as the room is lit with four tall freestanding lamps, placed discretely in each corner. Nothing seems out of place, except the fact that lights are burning in a supposedly vacant property. I cross the carpet to the bookcase, knowing from the plans that it conceals a stairwell into the bunker. I press the button on the hands free piece in my ear, hearing it ring for the briefest of seconds before connecting. _

_'Are you ok?' Spencer's voice is anxious, her breathing already heightened. _

_'I'm fine. I'm at the bookcase'. I keep my voice low, feeling like I am inviting trouble by desecrating the silence of the room. _

_'You need to find the lever, it will most likely be concealed somewhere on the bookshelf'. Spencer is telling me things I already know but I don't chastise her for it, her voice in my ear is a comforting sound despite the worry in its tone. _

_I scan the books, reading the titles absently. It's only when Spencer asks me to repeat myself that I realize what I'm doing. I go over the titles again, and Spencer makes a scoffing sound. _

_'What is it?' I frown in confusion, not getting the connection despite being the one able to actually see the books. _

_Spencer laughs in my ear. 'Of course, it has to be'. _

_'Er, earth to Spencer, you want to clue me in on your epiphany?' The longer I stand still ,the more I feel a target painted on my back. I need Spencer to tell me what is going on so that I can get moving. _

_'Sorry'. She sounds back in business mode, her voice cleared of all humor. 'The lever will be in Lolita'. _

_I look at the book, finally getting the connection. 'Oh. That's disgusting'. I scrunch my face up as I pull the book, not wanting to picture Ali with anyone, let alone an old guy. _

_Nothing happens for a few seconds, and I'm about to tease Spencer for being wrong when the bookcase suddenly swings inwards. 'I'll be damned...it worked' I whisper, stepping through the gap. The bookcase swings closed, leaving me in a dimly lit narrow passage way. I turn to my right and see the stairs, immediately heading towards them. I'm about to go down when Spencer's voice stops me._

_'What's up Spence?'_

_Her voice in my ear makes her sound so close, as if she is right next to me, and I can hear the sudden fear in it. 'Paige...promise me you'll be careful'._

_I smile at her words, feeling the warmth of her concern wrap around me. _

_Since Emily and I had argued about the anonymous note I wrote Officer Holbrook two months ago, I had been feeling pretty alone; the knowledge that I had brought it on myself only adding to my misery. Visiting Spencer had started out as my way of trying to get back in Emily's good books, she surely couldn't stay mad at me if I solved the A mystery once and for all; yet something else had happened as well, something I would of never imagined. I grew close to Spencer._

_I had spent every evening and weekend that I could with Spencer, using my cover as Mr. Shaw's daughter to gain access into the facility. We had spent the whole time talking, 80% of the talk was about A; what I had discovered during the week, what Spencer remembered from the two years of digging and sleuthing she had done by herself and with the others, and what I needed to do for the rest of the week; but the other 20%, the part that was unexpected, was spent getting to know each other. _

_It turned out we were more alike than we knew; including the fact that we both had domineering fathers who set unrealistically high expectations on their daughters shoulders, criticizing and critiquing every detail of their lives, and turning them into over achieving perfectionists. We traded war stories, a 'my father is worse than your father' tit for tat, laughing and joking for ages, but it was only when Spencer had looked at me and said 'You were saved by the who being gay thing, must of made things easier,' that I had cracked up laughing so hard I ended up crying. Spencer had looked at me like I was mad, her face the picture of confusion, but I had eventually calmed down enough to explain just how far from 'easy' me coming out really had been._

_I told Spencer everything; things I hadn't even been brave enough to tell Emily. _

_I told her about realizing I liked girls, and the terror that came with that realization because of my fathers views. I told her about developing feelings for Emily, and how Alison had used them against me. I explained how I was so terrified of Ali outing me that I pretty much retreated to Narnia in my quest to stay in the closet. How the self loathing I harbored was taken out on others, the hockey field seeing the worst of it; my opponents quickly growing to loath facing me because I had no fear of physical pain. I had actually welcomed it in an attempt to try and eclipse the emotional pain I was in, hence my getting a penalty named in my honor._

_I confessed to being glad when Alison disappeared because the constant fear of being outed went with her, but then my feelings for Emily came back with a vengeance, which terrified me even more. My cheeks burned with shame as I told her about how mean I was to Emily, but I didn't try to sugar coat it or excuse it. I admitted to victimizing Emily because of what she represented, how in my mind it wasn't actually Emily I was holding under the water, she was merely the physical representation of the part of me I couldn't accept. _

_I explained how I felt about kissing Emily for the first time, and the panic it put me in straight after. I told her about riding through the rain to apologize to Emily, and being relieved when I crashed on the way home because it meant I didn't have to fight Emily for anchor at the swim meet. I explained how I tried, desperately, to be straight; but how my date with Sean just reinforced that Emily was the only one that made me feel alive. I smiled as I told her how sweet Emily was, and how perfect our secret dates were, but then my smile disappeared as I told her about how I screwed it all up._

_I talked with tears running down my face about losing Emily through my fear, how I had pushed her away when she tried to get me to talk to Samara; and the pain that knifed through me when I heard she had gotten back together with Maya. Spencer listened in perfect silence as I confessed to hitting rock bottom, to being so low that I knew even the love of my parents disappearing couldn't hurt me more that I was already hurting; so I finally told them the truth. _

_I told her how my father had reacted negatively, blaming my contact with Emily for 'turning me'. I explained how I had trained twice as hard as before so that my father couldn't use it as an excuse to send me away to swimming camp, my body sometimes so sore that it was an effort to even move, let alone swim; and how I crammed extra lessons and private tutoring into an left over time so that I could make sure my grades were perfect. I had wanted to prove that being gay wasn't a bad thing, and I wanted to show him that he could still be proud of me. I also told her how a part of me, the part that would never stop loving Emily, had hoped that she would notice; and that eventually she would be proud of me too. _

_I hadn't been able to look her in the eye during my confessional, so when I looked up I had been shocked to see tears running down Spencer's face. She had looked so sad, her face full of sympathy. Before I could say anything Spencer had pulled me to her and wrapped her arms around me, her whole body enveloping me in comfort. I had been surprised at the move, but had quickly relaxed into the embrace and hugged her back, burying my face into her shoulder. We had stayed that way for several minutes, cocooned against the world by each others arms. I remember the scent of her perfume had seemed to fill my head, the light summery aroma filling me with a warmth I hadn't known I needed until that moment. _

_The memory makes me smile, the same warmth filling me now. I talk quietly because of where I am, but I know she hears the confidence in my voice 'Don't worry Hastings, I got this'. _

_'I know you do Paige,' her voice is soft, her words gentle. 'I just want to make sure you come back to me in one piece'. _

_Her words mean so much to me that I can't answer straight away. I clear my throat, blinking back tears. I make sure my voice sounds strong, with no sign of the emotion that had just swamped me. 'I'll come back Spencer, I promise'._

I jolt awake, pulled out of my nightmare by something. I swing my legs out of bed and clasp my head in my hands, trying to calm my ragged breathing. The nightmares have gotten worse, a lot worse, since Spencer's reappearance in my life. Normally I am able to catch an average of four hours sleep, but now I'm lucky if I can manage two. I am having to rely on the sleep medication more, which in turn means I have to drink more coffee to combat the foggy feeling it leaves me with the morning after.

This combination leaves me very on edge, and very irritable. I have been working out twice as hard to try and appease the anger that builds in me, but a good fight is the only thing that manages to take the edge off. In the two weeks since I left Spencer on Main Street I have gone looking for trouble more often than normal, and have been lucky enough to come across several scumbags stupid enough to think they can take me.

I know I am a on slippery slope, and am not totally in control, but the rage I feel keeps egging me on. I let them get in a few more shots then normal, the bruises appeasing some of the guilt bubbling inside me; then switch up a gear and annihilate them, to the point where ambulances accompanying the cop cars are now a regular occurrence.

So far I have resisted the temptation to call Hanna and interrogate her about Spencer, but after my latest nightmare I feel my will weakening. I sit on the edge of my bed, the sweat still hot on my skin, and try to regulate my breathing. My last words to Spencer flash in my mind, the echo taunting me as I groan my frustration into the still room.

I lift my head, shaking it to try and dislodge the memory. A light blinking on my bedside cabinet catches my eye, and I know I have found the something that roused me from my restless slumber. The little blue icon on my cell telling me I have a message is winking innocently at me, and I feel my breath freeze in my chest. Only one person has this number, and I left her standing outside Pottery Barn fifteen days ago.

I reach for the phone slowly, my unsteady hand fumbling it for a second before I get a good grip. I lift it to eye level, pausing before unlocking it. Before I can talk myself into flushing the phone without reading the message I unlock the screen, the message popping up immediately. I read the message several times, then a few more just to be sure. I spend a good twenty minutes staring at that damn message before I can properly process its implications.

_**You said you'd be there if I needed a little help. You still willing to honor that promise? H.**_

She is asking for my help, something I thought she would never want again. My head is telling me to call Hanna, to tell her what Spencer is up to and get her to find someone to help, because the last time I tried to help someone I screwed up, catastrophically. Yet my heart is telling me to help her, to be the person she needs; even if it is only for right now. Spencer doesn't ask for help easily; the fact that she is willing to ask a total stranger for help scares me more than anything, and makes up my mind for me.

I write fast, hitting send before I can chicken out.

_**Meet me where I first met you. 2am.**_

I feel sick as soon as the message is sent, my heart thundering in my chest as I await a reply. As the seconds tick over I start to think I won't get one, my message not conducive to open conversation. Just as I am about to put the phone down it vibrates in my hand, the sudden sensation making me jump slightly. Her reply is short, and to the point.

_**You promise?**_

My voice is scratchy as I speak aloud, my whispered words touching the air.

'I promise'.


	8. Chapter 8

**Just wanted to say a quick thanks for all the reviews, they seriously put a massive smile on my face every single time. I walk round grinning like a loon they whole day, and give me hope that the book I'm trying to write (which is currently on hold while I write this) will be halfway decent! I love Paige and Spencer, the two best characters (in my humble opinion) and am glad people are seeming to think I am doing them justice. **

**Rooonie: Glad you're still enjoying, and that you can see the chemistry. I aimed for subtlety, but was worried it would get lost in the mix.**

**Elleie813: Thank you for your lovely words, it is very kind of you. I am a total bookworm and have too felt the power of a gripping story, so to have my work described as such is a massive compliment. I could happily write this story for 12 hours a day, but sadly have to make do with the hour and a bit a day I managed to scrape together during the day.**

**Getlostandruncici: Sleep has often lost in the weigh up between rest and a good book, I am totally thrilled my writing can cause this reaction in others, though feel like I must apologize for the bags that may appear under your eyes because of it! Thank for saying you think they stay true to their canon personalities; Lindsey and Troian are masters at what they do and the reason I haven't written this before was because I was worried that I couldn't do their characters justice. **

**Chapter 8**

'Again'.

I receive a dirty look, but no complaint. I have been making Spencer run drills for the last forty five minutes without a break, and she looks ready to drop.

As I watch her work her way through the different stations I think back to our meeting, and wonder again how I agreed to this.

_**Five weeks previously**_

_1:48am. _

_I have been here for the last half hour, and in that time I have changed my mind about leaving approximately twenty times. Each time I think I have just about convinced myself that it would be better for both of us if I was a no show, I am reminded of my last words to her. **I promise. **_

_Back in Rosewood I had made Spencer a promise I could not keep, two promises in fact. I had promised that I could handle the situation with A, which was a lie. I also promised her that I would be ok, another lie. I can't break a third promise to her, I just can't; so I stay put._

_I see a shadow move at the entrance to the alley and check my watch again, 1:53am; Spencer is punctual. I watch as she skirts the perimeter of the alley, keeping herself cloaked in darkness. She stops once she has scouted the area and found it empty, looking around for me no doubt._

_I move silently, my vantage point on the roof allowing me to keep her in sight while remaining hidden. Once I am close enough I switch the voice changer on and slip down the side of the building, emerging in front of her, less than four feet away. She starts at my sudden appearance, instinctively lashing out with the nun-chuck. _

_I had anticipated her reaction, and am able to catch the metal bar before it manages to make contact with my face. 'Easy there, its just me'. _

_She instantly flushes, though decides to attack rather than apologize. 'Seriously? You think sneaking up on the girl that got shot here is going to invite a welcoming response?'_

_I release the nun-chuck without reply, knowing her verbal assault is borne out of nerves more than anything because of the way her voice shakes as she talks. My silence seems to unnerve her even more, her body language screaming fight or flight. _

_She seems to choose fight as she plants her fists on her hips and gives me a haughty look. 'Managed to lose your tongue in the last two weeks have you? Fight a cat on one of your outings?' _

_I smile to myself, glad she has lost some of the tremor from her voice. 'It's lovely to see you too Hastings, I missed your sparkling personality'._

_She frowns at me, my light hearted tone not the recounter expected. 'How about next time you make some sort of noise huh, cough or something. Then you won't scare the girl that got shot and have a weapon aimed at your head'. _

_'Next time, so this is going to be a regular thing huh? Should I have brought my social calender?' I can't help but be playful; despite the nightmares her presence has provoked, I am actually glad to see Spencer again. _

_'I'm sure you can squeeze me in amongst your many charity balls and benefit galas, Bruce'. Her tone is lighter, though still challenging. _

_'To be honest, I didn't expect to hear from you again. You seem like a girl that can take care of herself. Not withstanding bullets wounds, of course'. _

_Spencer looks more relaxed now, her face confident as she talks. 'I can take care of myself, quite well in fact. Not withstanding bullet wounds, of course'._

_I smile at her acknowledgment of my care, glad to see she can admit she is not bulletproof. _

_'That's kind of why I wanted to see you...' Spencer suddenly looks coy, and I'm reminded of the look Emily used to get when she was about to ask to borrow my favorite sweater. I frown at the thought and push it away, not wanting to think about her right now._

_'…...to train me'. _

_'What?' I realize I fuzzed out the end of Spencer's comment, my mind elsewhere. _

_'I thought about what you said, about making a choice. It was all I could think about to be honest, especially after reading about all the people you've helped'._

_At my head tilt she confesses, 'I kinda did some research in the library, looked at newspaper articles about witnesses reporting they'd been saved by a mysterious person'._

_I should of known, Spencer was always good at doing her homework._

_'I decided I want to make a difference too, like you do. I want you to train me'. Spencer's voice is serious now, all previous humor replaced with her business voice. _

_I don't know how to reply, this was not what I was expecting at all. To be honest, I was hoping our last encounter had made her see sense; that she was asking for my help in getting home to safety, not that she wanted to be my apprentice. _

_'I'm not sure that's a good idea...' The doubt in my voice is evident. _

_I can tell she expected this reaction from me as she cuts me off with what sounds like a prepared speech. 'I'm a quick learner, and I've always been a good student. I'll do whatever you say, I won't backchat or argue at all...'_

_I highly doubt Spencer has the capacity to keep quiet if she feels strongly about something, but I refrain from interrupting for the time being. _

_'…...I am willing to sign a waiver to say I agreed to this, in case you're worried about the legal side of things if something happens to me'. _

_I can't help but laugh, the irony apparently lost on Spencer as she frowns at me. 'Come on Hastings, surely you can see the funny side to what you just said'. _

_She continues frowning at me so I elaborate. 'I spend my nights going out and looking for people to beat up; the 'Legal Side Of Things' isn't really one of my top concerns'. _

_Her face clears in understanding, a small smile appearing to tug at the edges of her mouth. 'Oh. I guess that makes sense'._

_'Besides, if anything went wrong I'd just dump your body in the river and move towns'. I say the words really deadpan, and for a moment she can't tell if I'm joking on not. _

_'Come on Hastings, if you expect to be the Daniel-san to my Mr. Miyagi, you're going to have to learn to recognize when I'm kidding'. I laugh at her, the expression on her face too funny not to. _

_'You're referencing the original karate kid. How retro.' Her face is half impressed, half weirded out. _

_'You prefer something a little more current. How about Buffy and Mr. Giles?' _

_'You're a total geek, I'm impressed'. She laughs at me, finally relaxing enough to step a bit closer. 'Can I ask you a question?' _

_'It's never just one question with you Hastings, but go ahead'. I'm wary, but our banter has me in a good mood. _

_She actually sticks her tongue out at me, scrunching her nose up in the process. 'I'm an inquisitive person, I like to know stuff, so sue me'. She folds her arms across her chest, tilting her at me. 'What's with the voice changer?'_

_Her question surprises me; I thought it was going to be something to do with me training her, so I don't have an answer ready. _

_'Is there something wrong with your voice, like its all messed up because your vocal chords got smashed in a fight or something?' Curious Spencer has come out to play._

_'My voice is fine, thank you very much. I wear it because...' I switch the voice changer to its top setting, the one I use when I'm facing off against an opponent. '…...it's really effective at psyching out assholes who think they're tough'._

_Spencer actually leaps back in fright, her face shocked at the new voice. I switch the changer back to its lowest setting, trying my hardest not to laugh at her. _

_'That wasn't funny!' She sounds angry, her voice high pitched and wavery. _

_'Actually it was, your face was quite the picture; but that wasn't the aim of the demonstration'. _

_'Was the aim of the demonstration to make me soil myself? Because if it was I can report it very nearly succeeded!' Indignant Spencer has come out to say hello. _

_'I apologize for scaring you, but prior warning would of made it less effective'. _

_'How about you just agree to not spring any more surprises on me, prior warning needed for all actions that may lead to me suddenly going into cardiac arrest; can you do that for me?'_

_I nod at her. 'I can do that'. _

_'Good'. She steps back towards me, her eyes focused on me. 'Now you can answer my question properly'. _

_I frown at her words, not understanding 'I just gave you a demonstration that was pretty self explanatory, do I need to give you advance warning and do it again?_

_'You really don't'. She shudders slightly, the memory of the voice running a chill through her body. 'I understand that the maniac from Saw voice is to intimidate the bad guys, but my question was why do you use a voice changer at all when talking to me. I mean the only reasons to use a voice changer are if the person you're talking to would recognize your voice, or if you were trying to disguise your gender...'_

_Spencer Hastings and her darn inquisitive mind. If I wasn't so freaked out, I 'd been impressed._

_She is looking at me intently, trying to gauge my reaction. Its difficult to do when all she can really see are my eyes and my chin, but she is certainly giving it a good go. _

_'When I wear the hood, I wear the voice. It's as simple as that'. I keep my expression neutral, my voice toneless. 'It's safer for both of us if you know nothing about me, not even the sound of my voice'._

_She still looks inquisitive, so I decide its safer to change the subject. 'If I agree to train you...' Her face lights up at my words. '…...which right now is still a big IF, I have a few conditions'. _

_'What kind of conditions?' Her eyes narrow in suspicion._

_'Not so eager to sign that waiver now are ya'. Humor sparkles in my voice._

_She rolls her eyes at my tone. 'Oh I'm still willing to sign it; I just want make sure I'm not agreeing to work out in neon pink spandex while you throw knives at my head or something'._

_'That's an...interesting...image, one that's going to take a while to get out of my head'. I chuckle as she blushes, her face going a rather adorable shade of red._

_'Ok..., moving swiftly on. What kind of conditions were you thinking then?'_

_'Number one, no arguing. My decision is final, on everything'. _

_She hesitates for only a moment before nodding; a move that surprises, and disappoints, me. I had picked that condition first because I was counting on it to make her think twice about what she is signing up for. The Spencer I knew hated giving up control, which was admittedly one of the contributing reasons she ended up in rehab, but it was also one of the things that made her such a strong personality. To see her relinquish control of her life so quickly, and to a total stranger, makes me desperately want to know what happened to her after I left Rosewood to make her change so much. _

_'Number two, no more fighting...' I hold my hand up as she goes to argue. 'Refer to rule number one before saying anything'. _

_She pulls a face, but closes her mouth without saying anything. I'm glad she tried to argue, it shows the old Spencer is still in there somewhere.'No more fighting on your own, I don't want you out there until I say you're ready. Agreed?'_

_'She nods her head. Agreed. Anything else?'_

_I think for a moment, then say. Just one more, for now. No hooch, and no more cooch'. _

_I see her eyes bug out a little, her face contorting through a series of expressions; surprise morphs into shock, which changes to disbelief, then settles on flat out 'please let the floor swallow me now' mortification. 'I...Why...What...'_

_She trips over her words before stopping, taking a deep breath to calm down. She then forces herself to look me in the eye as she talks. 'I understand the no alcohol part of the rule, but I don't see how the no wom...how the other part, has any baring on things'. _

_I look at her carefully, trying to see what it is she isn't saying. 'You signed away your right to argue without pause, yet you challenge me on your right to pick up strangers for one night stands. Is your sex drive so high that you can't forgo picking up random guys and girls for the duration of our agreement?'_

_She is unable to maintain eye contact, the unflinching look I'm giving her making her swing her eyes to the ground. Her voice is quiet when she speaks, but the stillness of the alley means I hear her words perfectly. 'There's no guys, just girls...and it isn't about the, the sex; generally I'm so wasted I can't even remember that part anyway. It's about...'_

_She stops mid-sentence, her thoughts clearly conflicted. I stay quiet until she looks at me, her eyes flicking back and forth between my face and some point just over my left shoulder. She shakes her head as she talks. 'It really doesn't matter why I do it, it only happens when I'm drunk anyway. If I'm not drinking, I'm not going to end up going home with random brunettes with shy smiles anymore'. _

_Why on earth would Spencer be hooking up with women who have brown hair and shy smiles? The enigma that is Spencer Hastings continues to baffle me, but I don't let it show as I hold out my gloved hand. 'Deal?'_

_Spencer looks at my hand, her internal battle doused for now. She slides her hand into mine, her grip firm. Her eyes meet mine, her gaze once again unwavering. 'Deal'._

The memory makes me focus on Spencer again, watching as she pummels the crap out of the worn punching bag in front of her.

Spencer had thrown herself into the training, doing everything I instruct her to do without complaint. I have to give her props for it because I have tested her to her limits, and then pushed her beyond them. Spencer is improving at an exceptional rate, learning the moves in lightening quick time, able to repeat them quickly and with precision.

We meet almost every night; the abandoned warehouse I had been using to work out in is now Spencers personal gym, and I have found a second location just for me. Having to wear my disguise hinders my ability to work out to my full extent, the sports bra and running shorts I normally wear giving me more freedom to exert myself; but I knew Spencer wouldn't be able to resist trying to catch me without my disguise, and I was proved right within the first few days. I had rigged a motion sensor camera just next to the skylight we use to enter the building, and sure enough Spencer was snapped creeping into the building outside of the strict schedule I had given to her two days after I had told her it's where I normally work out.

I had reprimanded her severely, and threatened to cut all contact with her if she ever disobeyed me again. I could tell Spencer was genuinely horrified at the thought of me disappearing back into the woodwork and had apologized profusely, swearing on every god she could name that she would never step out of line again. She had been true to her word, but I still couldn't risk it, so the empty apartment building two blocks from here now serves as my workout station.

The sound of something snapping makes me realize I have zoned out again, and turn to find Spencer has managed to knock the punching bag off of its stand. She is standing over it, her chest heaving with the effort to draw enough air into her lungs to feed the burning in her veins, a satisfied expression on her face.

I walk over to her, thinking to myself how typical it is that only Spencer Hastings could manage to make being covered in sweat look this good. Her skin is flushed with the blood pumping through her body, her face alight with energy despite the grueling workout she has has just endured. Her eyes are pinned to me, the challenge in them speaking volumes.

I stop next to the downed bag, pushing it slightly with my toe. 'Another one bites the dust'. I look at Spencer, seeing the pleased look on her face.

I keep a neutral expression, even though I know she has done incredibly well. Instead I point to the far end of the building, at the climbing wall I had constructed for her. 'Climb to the top, no stopping. Go. Now'.

Without hesitation Spencer sprints for the wall, scaling it like she had been bitten by a radioactive spider. Once she reaches the top she reversed her direction, immediately returning to the ground, then back to my side.

I take a breath, knowing that I can't postpone this moment anymore. I keep my voice steady, masking my trepidation as I look at her. 'You're ready. It's time to go hunting'.


	9. Chapter 9

**Things are getting interesting...**

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so please let me know what you think!**

**Chapter 9**

'Well, this is fun'.

I look at Spencer, the sarcasm in her voice as clear as a bell.

We have been patrolling the city for the last three hours, and all we have managed to scare up is a few stray cats fighting over a piece of fish. This is our third night of patrolling, and its also our third night of zero action.

Spencer is dressed in an almost identical outfit to me, though she wears a hat instead of a hood. She had tried to argue, despite ground rule number one, that a hood would disguise her more effectively. I couldn't deny this fact, it is the reason I wear one after all; but told her that she needed to prove in battle that she was aware of her surrounds at all times before I would agree to her limiting her field of vision in such a way. The mask I had made for her isn't as elaborate as mine, the time required to make such a detailed one not available to me, but it still prevents anyone identifying her. It is currently dangling around her neck, ready to put on at a moments notice.

'You know, some people actually think patience is a virtue'.

Spencer rolls her eyes at me, scoffing at my words. 'Yeah, well some people also think you choose to be gay. In my experience, people are often wrong'.

'Coming out was rough huh'.

She shrugs her shoulders, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her top as she does. 'My family were shocked, to say the least'.

'Families are always the most surprised, probably because they're the ones you tried your hardest to hide it from'.

She stops and looks at me in surprise, but I continue to the edge of the roof; leaping easily onto the adjacent building. Spencer hurries to join me, her leap full of athletic grace and poise. She lands with hardly a sound, but breaks the silence with a barrage of questions. 'How do you know that? Are you gay? Did you have problems coming out to your family too?'

I stop walking, turning to face Spencer. 'Whether I'm gay or not would be a fact about me, yet I have already made it clear that knowing anything about me is not part of our deal. Take what I offer and don't push for more'.

I know I'm being harsh, but I'm mad at myself for running my mouth without a filter. Of course Spencer would be all over it like a rash, I am so damn stupid sometimes.

Spencer looks annoyed at my reprimand, thought she does well to bite back whatever retort would of automatically popped into her head. Instead she schools her face into a mask of indifference, her eyes the only clue to her true feelings. 'Your comments are heard and noted. I'll make sure to be more circumspect in the future'.

We start walking again, the silence now awkward and oppressive. I feel bad that I stomped all over her just as she was starting to talk about herself as this is what I have been waiting weeks for; for her to start opening up so that I can help her.

'Someone I used to know told me once that they didn't come out of the closet, they fell out; on their face. But that it didn't matter, because all that mattered was that they were out'. As soon as the words are out my mouth I curse myself for revealing something that can connect me so easily to Spencer. I wonder what it is about Spencer Hastings that makes me lower my guard all the time. I pray Emily never described her coming out like that to anyone else, especially not Spencer.

I feel the weight of Spencer's eyes on me, her gaze curious. 'You used to know them?'

I can't ready anything in Spencer's tone, her voice now frustratingly neutral. I have to play this carefully, if Spencer is even the least bit suspicious then I'm swimming in very dangerous water right now. I shrug and reply in an even tone, 'We lost touch a few years ago; our lives took different paths, and I'm not exactly on anyone's Christmas card list right now'.

Spencer looks thoughtful at my words, turning her head to look out over the rooftops and into the distance. 'They're always in your thoughts though aren't they. Even though you haven't seen them in years; you still think about them, wonder if they're happy, if they ever think of you...'

There is such sadness in her voice, her emotions being laid bare by her words. Whoever she is pining for must be someone very special, because Spencer doesn't give her heart away easily. A sudden thought come to me, the realization hitting like a lightening bolt. 'You must miss her a lot. When was the last time you saw her?'

Spencer turns to look at me, her expression surprised.

I had finally managed to connect the pieces, the picture now so startlingly obvious that I must have been an idiot not to see it earlier. Spencer had developed feelings for someone she cared about in Rosewood, someone who was already taken. I was confused because I though it was someone Spencer met during her time in rehab, but it was actually someone she already knew. Spencer's preference for one night stands with dark haired girls who have shy smiles suddenly made sense. Emily. Spencer Hastings had fallen in love with Emily Fields.

The realization doesn't make me jealous, maybe because I know the pain of loving but not being able to be with Emily all too well. Over time I had come to accept that Emily and I would never be together again; the pain of that acceptance had been agonizing in the beginning, but it has now dulled to a faint ache. Instead I feel sympathy for Spencer, wishing there was something I could do to help. Emily and Spencer were always close, their friendship withstanding more tests then Emily and I managed to.

A year ago I had caved and asked Hanna about Emily; finding out that Emily was dating a girl at college and seemed really happy. Hanna had sounded so apologetic as she told me, as if she was the one causing me pain, instead of a girl that I hadn't seen in almost three years. Even though my heart had broken into a million pieces at her words, I had still been able to feel happy for Emily. Her happiness had been why I had gone after A in the first place, and despite the god awful mess that resulted for my actions, at least I managed to achieve that.

Maybe that is why Spencer has spiraled this way; going home during the holidays and meeting up with the girls, only to have the object of her affections flaunt a new love would be soul crushing; even for someone as strong as Spencer.

Spencer is still gawping at me, so I stop and look at her. 'You told me you fell for someone back home Hastings, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out she's a brunette with a shy smile, or that you still have feelings for her. You're trying to work through your pain by indulging in one night stands with random girls who look vaguely like her, in the hopes you can finally work her out of your system. Trust me, it doesn't work; and it doesn't honor your memory of her either. All it does is make you feel worse about yourself'.

Spencer shuffles her feet, avoiding my gaze. Her guilty face tells me everything I need to know, but I want her to admit it too. Only after she admits it can she begin to let her go. I give her as much time as she needs, seeing her trying to organize her thoughts. After a few minutes she looks up at me, and I can read such sorrow in her eyes.

When Spencer speaks, its with regret and longing, the words soft and reverential. 'Even though I was only a friend to her, she still managed to make me feel more alive than I did when I was being loved by Toby. She had this way of making you feel special, always putting your feelings above her own; even when you could see she was in pain herself. You'd have to know her to really get it, but believe me when I say that I don't regret falling for her, even though I know she'll never return my feelings'.

Her words are so genuine, her heart on her sleeve as she speaks. I don't blame her for still being hung up on Emily; if I had never got to be with her I probably still would be too. 'Did you ever tell her how you feel?'

Spencer shakes her head sadly, her voice wistful. 'There was no point, she was madly in love with someone else. When they split up it broke her heart, and I knew that I could never compare to the candle she would always carry for her. Telling her would of just made her feel awkward being around me, and I didn't want to jeopardize our friendship'.

Maybe Emily does still feel something for me, but she had also moved on with her life. I know I will always love Emily; she was my first love which makes her special, but I also know that I am no longer IN love with her. I feel like Spencer just missed her chance; they were apart while Emily's heart healed, so she didn't get the opportunity to confess her love when the timing was right. Emily always said that out of the other three girls, Spencer would be the one she could see herself being in a relationship with. She had joked that Spencer was a lot like me, she just wore her armor a little thicker.

I can understand why she didn't tell Emily how she felt, but I also know how destructive holding in your feelings can be. 'You can't choose who you love, but you can choose to love them unselfishly'.

My voice is soft, but the changer makes it come out gruffer. 'You should still tell her, she has a right to know. Even if she doesn't feel the same way back, at least you would be free of holding it in all the time'.

Spencer nods like she understands, but sighs softly. 'Maybe if I ever see her again I will, but I have no idea where she is. I haven't seen her in years'.

Her words confuse me as I know that Hanna keeps in regular contact with all of them and they've met up several times, but before I can think about it too long a scream rips through the night.

We both immediately sprint in the same direction, all previous thoughts pushed aside by the desperate cry for help. We fly across buildings, our pace almost identical, and hit the edge of the block at the same time. It takes less that two seconds to assess the situation; a woman on the floor, clothes disheveled, surrounded by seven men. The sound of her begging reaches our ears, as does the disgusting things the men are joking to each other.

I can see Spencer out the corner of my eye; her mask is now in place, and her whole body is thrumming with the need to inflict pain on these vile creatures. Without taking my eyes off the scene I growl out, 'Take em down Hastings'.

My words act like a magic button, releasing her from her cage. Spencer shoots for the edge of the building, locating the drain pipe with ease, and uses it to shimmy down the building in no time. I am hot on her heels, but when I hit the ground I pause, watching as she leaps into action.

Spencer has been an avid student, and I take a moment to admire the raw power she possesses as she takes apart each man. Her strokes are precise, controlled, and perfectly executed. She moves with a dancers grace; her feet moving in sync with the swings and arches of her arms, making sure her center of gravity is perfectly aligned to maximize the power in her punches.

It sounds crazy to say as she is currently in the middle of a massive fight; but for the first time since meeting Spencer again, she actually looks happy. Her face is alight with life as she twists and bends, meeting each and every attempt to land a blow by the men she's fighting with a counter move of her own. Spencer looks truly radiant, a warrior woman alive in battle.

I feel my breath catch in my throat as it hits me just how beautiful I think she looks, the strength of the unexpected emotion catching me by surprise. I had always thought Spencer was very attractive, I have eyes after all; but I was so in love with Emily that the thought of anyone else as more than a friend didn't even enter my head. I met Shana when I thought I had screwed up my only chance of ever being with Emily; and because she reminded me of her I settled for a lookalike, but quickly came to realize she was a poor substitute for the real thing.

I feel the blood rushing through my veins despite standing still, and I am sudden lightheaded. My whole being is transfixed by Spencer, and I realize that for the first time in a really, really, long time, desire is coursing through my body. My head is suddenly filled with memories; the context altered in response to my heightened emotions. I now remember how happy I felt whenever I went to see Spencer in rehab, and how right Spencer's arms felt around me when we hugged. I remember how, after Emily, Spencer was the person I felt most upset about losing from my life in the aftermath of A. My mind takes me back to when I discovered Spencer; and how, beneath the shock of finding her in such unusual circumstances, I was secretly excited to see her again. My senses tingle with the remembered softness of Spencer's skin as I tended to her bullet wound, and recall the scent of her hair as I tied the blindfold over her eyes.

Holy crap, I fancy the pants off Spencer Hastings! I swallow as I realize just how awkward this makes things, as Spencer is currently in love with my ex girlfriend. I shake my head, gritting my teeth as I clamp down on my emotions, pushing them into a box marked 'do not open' in my mind.

I manage to compose myself just as Spencer fells her last opponent. I stride over to her, making sure my eyes don't linger too long on her sweaty, gorgeously glowing, beautiful...I bite the inside of my cheek hard, forcing myself out of the Spencer induced lust haze I seemed to have just developed. I turn my head away from her, ignoring the beaming smile currently lighting up her face, and walk straight past her.

I see her face fall at my lack of approval, but then she sees where I'm heading and her face changes to one of compassion. She falls into step beside me, and listens in silence as I make my phone call to the police. I pocket the phone as we reach our destination and Spencer stops a step behind me, letting me take the lead. I crouch down in front of the young blonde woman, scanning her for signs of injury. Her clothes are ripped and muddy, but she seems physically unharmed. 'You're safe now, the police will be here soon'.

'They...they said they were going to...' Tears are streaming down her face, her words coming out choked as she hyperventilates in fear.

'They won't be able to do anything now, they will be locked up for a long time'. She doesn't react, not hearing me as her fear pushes her towards a panic attack, too far gone for mere words to help.

'Fuck, we can't leave her like this'. I mutter to myself, my inner voice telling me to scarper before the cops arrive.

I look over my shoulder at Spencer, her face painted into a look of concern. 'What's wrong with her?'

'Shes having a panic attack'. My mind is racing, trying to work out what to do. There is no way she will accept any physical contact from me, even if we are the ones that just helped her; she thinks I'm a guy, and sevens guys just tried to assault her. I think about talking Spencer thorough what I would do, but know that it would be too time consuming, the police would be here before it would work.

Instead, I do the only thing I can think to do. 'Spencer, go to the end of the alley. Stay there until you hear sirens. As soon as you do, give me a whistle and head back'.

She nods at me and jogs off to do as I say. As soon as she is out of hearing range I move closer to the woman in front of me, switching the voice changer off as I go. 'Sweetie, you need to listen to me ok'.

The woman on the floor immediately looks at me, the suddenly feminine voice managing to pull her from her inner turmoil. Her eyes widen as she registers the fact that I'm female, her mouth dropping open in surprise. I smile softly at her, my hand reaching out slowly to touch her knee. 'You need to be strong right now, can you do that for me honey?'

She nods her head slowly, her face a picture of disbelief. 'You're...a...'

I place my index finger against my lips and wink at her, a small smile on my face. 'Our little secret ok?'

She nods again, her reactions becoming more animated as she forgets about her fear in favor of her amazement at my reveal. She places her hand over the one I have on her knee, squeezing my hand gently. 'You saved my life'. Her words are barely above a whisper, but they are full of emotion.

I turn my hand over in her grip, clasping our hands together. 'Lets get off this dirty floor huh'.

I help her stand up, and she immediately steps into me, wrapping her arms around my body. I don't pull away, letting my arms rest softly on her back. Over her shoulder I can see Spencer at the end of the alley, her head tilted in contemplation; clearly wondering at my ability to pull a panic stricken woman out of her fugue so quickly. I'm going to to have to come up with a convincing lie to explain this, because I just know Spencer is going to be full of questions.

The woman in my arms pulls back slightly, her voice drawing my attention away from Spencer. 'I don't know how I can ever repay you, I owe you my life'.

I hear a whistle and my eyes flick for the briefest of moments back to Spencer, seeing her jogging back to us. I return my gaze to the woman in front of me, smiling softly at her. 'You owe me nothing, it was my friend over there that took them down. The police will be here shortly; I would be grateful if you were vague with our descriptions. The longer they don't know about us, the longer we can continue doing what we do'.

She nods her head in agreement, her eyes understanding. 'I saw a guy in a dark outfit and hood, not much more I can remember than that'.

I hear Spencer approaching so I flick the voice changer back on, addressing the young woman in my new voice. 'That sounds perfect to me'.

Spencer arrives back at my side, eying the now animated blonde. 'The police will be here soon. How's everything this end?'

Spencer is caught off guard as the blonde launches herself at her, wrapping her arms around her body like she did to me, pressing her face against her shoulder. 'Thank you, thank you, thank you. You saved my life'. Her words are slightly muffled by Spencer's shoulder, but the intensity of her words is still clear.

Spencer's face is comical; her eye have widened in shock and her face is turned to me for help, clearly not expecting the damsel in distress to throw herself into her arms. I want to laugh so bad that I have to bite my tongue in the effort not to, and simply gesture at Spencer to return the embrace. Spencer awkwardly hugs the woman back, giving her a whole two seconds of comfort before being the first to pull away.

Spencer looks at me and is about to say something when she stops, her eyes focused on something over my shoulder. I turn and follow her gaze, spotting what drew her eye immediately. One of the guys has managed to make it to his feet, his right hand now clasping a long metal pipe he must of found in the alley. His face is set in a mask of fury, his chest puffed out with anger.

Spencer takes a step towards him, but I halt her with a hand on her arm. She looks at me in confusion, her eyes asking why I stopped her. I know she can easily deal with him, even though she is not armed herself; but I haven't faced anyone tonight, and I really want to vent my frustrations on this guy.

I hold eye contact with Spencer for the first time since realizing my feelings for her, a grin appearing on my face. 'Don't worry Hastings, I got this'.

A funny look appears on Spencer's face, but I can't focus on what it might mean right now as I have to face my opponent. I reach for my staff, going through the series of twists to unlock it. I can hear the sirens getting louder, so know I have to make this quick. The guy lunges towards me, swinging the pipe wildly. I duck under his swing easily, bringing the staff up to meet his arm. The loud crack as the bone in his forearm shatters reaches my ears, and his scream of pain follows almost immediately. He sinks to his knees, his other hand cradling his arm against his chest as howls of pain emanate from his mouth.

The alley lights up as the first cop car swings into the narrow space, its headlights flooding the corridor. I see Spencer immediately sprint for the far end of the alley, and don't hesitate to follow. By the time we hit the wall I have re-holstered the staff, and use both hands to haul myself over the wall Spencer has just disappeared over. I allow Spencer to lead as we make our way through a series of lefts and rights, putting as much distance between us and what is now a crime scene as possible. After ten minutes Spencer turns into the alley that leads to the abandoned warehouse we use, but stops short of the fire escape.

We are both breathing heavily after our run, taking massive mouth fulls of air to try and stop the burning in our lungs. I am leaning against the building with one arm, trying to slow my breathing when I see Spencer approach. She has taken her mask off and I assume she wants to talk over something, so am unprepared for what happens next.

Before I can register what she is doing, Spencer has lifted her hand and ripped my mask off. My hood falls back to expose my face, and the voice changer clatters to the floor. I freeze instantly, knowing that there is nowhere to hide. I stare at Spencer with wide eyes, my greatest fear since seeing her again suddenly come to life. We stare at each other for what seems like eons, but in reality must have been only a few seconds. I know I have to somehow try to explain this so open my mouth, but only get as far as speaking her name before my lips are suddenly covered with hers.

It takes my brain a couple of seconds to realize what just happened, and Spencer uses them to her advantage. Her kiss is so forceful it presses me back against the building, her her hands coming up to hold my face steady. The kiss sends a bolt of electricity charging through my body, and my hands instinctively shoot up to Spencer's shoulders to pull her even closer. Without thinking about it I kiss her back urgently, my mind lost in the feeling of Spencer's body against mine. Teeth clash as the kiss deepens, tongues meeting in a fiery dance that sends shivers down my spine. Passion swirls uncontrollably through my body, the years of loneliness and isolation I have endured making me want this moment to never end.

Spencer's lips are suddenly ripped for mine as she takes several steps backwards. We are both panting for breath, our chests heaving more now than after the run to get here. Spencer's eyes are alight with emotion, the dark orbs glittering in the weak light as they fix on mine.

I take a small step towards her, raising my hand towards her. 'Spencer, I...'

Her fist connects with my jaw, the impact robbing my mouth of the rest of my sentence. I stagger back a step, the hand I had stretched out to her now moving to cup my throbbing jaw. Spencer immediately turns and flees, her body flying down the alley and disappearing within seconds. I make no move to follow her, rooted to the spot by shock.

Spencer Hastings had just kissed me. Then punched me. Then run away from me with tears in her eyes. What the hell am I going to do now?


	10. Chapter 10

**Thanks to everyone for your reviews, they really do make a world of difference to me. Please always feel free to tell me what you think. **

**I was so nervous about writing the reveal and the kiss, I really wanted their reactions to be authentic to the characters.**

**Ellie813: I'm glad you liked the 'Holy crap, I fancy the pants off Spencer Hastings' line, I wanted it to very much be Paige's type of reaction. In a perfect world I _would_ be doing this as my career; writing is my passion, but your awesome comments lift my heart that maybe just one day it will be possible. **

**Chapter 10**

The rhythmic pounding of my fists and the pants of my breath are the only things breaking the silence of the empty warehouse.

I have been working out for two hours now, pushing myself harder then I have ever done before. Sweat is streaming from my body, and my heart is pounding like a jack hammer in my chest. Each swing at the punching bag is harder than the last, the overwhelming frustration and pain soaring through me urging me on, overriding my body's fatigue.

Every time I blink my eyes, the last image I have of Spencer is plastered on the inside of my lids. Each detail is burned into my brain; the tears that filled her eyes, and the devastated look on her face in the seconds before she turns to run, are as real as if they are still happening, and it feels like they are driving knives through my heart.

It's been almost two weeks since that night, and every text message and voice mail I've bombarded her with has been ignored. I have tried everything I could think of to find her, including trawling bar after bar showing her picture in the vain hope that someone might recognize her; but it seems like she has disappeared into thin air. I have to admit that there is a very strong possibility Spencer has left town, the revelation that I have been lying to her for weeks probably sending her packing straight away.

I had started working out in the old warehouse again in the hopes that she would turn up here at some point, the only place she knows to find me without prior contact; but that hope has now faded. I continue to work out here as a punishment to myself, the memories of spending time with Spencer here a type of self flagellation. Each memory burns like a fresh wound, the pain searing through my already damaged soul. The memory of the kiss hurts the most; the few seconds of pure joy I experienced while kissing Spencer were the happiest I had felt in years, but the devastation I felt in the moments after she punched me and ran was also the worst.

I start cursing myself in time to my punches, venting my anger out loud. **Left **'Idiot' **Right** 'Coward' **Left** 'Fuckwit' **Right** 'Spineless' **Left** 'Traitor' **Right** 'Ruiner'.

My brain is full of unanswered questions, swirling like a whirlpool without end. Why did Spencer kiss me? Was it because I represented a link to Emily; that by kissing me she thought she would somehow feel closer to her? Was that why she punched me, because kissing me had been a mistake? Did she feel disgusted that I had kissed her back despite knowing she loved Emily; that she thinks I took advantage of her regardless of the face that she kissed me first?

With a howl of frustration I throw an even stronger punch at the bag, pouring all of the hate for myself into the blow. I hear a snap as the rope gives, sending the bag crashing to the floor. I halt my movements, drawing lungfuls of air into my burning body as I stare at the battered bag, silently cursing it for giving in so easily. A faint dripping sound catches my attention, drawing my eyes away from the bag. I glance down at the floor by my feet, frowning at the dark droplets staining the concrete.

Another drop falls, and I realize that it is coming from my hand. I raise my right hand, the scarlet mess marring it startlingly bright in the dim light. The skin across my knuckles has split open, the result of me not bothering to wrap my hands before starting to lay into the bag, and my racing heart is helping the blood to flow freely. I shake my head in disgust as I flick my hand, splattering blood everywhere. 'You just can't do anything right can you McCullers, you stupid idiot'.

'Pity party for one, your table is ready'.

I spin round in surprise, my body automatically falling into a defense pose. The owner of the sarcastic voice emerges from the eaves, and I suck in a breath at the sight. There are dark circles under her eyes and she looks exhausted, a pair of black jeans and hoodie worn casually on her frame, but to my Spencer deprived eyes she has never looked more beautiful.

Spencer walks towards me, her eyes running slowly over my frame. Her frank look makes me acutely aware I am just in my sports bra and shorts, the sweat of strenuous exercise drying on my body. My lank hair is pulled into a messy ponytail, and my hand is still pumping blood. I have my own set of dark circles around my eyes due to my no stop search for Spencer, and I have lost weight thanks to my lack of appetite. I look awful, a total dirty mess; yet I don't flinch under Spencer's gaze, knowing I owe her the right to look.

Her eyes finally connect with mine, and I am surprised that the disgust I was sure to find in them is noticeably absent. Instead I see curiosity, confusion, determination, and something else I can't name glittering in her luminous brown orbs. The urge to speak is tremendous, there are so many things I want to say to her, to try and explain; but instead I grit my teeth and stay silent. Spencer chose to face me, fight instead of flight; so I have to let her decide how this plays out.

Spencer walks straight towards me and I brace myself, fully expecting to receive another fist to the face. She notices me tense, her face hardening. 'I'm not going to hit you again, not just yet any way. Follow me'.

Her words are clipped, the tone deliberately terse. I wish I knew what she was thinking, but I have too many thoughts whizzing through my own head to even try and guess at what is in hers. I follow her as she walks to the back of the warehouse, trying my hardest to keep my eyes away from her denim clad rear. How is it that for years I was completely oblivious to how amazing everything about Spencer is, yet now she's all I can think about.

Spencer passes through the door to the bathroom, disappearing inside without a word. I hesitate for a few seconds, but being out of sight of Spencer makes me nervous that she was simply a mirage my overworked and underslept brain worked up, so hurry in after her. If she is a mirage, then my brain is still imagining her, because when I enter I find Spencer standing next to the sink. The first aid kit I keep stashed on the top of the cistern is sitting on the sink next to her, its contents strewn about. I take in the scene silently, looking at her for clarification.

'Wash your hand off, it needs to be bandaged or it won't stop bleeding'. Her voice is still clipped, her words giving nothing away.

I comply without comment, stepping towards the sink and turning the tap on. I place my hand under the frigid water, watching with numb fascination as the bright red liquid circles the plug hole. I keep my hand under the tap until the water starts to run clear, the icy temperature managing to slow the bleeding. In silence I flip the tap off, patting my hand dry with some paper towels. I start to reach for the gauze and bandages she had laid out, intending to bind my hand myself, but Spencer waves me away. 'I'll do it'.

Her words surprise me and make my heart race at the thought of physical contact with her, but I simply nod in acquiescence.

She works methodically, her touches brief and impersonal; yet still gentle and mindful of causing further pain. My eyes are locked on our hands the entire time, the feel of her fingertips against my hand shooting tingles up my arm. My mouth goes dry as the image of her fingers running over my entire body enters my mind, and a shudder shakes my body.

'Something the matter?'

I force myself to look at Spencer, schooling my face into a blank mask. 'I'm fine; it's just a little chilly in here'.

I realize my mistake when my words make Spencer's eyes turn to my frame, her eyes roaming my body. I can almost feel the heat from her gaze, stroking across my skin and raising goosebumps in their wake. Her eyes drift over my torso, eventually raising to lock with mine, and I feel another shudder goes through me as I get lost in the swirling depths of her eyes. Emotions I thought long since buried stir in me; desire, longing, _hope_; all push their way through my body. The memory of Spencer's lips against mine blooms in my mind, how the softness of her lips counterpointed the aggressiveness of her kiss. My eyes drop her her lips, remembering how she tasted of raw passion and fire, and the overwhelming need with which I kissed her back. My eyes flick back up to lock with hers, and I think I see a matching need in them a second before Spencer breaks eye contact.

Spencer releases my hand and takes a step back, clearing her throat as she does. 'You should put a top on'.

I stand stupefied by my emotions for a moment, only able to respond with a pathetic 'Huh?'

Spencer doesn't look at me, instead busing herself by packing up the first aid kit. 'You said you were cold. You should get dressed if you're cold'.

Of course, I told Spencer it was chilly in the bathroom. She probably assumes the sweat drying on my exposed body is making me cold, so her practical side is offering a solution. 'Right, of course'.

I turn to walk out the bathroom, halfway through the door when a thought occurs to me. I stop and turn back, my eyes fixed on Spencer. 'You'll still be here right?'

Spencer looks up from her task, a question in her eyes.

I feel foolish; my words had been frantic, almost desperate in their plea. I had been suddenly panicked that she would disappear as soon as I lost sight of her, slipping away before I had the chance to explain. I make sure my voice is more composed before speaking again, not wanting to scare her away. 'You won't leave before we've had a chance to talk, will you?'

Spencer is silent for so long that I think she isn't going to answer, and I am too far away to see her face well enough to guess what is going through her head. Just as I am about to walk towards her again she answers, her words soft. 'Go put some clothes on Hastings, I'll still be here when you get back'.

I hesitate a moment longer, but the soft smile she gives me makes me feel better about leaving her. I walk back into the main part of the warehouse feeling like I've just had twelve double espresso's to drink; my body is jittery with the come down from exercising, and my mind is a whirlwind of jumbled thoughts. How do even start to explain everything to her? Everything that went down with A was so messed up; my actions causing her untold pain, the effects clearly still haunting her to this day, that I can never deserve her forgiveness. Her small smile just before I left the bathroom is something, an indication that she is at least willing to hear me out; but once I have told her everything, and she deserves to know everything, she will hate me. Of that I have no doubt.

I pull on my pants, fastening the buttons with shaky fingers. A part of me wants to run, to disappear into the night so that I don't have to be the one to destroy her, again. I ran the first time; I had left Rosewood, packing up a bag of stuff and stealing out of the apartment like a thief while Hanna was sleeping so that I wouldn't have to face Spencer, but I can't do it again.

I pull on my top despite not being cold, the thought of being emotionally exposed to Spencer making me want to be physically covered as much as possible. I wince as I raise my arms over my head, the damaged ribs I received the night before once again making themselves known now that the adrenaline my workout produced is wearing off.

'That's quite the bruise you've got'.

Spencer has manged to sneak up on me while I was lost in my musings, now standing less than four feet away from me with her arms folded across her chest. 'That wouldn't have anything to do with the story in the paper about last nights foiled mugging by any chance?'

I finish pulling my top down, covering the large dark purple mark staining my left side. Despite knowing she had ample time to notice the bruise in the bathroom, I feel guilty that I didn't cover it sooner. I've been a little off my game, and the shithead from last night had been wearing knuckledusters. 'It'll heal'. I shrug my shoulders in an attempt to appear nonchalant. 'I've had worse'.

She stares at my abdomen despite its cover, as if she can see straight through it to the flesh below. 'I noticed'.

Her voice is hard, with an angry note in it that confuses me. Is Spencer mad at me for getting injured? Does she think I'm an idiot that can't take care of myself? My head hurts as the number of questions inside it keep piling up, with no idea of when, or even if, they will be answered on the horizon.

Spencer is frowning at me, and I realize she is waiting for me to talk. I feel so lost, as lost as I felt in the aftermath of A, and it makes me wish Hanna was here to take care of me again. I can't put things off any longer so I start moving, my sudden movement spooking Spencer into taking a step back. The sight makes my heart sink, but I keep an unreadable mask on my face as I walk past her. 'Follow me'.

Spencer swivels to keep me in her sight line, but doesn't make a move to follow. 'Where are you going?'

I stop and turn to face her again. 'My apartment'.

She looks apprehensive, like I am trying to lure her into some sort of trap. I sigh gently, running my hands over my face to try and ward off the exhaustion settling over my muscles. I drop my hands to my sides, my voice sounding more weary than I'd like it to. 'I'll tell you everything you want to know Spencer, but this isn't the place for it'.

'Why?' She looks so strong standing in the middle of the empty warehouse; feet planted and arms firmly crossed over her chest, her face elegant and regal. The living embodiment of Athena I think; a Greek goddess of intelligence and skill, yet also well versed in warfare battle strategy and wisdom.

'Why, what?' I can't pretend to know Spencers state of mind, so don't even attempt to guess as to which part of my statement she is referring to.

'Why can't you tell me here?' The suspicion in her voice is apparent, but I can't really blame her.

'Because...I...' I have to stop and take a deep breath, steeling myself before continuing. 'This place may be abandoned, but it still gets the odd hobo wander through. Once I starts talking, explaining; I can't run the risk of being interrupted'.

I start to turn away, intending to continue walking, and am half way round when her voice stops me again. 'Why can't you be interrupted?'

I look at her for a moment, but avert my eyes quickly, knowing that I won't be able to say the words if I can see her. Instead I find a spot on the wall of the warehouse and fix my gaze to it, trying to convince myself that it is that spot I am addressing, rather than the woman who has managed to undo three long years of hard fought for sanity in less than three months.

'Because...' I swallow hard, fighting to keep my voice level. 'Because I know I don't have the strength in me to say the words out loud...' My voice breaks against my will, and I have to pause for a moment, swallowing the urge to throw up, before continuing...'I don't have the strength to say it more than once'.

Without waiting for a response or looking to see what her reaction is, I walk away. After a moments silence I hear the soft tread of her feet as she follows me, and I know that my day of reckoning will soon be upon me.


	11. Chapter 11

**Thank you for your amazing reviews, I am inspired by every single one. I am to update as quickly as possible, and appreciate your patience. **

**The truth is starting to come out, how do you think Spencer is going to react?!**

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**Ellie813: Your comments are brilliant, I hope I don't give you a heart attack before the end of this story!**

**F.A - Thank you for your comments, keep reading and you never know what might happen!**

**Chapter 11**

The journey home had not been fun.

I had parked near the warehouse so we didn't have to walk the three blocks, but the silence in the car had been deafening. The closer we got to my apartment, the more I had freaked out about what was going to happen once we got there. I had kept stealing glances at Spencer out of the corner of my eye, but she had angled her body so she was looking out of the passenger side window as soon as she had sat down, and hadn't spoken the entire journey.

All too soon the car was safely stowed in the garage, and we are now standing side by side in the elevator as it clunks its way up to my floor. Spencer is eying the lift with curiosity, her first ride in it without a blindfold showing her just how dilapidated it really is. The lift chimes as it reaches my floor, the worn doors parting with a sigh for us to exit. I silently lead Spencer down the corridor to my door, the key ready in my hand. As I am swinging the door open I realize the state I left the place in; I had not been expecting to have company this evening.

There is nothing I can do about it now so I walk in, leaving the door open behind me. I switch the main light on and the bulb seems startlingly bright, mainly because it hasn't been used since it was first put in. The unforgiving light throws itself over every inch of my small apartment, pointing out in stark relief the mess it holds.

'What happened?' Spencer walks in and closes the door behind her, her eyes returning to the catastrophe as soon as it clicks shut.

I don't look at Spencer as I answer; instead I push the broken remains of the breakfast table gently with my foot. 'I, er...I was upset'.

'You did this?' She sounds surprised, her tone one of disbelief. 'Why?'

I want to be completely honest with her, and now is as good a time as any to start. I walk over to the window, raising the blind so that I can stare down into the alley. 'I've lived here for almost a year now, and in all that time its been the same as any of the other towns I've spent time in since leaving Rosewood. I arrive, find a cheap place in a rundown area, blend in to the background, and go out hunting at night. When it feels like the police are getting a little too close for comfort, I move on'. I pause to take a breath, then carry on. 'The night I found you, everything changed'.

I receive no reaction from Spencer so I press on. 'I almost had a heart attack when I realised it was you in that alley, the one person I never would of expected in a million years. You were meant to be living it up at college, ruling the roost according to Hanna...'

'Whoa hold up, you spoke to Hanna?!' She interrupts me, her voice incredulous. 'When?'

I shrug my shoulders, keeping my eyes out the window. 'The last time was a few months before you showed up'.

'The _last_ time? How long have you been in contact with her?' I wince at her tone, knowing I owe Hanna a heads up as it sounds like she is soon to feel the wrath of one very pissed off Hastings.

'I've kept in contact ever since I left. It's sporadic; a few months here and there, and I never tell her where I am or what I'm up to, but I check in to let her know I'm ok'.

'Why?' Interrogator Spencer is back in business.

'I don't want her to know where I am because I know she'd come and see if I was really ok. She would be able to tell in a second that I'm not, and I don't want to put that burden on her again'.

'I meant why do you keep in contact with her. You vanished in the middle of the night, not telling anyone where you were going, or if you were ever coming back. Why did you choose Hanna to keep in contact with?' Spencer sounds confused, her voice losing some of the bite it just had.

'Hanna is my person'. A small smile appears on my face as I think about how Hanna had looked after me, the love and support she showed me despite my lack of appreciation at the time. 'I don't know what you know about what happened after...everything, but I pretty much stopped functioning. I stopped eating, stopped caring, pretty much stopped living; and I pushed Emily away because I couldn't stand the look in her eyes, knowing I put it there'.

I hear Spencer's intake of breath at the mention of Emily and wince, knowing that we will have to talk about how Spencer feels about her soon. 'I knew Hanna helped you, but she refused to talk about it; we had quite the row because of you, for such a gossip she sure can keep a secret'.

'Hanna is amazing, she saved my life; quite literally'. I unconsciously rub my left wrist, the phantom itch of healing stitches tickling the skin.

My move doesn't go unnoticed by Spencer's keen eyes, and for the first time this evening I detect worry in her voice. 'Paige? Did you...?

I turn and face her, cutting her off before she can say the words. 'I was in a bad way, lets leave it at that for now. Hanna helped me in ways I can never repay, so yeah, I still keep in contact with her'.

Spencer's face is clouded, her eyes dark pools of bottomless emotion. 'I guess I owe Hanna an apology'.

I can picture the shock on Hanna's face, and it makes me smile a little. 'Don't give her any prior warning it's going to happen or she'll record it; I found that out the hard way'.

I see a ghost of a smile flicker across Spencer's face for a second before it is gone, and I savor the knowledge that I can still make her smile.

I gesture to the room, realizing I never answered the original question. 'To answer your query, I did this because I was upset I'd fucked things up. When you turned up I thought it was my chance to make things right. I agreed to train you because I wanted to know why you were here instead of safe at college; I thought that if I got you talking I could figure out what went wrong, and then help you to fix it. Training you meant I could watch over you, protect you. I wanted to help you get better; instead I was the one that hurt you. Again'. I turn back to the window, whispering the last word to myself.

Spencer is quiet, and I am half expecting her to have disappeared, but after a few moments I hear her walking slowly towards me. 'Why do you think you hurt me Paige?'

I turn back to face her, trying to get a read on her mood. She sounds curious, like she genuinely doesn't understand why I think I upset her. I wish I could read her, but all I can see is a very intricately constructed wall of defenses, her true feelings locked away in a dungeon somewhere deep inside.

'Well the punch in the face was a bit of a giveaway'. I run my hand across my jaw, the bruise now faded to a pale yellow.

She grimaces at my words, but remains silent. I sigh, thinking she must want me to say it out loud to drive home how much I was in the wrong.

I dip my head and look at the floor, unable to look her in the eye as I mumble the words; the shame I feel flooding my entire body with self hatred again. 'I hurt you because I kissed you back, despite knowing you're in love with Emily'.

'Emily? I'm not i...?' Spencer breaks of the rest of her sentence, and I risk a look at her.

She looks confused, her thoughts turned inwards; and I can see an internal conversation going on in her head. After a few beats her face suddenly clears, and her eyes turn in my direction. I drop my eyes again, not wanting her to catch me gawping at her.

'Paige, you guessed that I was in love with someone from back home; how did you know that person was Emily?' There is something in Spencer's tone that sounds strange, but I can't get a read on what it is.

I can feel her looking at me, scrutinizing me; and it's making me nervous. 'A bunch of stuff I guess'. I stuff my hands in the pockets of my hoodie, feeling more exposed that I was back in the warehouse. 'It had to be someone you trusted implicitly because you had been through too much to trust anyone new, and you and Emily had a friendship so close that at times even I was a little jealous'.

I see her frown at my statement, though she remains silent so I assume it's fine to carry on. 'Whoever caught you eye also had to be the whole package, because you wouldn't be hung up on mere looks alone; they had to be as mentally attractive as they were visually. Emily fits the bill there too. Plus you made that comment about only picking up dark haired girls with shy smiles; once it all clicked together there really was no doubt in my mind. Emily was the only girl in Rosewood that met all necessary the criteria'.

I chance a look at Spencer, and see she is staring at me with surprise in her eyes. 'The only girl in Rosewood...?' She shakes her head slightly, laughing lightly to herself.

Spencer suddenly looks curious again, as if something has just popped into her head. 'That night, before we...before I realized who you were; you were advising me to tell her how I felt. You told me to confess to Emily that I'm in love with her. Why?'

I force myself to make eye contact, wanting Spencer to see how genuine my words are. 'I messed up my chance to be with Emily and she will never love me in the same way again, I know that. It took me a long time to accept; but I have, and I've come to a sort of peace with myself'.

Something flickers in Spencer's eyes, something akin to sorrow; but it is gone too quickly for me to be sure.

'You deserve to be happy Spencer, and if Emily makes you happy then you deserve the chance to be with her. I would _never_ stand in your way of that'.

Spencer takes a few seconds to process my words, that cute little frown creasing her brow. When her eyes focus on mine again they are alight with a strange glow. 'You never fail to surprise me McCullers'.

I can't read her reaction, the look in her eyes too guarded to decipher, but I know I have more 'surprises', and these ones she definitely won't like.

I walk away from the window and into the kitchen without replying. I pull open the top cupboard door, riffling through the contents until I find what I'm looking for. I pull the bottle out and rummage around the other cupboards until I find a couple of clean glasses, pouring a good shot of whiskey into both.

I carry the glasses and the bottle back into the main room, placing a glass next to Spencer as I pass. Spencer raises an eyebrow at the drink, her voice questioning. 'What's this? Paige McCullers, hardened drinker?'

I put the bottle down and take a sip from my drink, feeling the burn in my throat. To avoid Spencer's gaze I stare down into my glass at the amber liquid, and wish I could down it in one. I'm about to rip the top off of half healed wounds, and inflict new ones on Spencer; being half cut might dull the pain a bit.

Instead I put the glass down on the counter next to me and sit on the edge of the bed, the only place left to sit in the whole apartment. I rub my hands over my face, the bandage on my right hand scratching lightly over my skin. 'I have trouble sleeping; my dreams...memories really, are not pleasant. I used to use alcohol to knock me out; passing out drunk meant no dreams, but it also meant I felt like hell the next day too. A while ago I managed to swipe some sleeping medication from the hospital, the stuff I gave to you; because I was pretty sure I was on my way to becoming an alcoholic. The bottle has been gathering dust at the back of the cupboard ever since'.

I pick my glass up and take another sip; the strong liquid warms my empty stomach and reminds me I haven't eaten today. I have to make sure I pace myself, or I really will be inebriated. 'Tonight will be the first time I've ever spoken about what really happened _that_ night out loud, I think a bit of Dutch courage is in order'.

Spencer picks up her glass and sniffs it, pulling a face at the smell. She then places it at her lips, taking a small sip. I watch her throat bob as she swallows the whiskey, my fingers itching to stroke their way down the smooth column of skin. I realize what I'm doing and tear my eyes away before she notices my gaze, feeling ashamed that my body is still reacting to Spencer despite the circumstances, and vow to keep my hormones in check from now on.

Spencer grimaces at the burning sensation, coughing as the fumes make her eyes water. 'You really enjoyed drinking this stuff?' Her voice is slightly strangled, the alcohol tightening her vocal cords.

I shrug and take another sip. 'I didn't drink it because I enjoyed it, I drank it to try and hold onto my sanity'.

Spencer puts the glass on the side and walks towards me, choosing to perch on the window ledge closest to the bed. 'You've really never told anyone about that night? Not even Hanna?'

I shake my head, keeping my eyes firmly off her for as long as possible. 'Hanna was always there for me; she would crawl into my bed and hold me after every screaming nightmare that woke her in the early hours of the morning, but I never told her what they contained, and she never pushed me to talk. What I did...' I take another sip to try and ease my suddenly closed up throat. 'I didn't want her know because...because I didn't want her to look at me the same way Emily did'.

'Paige...' Spencer's voice is soft, my name sounding like a caress as it escapes from her lips. I screw my eyes shut, trying to quell the ripple of desire that just shuddered its way through my body at the sound.

I hear Spencer shifting her position, and when her voice sounds again it is significantly closer to me. 'Paige. Please look at me'.

Against my better judgment I open my eyes, and find she is now crouched down in front of me. This is the closest I've been to Spencer since we kissed, and its making me really nervous. I part my suddenly dry lips and sneak my tongue out to try and moisten them. Spencer's eyes follow the movement, lingering on my lips for a beat before returning to meet my gaze.

'Paige, I know this must be painful for you to talk about; it's painful for me too'. Spencer raises her right hand and cups my chin, her fingers brushing the skin of my jaw with a feather light touch. 'But I want you to know that you did nothing wrong, you have nothing to feel guilty about'.

Her touch, combined with the compassion in her eyes and voice, almost undoes my hard fought for control; the guilt I constantly live with rising up to overwhelming proportions. Spencer's outline becomes hazy as tears pool in my eyes, quickly spilling over to run down my cheeks as my emotions become too much.

I feel choked by my words, the weight of them clogging my throat. 'I have _everything_ to feel guilty about. I didn't lie when I told you I have the blood of innocents on my hands Spencer, I do!'

I shake Spencer's hand off my face, feeling like I shouldn't be allowed her comfort considering what I am about to tell her. I miss her touch immediately, and feel like a hypocrite for doing so. I dash the tears away from my eyes, angry at myself for being so pathetic.

Spencer is looking at me with pure concern, her hand hovering in the air like she wants to place it back on my face. Her voice is gentle, her tone similar to the one you would use to try and calm a wounded animal, which I guess I am. 'Paige, you need to stop being so hard on yourself, it wasn't your fault'.

Her words are like arrows straight at my heart, and I can't hold back the sob that bursts out of my chest. 'It was!' I can't bear the pain, and squeeze my eyes shut as I finally tell her the terrible truth.

'I'm the reason Toby died!'


	12. Chapter 12

**Hey guys, sorry for the time its taken to get this done, but rest assured I have been writing the entire time. I wanted to post the whole thing in one go rather than short parts. It's the biggest chapter so far, and I wanted to get it right. I hope the wait was worth it!**

**The PLL finale now makes it look like I've stolen my idea for A, but I honestly had this idea from the beginning. **

**If there are any inconsistencies with my version of the history compared to the canon version I apologize, I wish I had time to rewatch the whole lot so that I can get it spot on but my granddad died and my wife has been sick so I've been very busy!**

**Please accept my apologies for any spelling mistakes, I have no Beta. These words go from my head to here, and your eyes are the first ones other than my own to see them. **

**Chapter 12**

_**Three years previously**_

_'I'll come back Spencer, I promise'._

_'You'd better McCullers, or I'll personally track you down and beat your ass'. Her voice is serious in my ear, though it holds a note of teasing too. _

_'Always knew you were a top Hastings, a kinky one too by the sounds of it. You finally admitting you want to get your hands on my ass?' I tease her right back, the bond we have now letting me flirt without fear of offending, and I don't want to leave her on a serious note._

_There is silence on the end of the line for a few seconds before Spencer replies, a hint of flirt now in her voice too. 'Who said I wanted your ass McCullers? I could get much better than your skinny behind if I wanted to!'_

_I try to sound offended, but the chuckle in my voice gives things away. 'My behind is not skinny I'll have you know, it is perfectly firm and pert! Four hours of swimming and jogging everyday is guaranteed to leave your posterior perky and perfect; Stanford don't give scholarships to flabby butts Hastings'. _

_Her laugh is throaty and full of humor. 'Ok McCullers I admit it, your ass is top of my perfect butts to spank list; can we focus now?' _

_I grin into the darkness, glad to leave her in a happy mood. 'Ok Hastings, I'll call you back in ten minutes with an update'. _

_Just as I'm about to disconnect the call I hear her last words. 'Ten minutes Paige, not a second more'. _

_I click the end button without replying, switching the headset totally off before pocketing it. A is notoriously clever with technology, the last thing I want to do is give them warning because my bluetooth is emitting a signal. _

_Once it's away I start for the stairs again, descending them as quietly as possible. At the bottom of the stairs I find a long hallway, with several doors set in to either side. The blueprints I managed to get hold of gave me an idea of the layout, but didn't include the wiring specs so I have no idea which one A is using as their main base. _

_The only way I'm going to know is by trying them one by one, and hope I don't trigger any alarms in the process. I pick the first door on my left, pulling the key I used to unlock the basement doors from my pocket once again. Caleb had, without revealing how, managed to acquire a skeleton key for the building, guaranteed to unlock every door in the property. The first test had been the basement doors, and I silently say a little prayer that it hadn't been a fluke. _

_The lock clicks open quietly and I turn the handle slowly, edging the door open an inch. I pocket the key again as I place my eye to the gap, trying to see into the room. My eyes widen at what I see, and without thinking I stride straight into the room, shutting the door behind me. The woman laying on the floor hears the click as it closes, her frame flinching at the noise. _

_I am flabbergasted, my brain struggling to process what I am seeing. A steel cage occupies half the room, the space no more than ten feet square. Within the cage is a thin mattress, barely thicker than a blanket, and is placed straight on to floor. The woman is laying on the mattress, its meager thickness at least some protection from the cold of the bare concrete floor. She is only wearing a thin nightie, her arms and legs exposed to the cool air, and I can see they are covered in bruises. A foul smell permeates the air, and I trace its origin to the stained bucket in the far corner of the cage. _

_I walk quickly over to the cage, bending down next to the woman. I reach through the bars to shake her shoulder, but as soon as she feels my touch she leaps away with a cry. Her eyes are wild with fear and anger, the tangled mess of her hair falling all over her face. _

_I hold my hands up with my palms showing, trying get her to understand I mean her no harm. 'Whoa, whoa, it's only me'. _

_She calms once she realizes who I am, and brushes the hair out of her face. Her eyes lock with mine and I can see she is more confident straight away, but the wariness in them remains. _

_'Oh goodie, the ex girlfriend is here. Is it your turn to torture me too?' Her words are defiant, but I can hear the fear in them too. _

_I frown at her, troubled greatly by her words. 'What? No, of course not! I'm here to help'. _

_Her face is still wary but she stands up and approaches me, though stays beyond arms reach. She crosses her arms across her chest, her eyes holding mine with defiant strength. 'Why should I believe you? You have plenty of reasons to want to see me come to harm; you're probably here to kill me, I bet you'd enjoy it too'._

_The move is so typically her; caged and beaten, yet still has the audacity to antagonize. _

_I shake my head, scoffing at her. 'You've done a lot of things that you need to pay for, there's no denying that. You are a sociopath, and I would happily have a throw down with you over everything you've done to Emily, but this...' I indicate out surroundings. '….this is not my style; I think you know that'. _

_She tilts her head to the side, weighing up my words. 'Is that why you're here, trying to save the little woman?'_

_'Her name is **Emily**...' I receive a raised eyebrow at my tone, the mocking glint in her eye testing my patience. '….and I'm here to put an end to this thing once and for all'. _

_'Oh really?' The mocking in her voice matches the one in her eyes. 'You're going to take down A all on your own are you? Do you even know who A is?' She laughs condescendingly, her eyes scathing. 'The entire police force of Rosewood haven't been able to catch A, what makes you think YOU can?'_

_The urge to leave her here to rot creeps up on me, the knowledge that she deserves it not helping her case. I grit my teeth against the things I want to say to her, knowing that she may still provide some use to me, despite how much I want to slap her right now. 'I found this place didn't I? Rosewood P.D isn't exactly knocking down the door to rescue your crazy ass now is it'. _

_She nods her head in acknowledgment, giving me at least that much respect. 'I'll admit I underestimated you, I never pegged you for one of the smart ones'. _

_'Gee, thanks. Your gratitude to me for saving your life is overwhelming'. I really should of picked the door on my right to look through._

_'Tsk, tsk , tsk. You're a little big for your boots aren't you Paigey'. She walks up to the bars, her eyes alight with devilish amusement. She wraps her hands around the bars my hand is on, her fingers brushing my skin, and I have to fight the urge not to pull it away in revulsion. 'Unless you're hiding a hacksaw in those frilly little panties of yours, you have no way of getting me out of here'. _

_I shoot her a dirty look as I retrieve the skeleton key from my pocket, silently sliding it into the lock on the cage. I turn the key and feel resistance, my heart sinking as I think my run of luck is over. A second later the tumblers inside the lock give and the key spins the rest of the way round, the door sagging out an inch. _

_I pull the door all the way open and step into the gap, a cocky smile spread across my face. I can't help but laugh at the comically surprised look on her face, taking the opportunity to rub it in. 'Well, well, well. Call the papers, it's a great day! Who would of thought that Paige McCullers could render the great Mona Vanderwaal speechless!'_

_'Laugh it up McCullers, laugh it up'. She steps out of the cage, brushing me aside like I'm a footman there to carry her bags. 'Just wait til the games actually begin'. _

_I grab her arm roughly, intending to spin her round to face me so that I can tell her to quit talking in riddles, but as soon as my hand closes round her arm she flinches, her other hand shooting up as if to ward off a blow. All the bravado and front Mona had just been displaying has disappeared, replaced by the cowering girl in front of me. _

_The change is so sudden it stuns me for a moment, but I quickly recover and release her arm. 'Mona, I said I'm not going to hurt you, and I won't'. _

_She lowers the arm she raised in defense, her eyes peeking over the top of it at me. Once she sees that I'm not about to start thumping her she lowers it all the way, though her body remains tense._

_'Sorry about that...' Some of the color is starting to return to her face, but her eyes betray the terror she felt. _

_A thought occurs to me, and I know I have to ask. 'Mona, did A...hurt you?' _

_She scoffs at me. 'Well yeah doofus, do you not see the bruises?' _

_I shake my head, my face tight. 'That's not what I meant. I meant, did he...force you to do things?'_

_I see understanding dawn on her face, her eyes widening at my implication. 'No! I've been beaten black and blue, repeatedly...' She indicates her exposed flesh, '…. but he has done nothing to me that he would need castrating for'._

_I'm relieved at her words, but still troubled by her reaction. __'Mona, exactly how long have you been here?' I had only grabbed her arm, yet she had instinctively tried to protect herself from an attack. Something tells me she's been here a while._

_Mona shrugs her shoulders, her eyes darting round the room. 'I'm not exactly on the paper boys route, I have no idea'. _

_'Do you remember what day it was when you were taken?' _

_'Of course I do, I was caged not lobotomized'. She looks at my face and sees that I'm not amused by her snark, so carries on. 'It was the night I told Emily about Ezra. I was planning on getting out of town, to find a little way station where I could come up with another plan to win Hanna round, when Emily stopped me. A must of followed her because I had gotten as far at the edge of town when a massive SUV appeared behind me and ran me off the road'. _

_She gestures at the cage, her face plain in its hatred of it. 'I woke up in there and haven't left it since'. _

_I frown as I think about it, then gasp as I realize. 'Mona, that was over three weeks ago!' _

_'Felt like longer'. She shrugs again, her nonchalant attitude slipping back into place now she feels more in control. 'So, you going to rescue Toby too?'_

_'Rescue who now?' I'm sure I've misheard, because Spencer told me that after she asked Toby for some space he left to go to London. Toby is safe in England,isn't he?_

_Mona looks at me like I'm an idiot, deliberately slowing her speech as she repeats herself. 'Toby Cavanaugh. Rides a motorbike,used to boff his step sister. Now Spencer Hastings' floppy haired love toy'. _

_'Holy crap, Toby is here?' If I tell Spencer that Toby has been captured she is going to freak and try to bust out of rehab; which I can't afford for her sake. _

_'That what I just said isn't it. Really Paige, you do need to catch on a bit quicker if you're going to have any chance of beating Jason'. _

_'Jason? You mean Jason DiLaurentis Jason?' My eyes widen in shock._

_'Oh, didn't I mention...' She looks smug, happy to have the upper hand once again. '….Jason is A'._

_I feel faint at the thought that Spencer's half brother is the one that has been tormenting her for years, watching from the house next door as she slowly unravels._

_'Jason is A?' Mona nods at me, thankfully remaining quiet as I process everything. _

_'Jason tried to kill Ali, his own sister?' Another nod. 'Why? What's his motive for all of this?' _

_Mona's eyes sparkle, clearly excited to be able to spill the beans. 'You know about the N.A.T club Ian and Garrett were a part of? Secretly filming people?' It's my turn to nod. 'Jason was also a member, he was the ringleader in fact. He spent his nights creeping outsides peoples houses and filmed them getting up to all sorts; rows, secret meetings, and of course illicit dalliances. Jason and his twisted buddies got off on watching the videos, they had hundreds apparently, with quite a few high profile people too'. _

_I frown at this, the details Emily and Spencer had told me not gelling with this new information. 'Jason was stoner back when Ali went missing; he was barely conscious most of the time by all accounts'. _

_'Ah, but that was his trick!' Mona smiles at me, her face alight with excitement. 'He convinced everyone he was this whacked out stoner; an idiot that didn't have the brains to tie his shoes, so that if he ever got caught while sneaking around filming people he could just say he was so stoned he didn't know what he was doing, thus throwing all suspicion off of himself. Everyone wrote him off as a loser, when he was really a genius'. She sounds like she actually respects Jason for what he has done, and I suddenly feel the urge to lock her back in her cage. _

_Mona carries on talking, oblivious to my not so charitable thoughts. 'Ali and Jason were always at logger heads; invading each others privacy, breaking each others things, the usual sibling rivalry stuff. What Ali didn't realise was Jason read her diaries, and learned all the secrets she knew. He found out that Ali knew Spencer's dad was also his dad, and was blackmailing him about it. She wanted money, regularly, or she would tell Spencer's mum everything. Jason was upset because he knew if she spilled the beans and it became a scandal it would wreck his parents marriage; something Ali didn't seem to care about, which royally pissed him off. He started sending Ali threatening texts,signing them A for Anonymous because he thought he was being clever, and got off on watching how freaked out and paranoid Ali became'. _

_From someone who has had first hand experience of her blackmail, I have to admit it was a nice play by Jason. 'So Jason tormented Ali for sport. How did it suddenly escalate to murder?' _

_Mona smirks again, and I feel the urge to put a cage back between us. 'Ali brought it on herself by not heeding his warnings. During her investigations into uncovering A she stole a bunch of video's from Ian's laptop and tried to use them to work out who was sending her the messages. Ali had no way of knowing, but those video's implicated Jason in a very big way. Once Garrett told him that she was using them to threaten people he had no option but to shut her up, fast'. _

_'So Jason thumps his own sister over the head with a shovel and buries her to cover up his dodgy dealings'. I'm suddenly glad to be an only child. 'Wait...if killing Ali solved his problems, why did he then go after the others?'_

_'He didn't, not immediately anyway...'. Mona suddenly looks shifty, and I realize I know why._

_'He didn't go after them until they started looking into Ali's death did he.' My voice gets a hard edge to it, telling rather than asking as the truth becomes crystal clear to me. ' He was happy to leave things as they were, Ali was dead and his secret was safe; but then **YOU** started texting the girls, claiming to be A. Once he knew they were digging into Ali's disappearance he had no choice but to go after them'. _

_'It was their own fault, they stole Hanna from me!' The whine in her voice is bordering on pathetic, and I feel disgusted with her._

_'You caused a murderer to target four innocent women, to harass them to the point where they fear for their lives on a hourly basis; all because Hanna stopped being your best friend?!'_

_The whine in her voice increases, her face earnest in her desperation. 'I didn't stand a chance while Ali was alive, she was always the bond that glued the girls together; but when she disappeared they drifted apart. Aria and her family left for Iceland because her father was trying to hide his affair. Hanna and I became close, transforming ourselves to become the new 'IT' girls, ruling the school side by side...' _

_The look in her eye as she says Hanna's name sends my gaydar into a frenzy and it all clicks; Mona is in love with Hanna. She put them through months of hell because she was jealous Hanna preferred them to her. _

_'...and Emily went to build houses for poor people in Haiti. It was all perfect until Ali's body was found. When I saw them at her funeral they were closer than ever; I knew I had to do something drastic to get Hanna away from them bitches and A seemed like the perfect way'. _

_Before I can stop myself my hand shoots out and lands a slap across Mona's cheek, the sound echoing in the room. Mona gasps and covers her cheek with her hand, her eyes widening in shock. _

_My first instinct is to apologize, I didn't know I was going to slap her until I'd done it, but instead I berate her for her selfishness. 'You fucking selfish brat! You caused this whole situation; you caused people to die, all because you were a love sick puppy. You're sick Mona, it's no wonder Hanna never loved you back'. _

_Mona's face starts turning as red as her cheek, and tears swim in her eyes as she realizes I know her secret. Her hand flies at me, intending to return my slap; but my martial arts training has honed my reflexes to the point where I am able to catch her wrist before her hand can make contact with my face. _

_I hold onto her wrist for a few moments, applying just enough pressure for her to know not to try it again. 'Now that we have everything out of our systems, how about we focus on the task at hand'._

_I release Mona's wrist and she lets it fall limply back to her side, the anger in her tempered with the knowledge that I am not the pushover she thought I was.'So what's the plan?'_

_The plan had been to get in unseen, find proof of who A is, and get out. However, that had been before I knew there were hostages. 'The plan's changed. Now we rescue Toby'. _

_'That might prove to be difficult'. _

_I'm getting mighty sick of her riddles. 'Stop playing games Mona, spit it out'._

_She huffs at me, but doesn't argue. 'Well the last time I saw Toby, he had just received quite the beating. He looked half dead to be honest'. _

_'I thought you never left your cage. How did you see him?' Skepticism fills my voice._

_Mona rolls her eyes at my tone, clearly understanding I think shes lying. 'Jason wanted to put him in the cage with me. He thought it would be funny if I had to listen to him crying because of the pain'. _

_Shit, that is NOT good news. 'When did you last see him?'_

_She throws her arms up in agitation. 'Again with the no clocks in the cage'. _

_'Ballpark it for me now you know how long you've been here'._

_'Two, three days. Maybe more'._

_My mind is racing, trying to come up with a new plan that will work. Toby must be in one of the other rooms, but if he is badly injured and unable to support his own weight then he will be difficult to move, even with Mona's help. I can't leave him here though, there is no way I can go back and face Spencer if I have to tell her I left Toby in the clutches of A. I look at my watch, four minutes until I need to call Spencer back. She will know I'm lying about something if I call her now, she can always tell with me. I decide to wait until I've assessed the situation with Toby and call her after, we may need the emergency services if Mona and I can't move him on our own._

_'Ok, this is the plan.' I face Mona, my words now deadly serious. 'We find Toby and get him the hell out of here. If we run across Jason then I'll deal with him, your sole focus is helping Toby escape. Understood?'_

_Mona goes to speak but I cut her off before she can utter a word. '**Understood**?'_

_Mona eyes me for a moment, but then mutely nods. _

_'Good. Lets go'. _

_I lead the way to the door, opening it a fraction and checking the hallway is clear before exiting the room. Mona follows silently behind me, and I have to admit I feel uneasy having her at my back. I have no choice, but the feeling that I'm going to have a knife wedged between my shoulder blades at any moment remains in my mind._

_I lock the door after we exit, and move on to the next one. This one reveals a room stuffed with a random assortment of items; mannequins, tennis racquets, wheelchairs and a host of other stuff are strewn about the room, but there is no one in it so I move on. _

_We hit pay dirt in the next room, the click of the lock releasing lost amongst the cacophony of screams that reach us once the door is opened. I freeze for a second, the vision in front of me so surreal it takes a minute for my brain to comprehend. _

_Toby is suspended from the ceiling by his arms, the handcuffs on his wrists looped over a huge hook. I can see his feet don't quite touch the floor; his whole body weight is bearing down onto the cuffs, forcing them into his flesh. He is stripped down to his boxers; his lean body covered in massive bruises and wounds, his face a bloody misshapen mess. His mouth is wide open, screams of pain bellowing past his swollen lips. _

_In front of Toby, his back turned towards me, is Jason. He is wearing jeans and a short sleeved T shirt, his pits stained with sweat. He is so focused on using the metal bar in his hands to beat Toby with that he doesn't notice my approach until my fist lands against the side of his ribs. He staggers under the hard blow, and almost drops the bar. He recovers fast, spinning to face me with the bar raised. His eyes widen at the sight of Mona and I, shock registering on his face._

_'What the fuck are you doing here?!' He yelps._

_I regard him coolly, trying to keep a nonchalant air about me. 'I'm a singing telegram'. I say sarcastically. 'What the **fuck** do you think I'm doing here, asswipe.' _

_His eyes flick to Mona, though keep the bar brandished at me. 'How the fuck did you get out of your cage?' _

_'You didn't feed me enough. I got so thin I fit through the bars'. Her voice is so dry I see uncertainty cross his eyes, like he actually believes she fit through the four inch gap._

_He wavers for a few moments more, then something in his eyes changes. I see them darken, like a veil being drawn over the last bit of light, and his voice takes on a hard edge. He pulls a knife from the waistband of his trousers, a serrated blade that looks wickedly sharp. 'You shouldn't of come looking for trouble girl, you should of stayed tucked up in bed all safe and sound. I can't let you leave here now, not alive anyways'. _

_His words make me think of Lyndon, and the threats he had spewed at me while I was kidnapped. I had been terrified; out of my mind scared, thinking he was going to kill me. I had seen the knife and frozen, not able to defend myself, or Emily. But I'm not that Paige anymore, and Jason is about to find that out. The hard way._

_Without replying to his threat I pivot, spinning my leg round to kick the knife out of his hand. It clatters to the floor several yards away, his face almost comical in it shock at my sudden move. _

_'I'm sorry. You were saying something?' A cocky grin is plastered on my face, my confidence at unarming him so swiftly making me swagger. _

_Jason suddenly lunges at me, his hand raising the bar. I sidestep him, using his own momentum against him and tip him onto the floor. The bar bounces out of his hand and I kick it out of his reach. Jason scrabbles about for a few seconds, the shock of suddenly being on his ass disorientating him before he leaps back to his feet and lunges at me again, swinging his arms wildly. _

_I wait until the last second before landing my blow, dipping under his arms, my fist aimed directly at his solar plexus. My punch is hard, sending off shock waves in the bundle of nerves I just hit. He staggers back clutching his chest, and I move with him, not giving him time to recover. I aim a blow at his face and break his nose, blood immediately streaming from it. He covers his nose with his hands, his chest forgotten in favor of his new injury and I take the opportunity to bring my knee up, hitting him squarely between the legs. Jason squeals like a stuck pig and drops to his knees, cupping his groin. One more knee, this time to the underside of his jaw, and Jason crumples to the floor, whimpering like an infant._

_I grin in triumph and turn to face Mona, intending to gloat. Instead I have the smile wiped from my face, the blood in my veins freezing at the sight before me. _

_I was expecting to see Mona freeing Toby; instead she is standing frozen with fear, a gun pressed against her temple. I stay perfectly still, not wanting to provoke a reaction. My eyes are the only thing to move, flicking between the gun and the person holding it. His face is chilling, the look in his eye the same as the one I saw in Lyndon's eyes that night at the cabin. They are alight with hatred; a crazy glow burning bright. I thought I was going to have a hard time telling Spencer that Jason was A; but this new development makes that seem like a breeze in comparison. _

_I look him straight in the eye, not flinching against the laser beam of rage aimed at me. 'You really don't want to be doing that Mr. Hastings'. _

_Spencer's father looks at me with derision, like conversing with me is beneath him. 'I really think I do'. _

_He turns the gun so fast I don't have time to react, the gunshot thundering in the closed space. I feel a white hot pain explode in my left shoulder, and the pressure of the impact throws me off my feet. I hit the ground hard, my teeth snapping together with a click as the unforgiving ground receives my body. The shock only dazes me for a second, but then the pain rushes in to fill it's place. My shoulder feels like it's on fire; like red hot pokers have been driven deep into my flesh and are sending out tendrils of pure agony along my nerve endings. _

_I almost shatter my teeth with the effort of biting back my scream, not wanting to give him the pleasure of seeing me lose control; and I manage to temper it into a drawn out, expletive filled groan instead. _

_I roll onto my uninjured side carefully, pushing myself into a sitting position with my good arm. I gently cover the wound with my hand, my palm instantly slick with blood. I look up at Mr. Hastings, I guess I can call him Peter since we're on such intimate terms now, and see him smirking at me. _

_'If you were aiming at my head, then you're a lousy shot'. That's right McCullers, prod the guy with the gun, get yourself shot again. _

_He laughs at me, the loud noise right next to her ear making Mona jump. 'I gotta say, you're a tough bunch, you girls. If it wasn't me you were going after, I'd probably be impressed with your tenacity'. His face suddenly grows cold again, his eyes turning to ice. 'But seeing as it is me you're going after...' _

_He shoves Mona away from him, the sudden force causing her to stumble and fall onto her hands and knees. '…...you're all just an irritation'. _

_He raises the gun as he says the last part, the barrel aimed at Mona. I see the flash as the gun discharges, the boom sounding a fraction after. I hear the impact; the sickening thud as the bullet penetrates Mona's back, and I turn my head in time to see her go limp, her body sprawling on the floor. It takes less than two seconds, but every frame gets burned into my brain, never to be forgotten. _

_As the roar of the gun dissipates from the room I spin back to look at Mr. Hastings, my body automatically trying to rise off the ground; fueled by the the need to hurt him, badly. To make him pay. _

_I stop when I find the gun in his hand is now pointed at me, a challenging look in his eye. I think this is it, this is the moment I'm going to die; and instead of my last thoughts being of Emily, all I can think is 'Shit, Spencer is going to be pissed I never called her back'. _

_My whole body tenses, my eyes locked on the gun, waiting to see the flash that would take my life; but it doesn't happen. I tentatively shift my gaze, my eyes looking further up the barrel, and see a smile. _

_He is regarding me with open curiosity, his face holding begrudging respect. 'You risked your life to come here, to rescue two people you hardly know. In fact I'm pretty sure you disliked Mona quite intensely, yet you look like you are ready to beat me to death with your bare hands. Why?'_

_I hold my tongue, though it is difficult with the thoughts running through my mind. _

_Mr. Hastings looks amused, as if he knows what is going on in my head. 'You can talk freely, I won't take offense'._

_I am not willing to take that risk so temper my words, though leave some bite in them. 'I have an aversion to murderers, even when they're rich middle aged men who rub shoulders with my father at the country club'. I shrug my shoulders despite the fresh waves of pain it causes, schooling my face into a mask of contempt. If I'm going to die, I won't give him the pleasure of knowing I'm afraid. 'Must be a character flaw'. _

_He laughs at me again, his face alight with amusement. 'You're a brave one, I've give you that. If I had been working with you instead of this incompetent fool...' He walks over to the crumpled form of Jason and gives him a not so gentle kick in the ribs. '…...maybe all this could of be resolved without anyone getting harmed'. _

_Jason groans at the contact, rolling reluctantly onto his back and then into a sitting position. His nose is bleeding less, but his face is now swollen and bruised. _

_'You made quite the mess of my son here'. He sounds amused, like he doesn't mind the fact that I've kicked the shit out of Jason. _

_'He's done enough damage of his own, a little payback is only fair'. I eye Mr. Hastings coolly, staying down on the floor to avoid the gun being pointed at me again. _

_Mr. Hastings nods in agreement. 'He certainly has made a mess of things. Of course, if she...' He indicates the lifeless form of Mona. '…...didn't stir things up by pretending to be A then Jason wouldn't have needed to get involved again. I only got involved when things started pointing towards the Hastings, I couldn't have the police digging too deeply into my business dealings'._

_'Because **you've** been using Jason's videos to blackmail people under the guise of Scott Inc'. I take a stab in the dark, seeing if my hunch is correct._

_'Clever girl'. His face clouds over, and I instantly know it's not a good thing._

_Jason gingerly gets to his feet, wincing and groaning the whole time. He staggers over to the fallen knife and picks it up, letting out a cry of pain as his ribs protest. _

_He turns to face me, his eyes blazing. 'You!' He storms towards me, the knife held out. 'I'm gunna slit your throat right now, you little bitch'. _

_I leap to my feet in a defensive pose, ignoring the pain in my shoulder the best I can. 'Try it pretty boy! I don't need two arms to put you down, and this time you won't be getting back up!'_

_He hesitates at the venom in my voice, his eyes betraying his fear of taking me on again. Pure rage lights his face, the urge to hurt me for showing him up burning brightly. 'You might be able to defend yourself...' _

_He stalks away from me, and before I or Mr. Hastings can understand his intentions he has plunged the knife up to the hilt in Toby's gut.'...but he can't'._

_Toby throws his head back and screams, his eyes bulging out of his head at the excruciating pain. _

_'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' I am transfixed by the horror, Toby's screams ringing in my ears. _

_'JASON! WHAT THE BLUE BLAZES ARE YOU DOING?' Mr. Hastings stalks over to Jason and cuffs him hard around the head with the butt of the gun, his face like thunder. 'He still hadn't told us where the disk is you idiot! How are we meant to find it now?!' _

_Jason seems to realize what he's done, because he turns into a gibbering wreck, blubbering his excuses to his father. They start arguing, and I spot my chance, knowing this might be my only chance to get out of this alive. As quietly as possible I grab the metal pole from the ground, feeling sick at what I am about to do, despite knowing I have no choice. I charge at the pair, hefting the bar with both hands as adrenaline floods my system, blocking the pain in my shoulder. Just as I reach them Mr. Hastings seems to realize they haven't been keeping an eye on me because he turns to look at me, in time to receive the bar across the face._

_There is a sickening crunch as the bar connects and his body goes limp, the gun dropping from his nerveless fingers. I grit my teeth as the urge to vomit at what I've just done rises, pushing it down as I know I am not safe yet. I spin towards Jason, intending to bring the bar around, but he is too quick for me. _

_Jason manages to land a punch to my injured shoulder, sending fresh waves of white hot pain radiating through my torso. I let out a yell of shock as my fingers go numb, the bar falling from my grip without my consent. Jason sees his chance and lunges at me, his hands wrapping around my neck like a vice and begins to squeeze. My oxygen is immediately cut off, his powerful hands closing my windpipe as effectively as a tap. I scratch desperately at Jason's hands, trying in vain to loosen his grip but my eyes bug out as I feel myself getting weak, and Jason looks triumphant. _

_Just as I am on the point of passing out I feel myself moving; Jason has thrown me across the room and I collide with the floor in an almighty heap. I roll onto my side and curl up into the fetal position, my body screaming as pain careens through every fiber of my body and I feel as weak as a kitten. I hear Jason start to walk over to me, and a part of me want to close my eyes and wait for it to be over, for him to make the pain stop; but then I picture Emily. _

_I remember the night I turned up at her house and found her in tears; she had been watching the videos the girls had found, Maya's private diaries. Emily had been devastated; Maya's death crushed her and very nearly caused her to lose her way completely, the guilt eating away at her soul. Even though we're not in the best place right now, I know that if Emily finds out that I came here for her, she will live with the guilt for the rest of her life; and it will end up destroying her. _

_It is that image; the image of Emily's life being ruined because of me, that forces me to move despite the pain. I concentrate on the image of Emily, making her the sole center of my thoughts and push the pain away, forcing myself to my knees. I see Jason out of the corner of my eye, no more than a couple of paces away. He has ripped the knife out of Toby, ignoring the gun in favor of finishing me off in the most painful way possible. _

_I look past Jason at Toby and see he has blood pouring out of his side, his face incredibly pale. The sight steels my resolve, and I drag myself to my feet, thought find myself swaying slightly. Jason has a smirk on his face and a swagger in his walk; he clearly thinks he's already won. I let him approach, staying still as I focus on channeling all of my energy into this make or break moment. _

_Jason stops in front of me, the dried blood from his nosebleed forming a mask of crimson across his face. He grins at me as he raises the knife, his teeth startlingly white amongst some much red. 'Say goodnight bitch'. _

_Just before he can bring the knife down I make my move. I twist under his arm, my hand reaching up as I go and clamping around his wrist. I use every ounce of strength left in me to pull on it, feeling as the knife slams into the middle of his chest. Jason makes a strangled noise, his voice losing power as the life begins to disappear from his body. I let go of his wrist and let his body fall to the floor at my feet, the knife forced deeper as the weight of his body lands on top of it. I take a moment to look at him before uttering my reply, my voice steady despite the rest of me feeling like I'm going to collapse. 'Goodnight. Bitch'. _

_I walk away from Jason's body, hurrying over to Toby. I manage to free the cuffs from the hook and lower him to the floor gently, cradling his head on my lap. He is barely conscious, the pool of liquid around him indicating massive blood loss. 'Toby?' I stroke his face and feel how clammy it is, his pulse barely moving. 'Toby, hold on. Please, for Spencer'._

_At the sound of Spencer's name I see Toby's eyelids flutter, his eyes cracking open an inch. 'Toby? Toby, can you hear me?' _

_He takes several seconds to focus on me, his eyes bloodshot and dazed. 'Pai...Paige?'_

_'It's me Toby, I'm here'. I stroke his face, trying to avoid the bruises littering it. 'Stay with me Toby, stay strong for Spencer'._

_His voice is barely audible, and I have to strain to hear his words. 'Tell...tell Spencer I'm sorry. Tell her I love her'._

_I don't realize I'm crying until I feel a tear drop onto my hand, and I swipe my hand across my face, feeling them pouring down my cheeks. 'You can tell her yourself Toby, just stay with me!'_

_'It's too late for me Paige, you know that'. He closes his eyes again and I can tell he is fading, fast. _

_'No! Toby, please'. _

_He take two more shuddery breaths, and then he takes no more. _

**Present Day**

The room is silent.

I have been staring at the floor almost the entire time I've been talking, unable to look at the devastation on Spencer's face. A pool of tears litter the floor between my feet, my cheeks awash with my guilt.

'That's the reason I left Rosewood without seeing you'. My throat is raw, my emotions drained from baring my soul. 'I'm responsible for the death of three people in your life; and I just couldn't face you. I felt...feel, so ashamed'.

I hear Spencer move, her feet quiet as she walks across the floor. I close my eyes, expecting her to either attack me or leave, probably both.

Instead she kneels down in front of me, and I feel her hand cup my wet cheek. 'Paige'.

I look up in surprise, the warmth in her voice something I never thought I would ever hear again.

Spencer is smiling softly at me, though her face betrays the evidence of her own tears. The sight breaks my heart anew, and I can help exclaiming, 'I'm so sorry Spencer, I couldn't save him. It's all my fault, he died because of me!'

My rambling is halted by Spencer's lips on mine, the gentle pressure enough to shock me into silence.


	13. Chapter 13

**It has been brought to my attention that the way the last chapter was written made it seem like I was implying Mona was raped by Jason. I would like to say that this was NOT my intention; that was the furthest thing from my mind when I wrote it and I am truly dismayed that this was the way it came across. Please accept my most heartfelt apologies if I have caused anyone any distress over this, and know that I have rewritten the section in the last chapter to make it clear that Mona received the same treatment as Toby, nothing more. **

**I thank Rooonie for pointing this out to me, and will always welcome honest feedback in the future so that I can correct anything people may find offensive. **

**On a lighter note; the number 13 may be unlucky for some but for this story is means SMUT! If you are offended by ladies loving ladies, then you are reading the wrong story! My story is M for Mature, and this is why!**

**Chapter 13**

Spencer is kissing me.

I'm stunned, feeling like a deer caught in headlights. I had dreaded telling Spencer the truth for years, convinced that she would never want to speak to me ever again; yet my fears that she is going to hate me after what I just revealed are being chased away by the softness of her lips as they caress mine.

I can't help but get lost in the kiss; which is so different to our first. That kiss had been hard; a forceful, almost punishing kiss that had been full of aggression and passion, a kiss of desperation. This kiss is completely the opposite; a gentle, languid kiss that is slow and sensual, a kiss of promise. I'm not aware that my eyes have drifted closed until I feel her pull away, my lids springing open to see if she is going to flee this time too.

Spencer isn't fleeing, in fact she is hardly moving at all. She is simply breathing hard as she looks at me with her beautiful brown eyes, and I feel myself getting lost in them. All of her barriers, the defenses Spencer has worn the entire time we've been training, are gone. In their place is compassion, and trust. I search her face for the disgust that must surely be there somewhere, a reflection of what I feel when I look in the mirror; but it simply isn't there. I don't understand; the alcohol I consumed throughout my confession, combined with the unexpected kiss have managed to scramble my brain to the point where nothing makes sense.

'Spencer I...Toby, it's my fault he...' I try explain better, to get her to understand it was my fault; but I'm halted as my lips are covered once again. Spencer has moved her thumb from where it was caressing the side of my face to cover my lips, the soft pad pressed gently against them.

'Oh, McCullers. What am I going to do with you huh?' She almost whispers the words, a smile tugging at the edges of her mouth.

I frown in answer, confusion wrinkling my forehead.

Spencer strokes her thumb over my lips, the digit sending tingles shooting through my entire body. 'You ran because you thought I would hate you if you told me the truth'.

I nod once, confirming her words.

'Oh Paige, you big dummy. How could I hate you?' There is a chuckle in her voice that stands in contrast to the tears in her eyes.

'But, I...' I try to speak round her thumb, but she presses it tighter against my lips to still them.

'Hush now, it's my turn to talk'. She waits until I've nodded before remove her thumb, taking her whole hand away from my face at the same time.

I miss it immediately, my skin aching for the warmth it provided. She lowers her hand and covers my clenched ones, her other hand joining it to wrap my cold hands in her warmth. I look down at my lap and watch her elegant fingers stroking lightly over my white knuckles, avoiding the bandage on my right and trying to get them to relax. As soon as I unclench my fists I feel her fingers steal inside, joining our hands together in a way that feels far too intimate for simply holding hands. I return my gaze to her beautiful face, the feeling of her hands in mine giving me the strength to meet her eyes.

'I don't hate you Paige, I simply couldn't'. Her words are genuine, I can see it in her eyes, but I still don't understand why she isn't kicking my head in.

'I...' I have to clear my throat before continuing, feeling it try to close up on me. 'You _should_ hate me, I provoked Jason and he killed Toby in revenge. If I had left without them realizing I was there Toby might still be alive, his death IS my fault'. I can't look at her anymore so look down at the ground, tears flowing freely from my eyes. 'I lied and told the police that Mona and Toby were already dead when I got there because I couldn't stand everyone knowing it was my fault, that I let them die'.

'See, this is why you're a dummy...'. Spencer squeezes my hands softly, her thumbs stroking my skin in rhythmic circles. 'My father shot you, and my brother tried to murder you; yet you still think you let me down'.

'But Toby...!'

Spencer shakes her head at my words and slides her right hand up my left arm to my shoulder, her fingers resting on the patch of material covering the scar beneath.'You didn't let him die Paige, you almost got killed trying to save him. You were incredibly brave that night, and I'm glad Toby had you by his side at the end; it makes me feel better knowing that he wasn't alone with them'.

Her words loosen the tight knot in my chest, easing some of the pain I've been carrying around for so many years. I'm not sure whether it will ever go completely, but knowing Spencer doesn't hate me is an enormous weight off my shoulders. 'I'm sorry I couldn't bring him back to you'.

Spencer cups my chin, gently making me raise my head to look at her. 'No more apologizing ok'.

I try to look away, but she holds me firm until I capitulate. 'Ok, sorry'.

Spencer bursts out laughing at my faux pas, and slides her hand up to my face to caress my cheek. 'Oh, McCullers, you are too damn cute!'

Heat blooms across every inch of skin her hand covers, and my body thrums to life again at the sound of her laughter.

All of my senses seem to magnify in strength, focused intently on the woman in front of me. She is still kneeling down, her face so tantalizingly close to mine that I swear I can smell her shampoo again. I look at her lips; the memory of them against mine just a few minutes ago so vivid in my mind that I want to lean forward and taste them again. I tear my gaze away from her lips and look at Spencer's eyes, finding her gazing straight back at me, the heat in them almost scorching me with their intensity.

I run my hand up her arm, sliding it along until it is covering the one she has on my cheek; her skin unbelievably soft under my fingers. My eyes flutter closed as I feel desire spike through me, my body crying out, desperate for more of Spencer's touch. I open my eyes and look at her, knowing all my defenses are gone; smashed to pieces in the wake of my confession. 'Spencer...I need...'

My voice is raw, the longing evident in my words, and I don't have to finish before Spencer is surging forward, her lips claiming mine once again.

This kiss is different again; less gentle than the last, but with more caring than the first. I am also no longer a mere spectator, this time I am an equal participant, and eagerly respond to the kiss. My hand moves from its place covering Spencer's hand; sliding along her arm until it reaches her face, my fingers tangling in her hair as I cup the nape of her neck and pull her closer.

Our lips duel and parry in a rhythmic dance that is equal give and take, both eager to taste and be tasted. I feel Spencer's tongue on my lips and a surge of electricity shoot straight through me, burning its way through my veins. My right hand automatically joins its counterpart in Spencer's hair, angling my head to deepen the kiss.

Spencer responds to my move by grabbing a handful of the material at my waist, using it as leverage to pull her body closer. I part my legs so that she can fit between them, feeling Spencer's hands slip down my waist to caress my thighs in gratitude. We continue kissing until we are forced to part for air, breaking our connection reluctantly. We are both panting for breath, our chests heaving as our lungs trying to replenish their depleted supplies.

Spencer is gazing straight at me, our eyes locked together in a silent understanding of where this is heading. There is pure passion radiating from Spencer; her eyes are alight with raw hunger, and I feel dizzy with the knowledge that it is aimed at me, but I need to make sure this is what she really wants; that she isn't doing this out of some kind of misplaced sympathy.

'This doesn't have to happen if you don't want it to. We can stop right now if you want'. My voice is quiet, the tone soft as I tell her I'm ok with stopping, even though my body is already addicted to her.

Spencer sits back on her heels and regards me for a moment, and I think she _has_ changed her mind; but before I can move she crosses her arms over her waist and pulls her top straight off, dropping it to the floor beside her.

I feel my jaw hit the floor as I stare at the now exposed, and flawless torso, of Spencer Hastings. She is wearing a simple plain black bra; the color serves as a contrast against her pale skin and highlights its creamy texture, making my fingers twitch with the need to stroke it.

Spencer chuckles at my reaction, her face alight with amusement. 'You really want to stop?'

I shake my head slowly from side to side, my eyes trying to memorize every inch of her perfect body while I can. 'I...You...We...'

I stop to take a breath, having to consciously tear my eyes away from her body before I start drooling. I find her eyes and instantly get lost, the trust in them shining clearly at me. 'You make me feel, Spencer. You make me feel things I never thought I would feel again'.

'What things?' Always inquisitive.

'Hope. Happiness'. I swallow the lump in my throat, feeling so happy right now. 'You make me feel alive Spencer, like I might actually be able to look forward to life again'.

Spencer smiles sweetly at me, the shine of tears in her eyes.

'You almost make me feel hornier than I have in a LONG time'. I mumble the words, but I know she hears them because her tears are quickly replaced by a devilish glint in her eye.

She leans towards me, running her hands slowly up my thighs until she can slide her fingers through the loops in my pants, pulling herself flush against me again. She brings her lips as close to mine as possible without actually touching them, her breath ghosting across my skin as she whispers, 'Well...we better see what we can do to remedy that'.

As soon as the words leave her lips she surges against me, her mouth claiming mine as she rises over me, the momentum causing me to lean back until my I'm flat against the mattress. My hands instinctively reach for Spencer's waist as she straddles me, her knees resting snugly by my hips. Spencer's hands are propping her body up, her hair falling in wild abandon as our kiss explodes into white hot passion.

My hands slip up from her waist, meeting soft flesh for the first time and Spencer breaks the kiss for a second, gasping in pleasure as I run my hands up and down her sides. Her reaction spurs me on and my fingers become bolder; the tentative touches turning to confident strokes.

When breathing becomes a problem again Spencer leans back and sits down on the tops of my thighs; her hair is disheveled from my hands, and her chest is heaving with oxygen deprivation. I feel like my brain is in meltdown at the sight, my senses overwhelmed by the magnificent beauty atop me. Spencer's hands drop to my waist, her fingers lightly gripping the bottom of my hoodie. Her eyes meet mine, and I can see she is asking for my permission.

I silently sit up and raise my hands in the air to answer her question, my eyes never leaving hers. She pulls my hoodie over my head quickly and throws it off the side of the bed, her hands resting on my shoulders once they are empty. I can feel her eyes on my body, taking in every flaw and scar. I should feel embarrassed; my body is marked and damaged from countless battles, yet she doesn't seem disgusted by them, and I have no urge to cover them from her gaze.

I feel Spencer's thumb massage my shoulder, the pad seeming to seek out the little raised nub of healed tissue to gently stroke over. A pensive look comes over her face, and I can almost hear her mind whirring with somber thoughts. I take her hand in mine and bring it my lips, kissing her palm gently before placing it against my heart.

'This...' I press her hand against my chest so that she can feel the increased thump of my heartbeat. 'This is me, right now. Because of you'.

She looks at her hand, my heart drumming a tattoo against her palm and I see the smile return to her face. 'It feels amazing'.

'_You_ make me feel amazing'. I pull her in and kiss her softly, wanting to make her feel as good as I do right now. My lips trace hers gently before my tongue sweeps across her bottom lip, her intoxicating taste invading my senses. Her lips part beneath my touch, and my tongue takes the opportunity to explore further. Spencer lets out a moan of pure pleasure when she feels my tongue, and it sends a bolt of heat straight through me.

I lean back slowly and bring Spencer with me, spinning us over as soon as I feel the bed beneath my back so that I am now the one on top. I prop myself up on my elbows to make sure I'm not squashing Spencer with my full weight, which leaves my hands free to caress her face. My body is screaming with need, wanting me to hurry up (its been a LONG time since I've been intimate with anyone), but I force myself to go slow; if this is my only chance to be with Spencer then I want to make sure she enjoys every second of it.

I drag my lips away from her mouth, hearing her groan of frustration when I do. I make sure they don't go far, turning them to whisper in her ear. 'Your lips are amazing, but I'm eager to find out if the rest of you tastes just as good. I'm going to kiss, lick, taste and discover every inch of your gorgeous body; even if it takes me ALL night'.

I run my tongue up the shell of her ear to emphasis my point and receive a drawn out moan of pleasure in return, her voice needy and guttural as she begs, 'Paige...please...!'

A grin spreads across my lips at the sound and I nip at her earlobe before placing a gentle kiss on it. 'I love the way you moan my name Spencer, I look forward to making you moan it a lot tonight'.

I cover her lips again, kissing her deeply to reinforce my words. Before she has time to respond I have moved on, kissing my way across her cheek to her neck. I remember how much I had wanted to touch the delicate column, never imagining I would actually have the chance. I place gentle kisses against her skin and find it tastes just as amazing as her lips, the taste urging me on in my quest to discover every inch of this delectable woman. I stumble across a spot that makes Spencer let out a loud moan and focus my attention on it, the noises from Spencer music to my ears. Spencer's hands come up to tangle in my hair, the elastic band quickly discarded as her elegant fingers grip my tresses to keep my head in place.

I lean away to take a breath and realize that I have marked the skin, the redness a clear indication of a hickey in the making. The thought makes me flush, and my brain tells me to make more; to show the world that Spencer Hastings is mine, even if it is only just for tonight. Spencer didn't seem to mind my attention, in fact her hands are urging me back to the spot, so I decide to let things happen as they will. I return to the spot, lavishing it with attention for a few more minutes before I continue moving southwards.

Spencer's collarbone is thoroughly marked by the time I move on, having found another spot that made her squirm, and I open a mental notepad so that I can itemize the special areas for future attention. I return to Spencer's lips, my addiction demanding I don't stray from them for too long at a time, but am stopped just shy of them by the hands in my hair. They hold my head still three inches away from my destination, and my eyes lock with Spencer's in concern.

I'm relieved to find they are still alight with passion, and her face is registering nothing of concern. I stroke her face gently, my words soft. 'Are you ok? Do you want me to stop?'

Spencer shakes her head vigorously, her voice bursting from her emphatically. 'If you stop now, I will kick your ass McCullers!'

I laugh at her, the noise sounding strange to my ears from lack of use. 'Good to know Hastings! You always were great with the motivational speeches by the way. So why _did_ you stop me?'

She blushes beneath me, a red flush creeping up her her neck to stain her cheeks. She speaks quietly, running the tips of her fingers over my face as she speaks. 'I just wanted to look at you. You're so beautiful Paige'.

It is my turn to blush and I turn my head to look away, but Spencer's hand on my face stops me, her fingers gentle yet firm. 'Look at me Paige'.

I obey her soft command, my eyes slowly returning to hers.

Spencer looks at me, and I feel like she is looking into my very soul. The urge to look away is almost overwhelming, but I fight against it as much as I can. Spencer's hand caresses my face, her fingers tracing over my eyebrows and cheeks, stroking my skin with such tenderness. 'You are so very beautiful Paige; every time I look at you it astounds me just how gorgeous you really are. You have a pure soul, and it radiates through you'.

I have felt so bad about myself for so long, hating myself for what I did to her; yet hearing Spencer say I have a pure soul is like being cleansed of my sins. I bring my lips down to meet hers and feel no resistance this time, Spencer actively leaning forward to reach my lips. I pour everything I can't say into the kiss, all my emotions coming out.

Spencer responds eagerly, her hands gripping my arms to pull me closer. I slip my right leg between hers and press it up until I feel her against me, a gasp of pleasure rewarding the move. I arch to the side slightly, leaning most my weight on my left leg and arm, freeing up my right side to roam. I move my knee up and down slowly, creating a gentle pressure against Spencer's core, while I let my right hand explore her exposed torso.

I start at Spencer's collarbone, my fingers tracing the defined shape before dropping down to roam the expanse of skin above her bra. Her skin is so soft beneath my fingers that I know I need to feel it beneath my lips too. I pull away from the kiss and Spencer arches up to try and prolong the contact.

I press her gently back into the mattress using the hand on her chest, giving her one last soft kiss before speaking. 'I seem to remember I promised to taste every inch of you, but got interrupted'. Spencer's eyes are so dilated that they are almost black, lust shining brightly in them.

I lean in close, my lips just brushing hers as I speak. 'I intend to finish what I started'.

Spencer closes her eyes and groans as I graze my lips down her throat, nipping at the sweet spots I had found on the way. I kiss over her chest, deliberately ignoring the material clad areas for now. I trail my lips down her delectable stomach, leaving little kisses all over her defined abs. Spencer's body is in perfect shape; her strong muscles covered in beautifully soft skin, a warrior queen for the modern age.

I kiss down further and swirl my tongue around her belly button, causing Spencer to writhe with pleasure. My hands and lips reach the waistband of her pants at the same time, and hover over the button. Spencer's hands tangle in my hair, and she groans my name in desperation as her hands urge me on. It is music to my ears, and my signal that I am allowed to proceed.

I pop open the button and draw the zip down, my lips caressing every inch of new skin revealed. I gently pull on her pants, feeling Spencer arch her hips off the bed to aid in their removal. I slip them down her legs, removing her shoes and socks at the same time, and drop them off the bed, my eyes busy taking in the spectacle of Spencer in just her underwear.

I feel like I'm dreaming, the vision before me too beautiful to be real. Spencer's hair is in wild disarray, the disheveled locks framing her face wonderfully. Her face is a picture of lust, her eyes gazing at me with unconcealed want and need. Spencer's legs seem to go on forever, and I feel dizzy with the need to discover them.

I slip my hand under her right calf, lifting her leg up so that I can kiss the delicate curve of her ankle. I slide my lips up, making sure to capture every inch on my way north. The further I move upwards the more reaction I receive from Spencer, the sounds coming from her mouth letting me know she is thoroughly enjoying my ministrations.

I reach Spencer's inner thigh, the creamy expanse of skin makes my mouth water. I trail my fingers lightly over her skin, seeing goosebumps break out in their wake and chase them away with my lips. I can't help nipping the skin gently, hearing Spencer gasp in shocked delight when I do. I reach the thin material between her thighs and kiss along its edge, my lips tracing the crease when her leg joins her hip. Spencer lets out a moan of frustration and arches her hips off the bed, trying to angle them in the direction of my mouth. I chuckle at her display of need and press her hips back down, murmuring into her skin. 'Patience my love, patience'.

I shuffle down the bed and focus on her left leg, making sure I lavish the same amount of attention on it as I did it's counterpart. By the time I reach the apex of her thighs Spencer's legs are quivering with need, the frantic gasps and pants coming from her louder than ever. I take the top of her panties between my teeth and pull them out a few inches, rubbing my nose along the skin I've exposed.

'Paige, pleeeeeease!' The groan from Spencer almost makes me break my promise to go slow, the primal passion emanating from her turning my will to jelly.

I let the panties go, the soft material snapping back into place against her skin making Spencer almost howl in frustration. I shimmy back up Spencer's body, stopping to kiss along her ribs and collarbone along the way. I straddle her lap and deliberately grind down into her, Spencer's eyes instantly closing as a gasp of pleasure shoots out of her. I place my hands on either side of Spencer's head and look at her, the look of unadulterated pleasure covering her face turning me on more than I thought was humanly possible.

'Open your eyes Spencer, look at me'. I whisper the words, but she instantly obeys.

Her lids flutter open, and it's my turn to gasp, the look in her eyes stunning me. Spencer has always been beautiful, that's never been in question; but right now she beyond magnificent. Her face is alive with pleasure, joy radiating out of every pore. Her eyes are liquid pools of pure emotion, and I can see every ounce of desire she has for me shining out of them. Spencer grasps my head in her hands and brings our mouths together in a clash of lips and teeth as she conveys just how much she wants me, her body undulating beneath me in an attempt to generate more friction.

I feel lost in a swirling sea of passion, my mind overloaded with how powerful my feelings for this strong woman are. I kiss her back with all of the passion I feel, wanting to remember this night for the rest of my life. My hand sneaks between Spencer and the bed, my fingers seeking out the catch to her bra. I manage to undo it without problem, a triumph considering the only bra I've undone for the last three years has been my own, and feel Spencer moan her appreciation into my mouth.

My hand skims back over her skin, my fingers peeling the garment from her body and dropping on the floor to join the ever growing pile of clothing being shed. I break the kiss so that I can gaze at her body, my hand returning to cup her left breast. The image is so vivid; my bandaged covered hand cradling her perfect breast, that it makes me groan at the sight. I run my thumb back and forth over her nipple gently, the sensitive skin hardening into a firm point instantly.

I look at Spencer and see she is almost blushing, her head averted from me. I lift my hand from her breast so that I can capture her chin, tilting her head back towards me until she meets my eyes. 'Are you ok?'

Spencer nods her head once and tries to avert her eyes again, but I hold her chin still as I can tell there is something the matter. 'Hey, don't do this ok. If you don't like your breasts being touched then just tell me, I won't be offended. I won't do anything you're uncomfortable with'.

Spencer blushes further so I release her chin and stroke her face, my fingers gently caressing her cheek. Spencer leans into the contact, pressing her face into my hand, and I am relieved to know she still wants my touch. 'I want you Spencer, I think that's pretty clear; but if you've changed your mind then we can stop right this instant, no harm no foul'.

Spencer shakes her head. 'I don't want you to stop, it's just that...' She stops and bites her bottom lip, worrying the tender flesh instead of finishing her sentence.

I move my thumb across her chin and tug gently on her bottom lip, releasing the delicate flesh from its torture. 'You need to stop doing that, it's far too sexy and it's making me want my lips on you again'.

Desire flares in Spencer's eyes at my words, her body involuntarily arching into mine as if asking for my lips back. It's an encouraging sign, but I refuse to do anything until Spencer starts talking, because I know there is still something bothering her. 'Talk to me Spencer. Please'.

I see Spencer swallow, her throat bobbing in a way that makes me want to run my tongue up its length. 'It's just my...' She averts her eyes from mine, choosing to look at my shoulder instead of my eyes as she talks. 'I know I'm not very big in the bust department, and I don't want you to feel like you have to concentrate on that area if you don't want to'.

Her words leave me speechless, and I am stunned into silence for a few seconds. Spencer must read my silence wrong because she tries to cover her chest with her arm, her face looking devastated. This pulls me out of my revive, and I vow to make her see exactly what I see when I look at her. I capture her arm, stilling it in its tracks.

'Oh sweetie, no!' I lean down and kiss her, my lips gentle on hers. 'Spencer, you are _so_ incredibly beautiful. Every single inch of you is perfect; don't you ever believe differently, not even for a single second!'

'I know most people like bigger...' Her voice is so tentative, so unlike Spencer, that I just want to wrap her up in my arms and cuddle her.

I let go of her arm and stroke her face again, my eyes stinging with tears at how unsure of herself she sounds. 'Oh Spencer, you should know by now that most people are _idiots_'.

I smile at her, and am heartened to see a small smile lighten her face in reply. 'Big boobs don't make for better sex, just like having a big wanger doesn't guarantee a guy is going to be able to hit your spot any better'.

I see Spencer's eyebrows raise at my words, her face inquisitive despite her worry. 'Not me! I'm still a gold star; but Hanna talks, a lot. Even when I beg her to stop'.

Spencer laughs at my answer, the melodic sound wonderful to hear. I can't resist kissing her again, and this time she responds. I pull away from her with reluctance after a few minutes and hear her whimper of protest, but I want to prove to her just how amazing I think her body really is; and for that I need to focus.

I move my hand down to her right breast, cupping it softly in my palm. I smile at Spencer, making sure she is looking right at me as I talk. 'Breasts come in all sizes, and they all are wonderful; but personally I think more than a handful is a waste, and oh look at that...' I make an over exaggerated point of looking down at my hand '….yours just so happens to fit mine perfectly!'

Spencer covers my hand with her own, her thumb gently stroking over my damaged knuckles. 'You are quite the smooth talker these days aren't you'. She smiles at me and I can see it reaches her eyes, a light starting to glow in them again.

'Ah, but you haven't even heard about my favorite bit yet!' I bring my thumb up and brush it across her nipple a few times, the calloused pad sending ripples of pleasure shooting through it.

Spencer gasps at my touch, her eyes almost closing at the sensation. I lean down close to her ear, making sure my whisper can be heard clearly. 'The part that is my favorite, my absolute number one favorite part of a woman's breast; is her nipple'.

I swipe my thumb across it again, satisfied with the response I receive as Spencer moans my name. I continue to whisper, my breath blowing against her ear as I talk and touch. 'A woman's nipple can become so sensitive that it can trigger her orgasm without her being touched anywhere else; that's how good nipples are'.

Spencer moans my name again and I have to squeeze my legs together as bolts of arousal shoot straight to my center, the sound of my name on her lips one of the sexiest things I've ever heard in my life. I kiss my way down her neck, my destination clear as I skim over her collarbone and down her chest. I stop as I draw level with my hand, watching my thumb graze over the erect nub for a few seconds before I blow gently on her other breast, not wanting it to feel neglected.

'Your nipples look so tasty Spencer, am I allowed to taste them?' I place a kiss in the gap between Spencer's breasts before resting my chin on her sternum, my thumb stopping its work until I get her answer. I crane my head back so that I can look up Spencer's body, my eyes connecting with Spencer's as she leans up on her elbows to look at me. I raise my eyebrow in question, my eyes conveying my desire for her.

Spencer nods her head slowly, her eyes a mixture of lust and fear. I keep my eyes locked on hers the best I can as I move my mouth to meet her right nipple, my tongue flicking over the taut peak. I see Spencer close her eyes at the contact, her face registering pleasure at the new sensation. I tear my eyes away from Spencer and focus on making her feel amazing.

I wrap my lips around the soft bud in front of me and suck softly as my tongue lavishes it with affection, my right hand creeping across to continue its ministrations with her left nipple. My mouth releases her nipple for a second before my teeth gently close round the slippery skin, biting softly on the sensitive nub. Spencer moans deep in her throat at the feeling, the noise urging me to pull more from her. My right hand pinches her left nipple softly, rolling it between my thumb and index finger; and Spencer lets out a drawn out moan as her hips jerk upwards, her core pressing against my leg. I smile into her skin, the pleasure shooting through me at the knowledge that I am making her feel good more of a rush than anything I've experienced in a _long_ time.

I continue playing with her nipples for a quite a while, making sure my mouth worships both nipples equally; until my head is forcefully pulled upwards. I have to go with the momentum or risk a bald spot so release my prize, using my hands to propel myself up to face Spencer. She is panting hard, her breath puffing out of her mouth in quick bursts as she fights to get enough oxygen into her lungs.

Spencer looks at me with her beautiful brown eyes, her words coming out in a stutter. 'You...that...oh my god, I can't take much more...I'm going to explode...'

I grin at her words, feeling proud of her current incoherent state. I press my lips to hers, our tongues instantly finding each other in a playful duel. When we eventually break for air I take the opportunity to whisper in her ear, making my voice as husky as possible. 'Just wait til I taste your pussy'.

Spencer lets out a low moan and arches into me, her body clearly liking the visual my words conjure up. I let my my left hand trail down her torso as I rejoin our lips, skimming her skin until it reaches the only barrier left on her body. I play with the edge of her cotton panties, my fingers just dipping under the waistband an inch or so before retreating.

Spencer is the one to break the kiss this time, burying her head into my shoulder as she growls at me, 'Dammit Paige, if you don't fuck me right now I'm going to die with frustration!'

Spencer emphasizes her point by biting down into my shoulder hard enough to hurt; and the sensation of her teeth on my skin combined with the growled plea is so erotic I almost cum on the spot.

I don't waste any more time and slip all the way inside her panties, my fingers sliding over her curls to find their destination. Spencer instinctively parts her legs to allow me greater access, and my fingers unerringly home in on her clit. I use the tip of my middle finger and gently swipe across the bud, feeling Spencer writhe in response. I explore further and find my fingers surrounded in wet heat, the evidence of Spencer's arousal coating my fingers. It is now my turn to groan; the proof of Spencer's desire for me is undeniable, and it makes me euphoric.

I raise my head and kiss Spencer deeply as I bring my fingers back to her clit, using the extra lubrication to aid my fingers in their goal. I set a slow rhythm to start, one finger circling gently over the sensitive spot, but I quickly speed up as Spencer hands claw at my shoulders. I let my thumb take over as I move my fingers down to her entrance, one finger slipping slowly into her core to test her readiness.

Spencer presses her hips up into my hand, her mouth leaving mine momentarily. 'More, I need more of you Paige, please!'

I slip my finger out and slide two back in, feeling Spencer gasp into my mouth at the sensation. I thrust into her at a steady pace, not wanting this feeling to ever end. I feel consumed by Spencer; her taste, her smell, the feeling of her surrounding me and the noises she is making are all combining into a cocoon of ecstasy that I never want to leave. I curl my fingers slightly and feel the little raised spot inside her, knowing I've hit the jackpot when Spencer starts mewling like a kitten and balls the sheet in her fists.

It isn't long before I know Spencer is about to hit her peak; little spasms are shooting through her body in waves and she is moaning my name over and over. I kiss her cheek softly, whispering into her ear. 'Cum for me Spencer, let go and show me how you feel'.

A few more strokes of her clit as I thrust into her and Spencer suddenly finds her release; her body going rigid as she cries out my name, the walls squeezing my fingers with an almost painful pressure. I stroke her clit gently until her body calms and relaxes, missing her delectable heat as soon as I slip my fingers out.

I roll to the side so that I am not squashing Spencer and she immediately snuggles into me, her arms wrapping around my body. Her eyes are already starting to close, her lids drooping with exhaustion. I smile at the sight and kiss her forehead softly, telling her to get some rest.

Spencer smiles sleepily at me and closes her eyes, mumbling her words just loud enough for me to hear. 'Now I know why Emily always had such a big smile on her face when she talked about you...'

Spencer is asleep before she can finish her sentence, but her words have jolted me wide awake. Emily! Holy crap, what have I done?

Spencer is in love with Emily; yet I have just sent her into a sex induced coma.

Did I take advantage of Spencer? Yes she initiated things, and I made sure to I checked several times that she was ok with what was happening; but that doesn't negate the fact that she was in a fragile state. I just finish describing how her boyfriend died, then bang her senseless; I'm a horrible person.

I ease away from Spencer, making sure her body is adequately covered by the sheets before crossing the floor and shutting myself in the bathroom. I grip the sink as I feel weak, the self loathing coming back with a vengeance. Spencer belongs with Emily, there is no denying that. Spencer loves Emily, and they both deserve the chance to be happy.

I already felt more for Spencer than I ever thought possible; having spent the last few hours exploring her body has just solidified how quickly I am falling for her. I need to let Spencer be happy, and that means letting her go. I close my eyes and an image of her appears in my mind; naked and writhing beneath me as I make love to her, her taste still so fresh on my lips that it makes me go weak at the knees.

I don't want to let her go, I want her to be with me. I want us to be together, for real. The thought pops into my head and I open my eyes in shock, the truth scaring the crap out of me.

I'm in love with Spencer Hastings, but she is in love with Emily Fields.

The thought is like a knife in my heart, so I do the only thing I can think to do. I run.


	14. Chapter 14

**Thank you for the great reviews, they keep me alive with the hope that I know what I'm doing! **

**Paige had to run, we all know she did; but hold on to hope folks, because there is ALWAYS hope!**

**By-the-Eve: I'm glad you like the angst, I just seem to have a knack for causing pain(!)**

**Squidge86: Sorry for the wait, I hope this chapter is worth it.**

**Shaybay143: That was my first attempt at fanfic smut, I'm pleased you enjoyed!**

**Chapter 14**

I've almost turned around three hundred times.

I desperately want to go back, to re enter my apartment and slip under the covers of my bed like I had never left and cuddle up to the amazing woman currently asleep in it. Everything in me is begging to have Spencer back in my arms; to feel her lips, taste her skin, and to make love to her again and again.

It is that last sentence that stops me from turning around. _Make love to her._ We had sex, nothing more; yet I keep thinking of it as making love. I'm honest with myself enough to admit that from my side that is what it was. I have fallen for Spencer, hard; but for Spencer it was just sex.

That was why I ran, why I still am running. I had thrown on some clothes, packed a bag of stuff, and left the apartment as quickly as possible. The realist in me knew I couldn't deal with a face to face conversation, knowing that I wouldn't have the willpower to stop myself from begging her to stay with me; so it made the only choice possible, it got me out of there and left a note in place of my body on the bed so that she can be with the person she loves. I know Spencer is going to be hurt when she wakes up alone, probably pretty pissed too; but I'm hoping she'll be able to understand once she reads my letter.

I have been driving for hours, my body begging for sleep that I am unwilling to grant it. My head is full of Spencer, and if I sleep I know she will haunt my dreams in new and even more excruciating ways. Whenever Spencer troubled my sleep in the past it was as a friend I had betrayed; now she will haunt me as a forbidden love, one who can never been mine. I have dried tears staining my face, my tears starting again every time I think too hard about how it felt to be with Spencer, or what I could have if only she felt the same way.

I am only vaguely aware of the landscape changing as I drive with no real idea of where I am heading, my mind completing signals and turns on autopilot. It isn't until I receive a honk of annoyance from a yellow taxi for cutting him up that I snap back into focus and become aware of where I am. I am shocked to discover I have driven all the way to New York without realizing it, the signs for central park a dead giveaway to my current location. In my befuddled state my unconscious mind has sought out the only real friend I have left, Hanna.

I pull into the first parking space I find and dig my phone out of my jacket. I had switched it off as soon as I had left the apartment, knowing that the first message or phone call from Spencer would break my will and have me turning the car around in a heartbeat. I switch it on and wait while it loads, receiving a surprise when I see that I have just driven for fourteen hours without a break. It was the early hours of the morning when I crept from my own apartment like a thief, and it is now almost six in the evening. As soon as my phone has booted up it is flooded with missed calls and message alerts. I sigh heavily, knowing without having to check that they will all be from Spencer. Part of me still wants to turn the car around and drive straight back, willing to undergo another fourteen hours wedged into the car if the reward is being in Spencer's arms again.

I clear the screen of the alerts and flip to my address book, searching for Hanna's address. I know I should delete the messages without opening them, they will cause me nothing but heartbreak, but I can't bring myself to do it; if all I have left of Spencer is the sound of her voice, then I am going to hang on to it for as long as I can.

I find Hanna's address and plug it into my navigation system, finding that I am not far from her place. I switch my phone to silent before turning it off again and dropping it back into my bag. I decide not to give Hanna any advanced warning of my arrival, even though it might result in me sitting on the doorstep outside her apartment block until she comes home. I don't want to interrupt her if she is still at work, I know how important it is to her.

The drive only takes about twenty minutes, and I manage to nab a parking space just around the corner. I clean my face using some wipes I had left in the bottom of my car and try to make myself look presentable before I heft my backpack out of the car and lock the doors, not willing to risk leaving my vigilante stuff in the car in case it gets stolen. I can't go back to my apartment; it is now irrevocably linked to Spencer, so I will just pick a new town and head straight there in a few days, the only things I need currently over my shoulder.

I walk up the stairs to Hanna's apartment block and reach the outer door just as a little old biddy is exiting. She seems to be having difficulty with the heavy door so I hurry over to assist her, receiving a grateful smile and a pat on the hand for my kindness. The door is already open so I decide not to press the buzzer, instead heading straight inside. I jog up the staircase instead of waiting for the lift, the exercise stretching my cramped legs muscles and loosening them up a bit. I arrive at the top floor only slightly winded, happy to see that I can still manage twenty five flights of stairs even in my less than perfect condition.

I check door numbers as I walk along the corridor, my mind returning to muse over the contents of Spencer's messages.

My worst fear is that she is so hurt by my actions that the messages contain nothing but hate, a diatribe deriding me for my cowardly behavior and taking back the forgiveness she bestowed upon me. The thought makes my heart ache with fear. The possibility that I may never see Spencer again, even as a friend is painful but bearable, yet the possibility that she will hate me for the rest of her life is torturous, making the limbo state I was in before her arrival back in my life look like a trip to Hawaii in comparison.

I find the right door and knock on it briskly, my mind still lost in my thoughts.

Maybe the messages are not bad; in fact they might be Spencer telling me she understands, and that she wishes me all the best.

I hear movement inside the apartment and feel grateful that Hanna is home; the car ride is starting to catch up with me, and I really need to pee.

Spencer might not even be in the apartment any more, she might have left just like I have and be in the middle of her own journey.

The door rattles as the locks are undone, and I prepare to be swamped by a Hanna hug.

Maybe Spencer is right this moment on her way to see...

'Emily!' My voice is a high pitched squeak, the shock tightening my vocal cords into a knot.

For standing in front of me, looking as flawless as always, is none other than Emily Fields; former light of my life. The woman I willed Spencer to find; the woman I gave up my own chance at happiness for, is standing right in front of me.

Emily's face is registering just as much shock as mine must be, because both of us just stand in silence gawping at each other. It is only when Hanna comes to the door that the spell is broken.

'Emily, did you make sure they put double cheese on the pizza because last time they...oh my god, PAIGE!' Hanna bellows her joy at seeing me and nearly knocks Emily flying as she barges past in her quest to reach me.

I have just enough time to set my bag on the floor before my arms are full of an overexcited babbling blonde; Hanna quite literally launching herself at me.

'Paige, what are you doing here? Oh my gawd it's SO good to see you! You should of told me you were coming, I would of ordered more pizza's!' She is speaking so fast I barely understand half of what she is saying, her face buried in my neck as she bear hugs me. I hug her back tightly, my eyes prickling with tears at how much I have missed her.

It isn't until I hear a discreet cough that I realize that we have been hugging for an overly long time, both of us comfortable with each other enough to be able to stand in an embrace without the need to say anything. I loosen my arms and straighten up, though Hanna snuggles into my side and keeps her arms around me as she beams up at me.

I look at Emily and see she is uncomfortable with our display of affection, though she is trying to hide it the best she can. She has averted her eyes and is currently finding a spot on the door frame riveting, her face a picture of awkwardness.

I address Hanna, trying to spare Emily any further awkwardness. 'I'm sorry I interrupted you guys, you're clearly in the middle of a reunion. I'll come back later'.

'No way!' Hanna protests immediately, her grip on my side tightening. I have to bite back a gasp as sharp pain shoots through my side, my bruised ribs protesting at the sudden constriction. 'I just got you back McCullers, I'm not letting you out of my sight for a second!'

Despite the pain in my side I feel happy to have Hanna's arms around me, knowing that this was the reason my subconscious brought me here. If I have anywhere left in this world that feels like home, it's with Hanna. _And Spencer _my mind whispers.

'Don't worry Skittles, I'm not going to nick off on you again'. I grin down at her with a laugh in my voice, her obvious delight at seeing me boosting my depleted spirits. 'But I know you two don't get to see each other very often and I don't want to get in the way of that so I can just book into a motel and catch up with you when you're free'.

'Skittles?' I look up at Emily who is now eying us with open curiosity.

I shrug at her, not wanting to share the story behind how the nickname came about. 'It's a thing'.

Hanna drags me forcibly into the apartment, oblivious to Emily's reticence. 'You are not checking into some skeezy rat trap motel that is full of bed bugs and fleas.' She shudders dramatically. 'You are staying here and that's the end of it. We can have a big old reunion together'.

I scoop my bag off the floor and let myself be led into through the door, not really wanting to leave despite the awkwardness of Emily's presence.

Emily follows behind us and closes the door, her voice sounding hesitant. 'Er, Hanna, I'm kinda occupying the spare room at the moment, where is she going to sleep?'

I address Emily before Hanna can. 'I'm more than content with the couch, or a section of floor; I don't really sleep that much any way'.

Hanna shakes her head as she takes my bag off of me. 'Nonsense, you'll sleep with me'. I see her realize how that sounded because she suddenly gives Emily a look and starts unnecessarily explaining herself. 'Not _with me_ with me, just with me; like next to me in the bed. This isn't a gay thing, I still like sex with men. Not that sex with women is bad, I'm sure it's fantastic; but I guess you two already know that...'

I can't help the laughter that bursts out of me at the look on Emily's face, a hilarious mix of confusion and horror, her eyes nearly bugging out of her head at Hanna's verbal diarrhea. 'You can stop talking ANY time now skittles'.

I kiss Hanna affectionately on the head as she turns pink and closes her mouth, pretending to lock it before throwing away the key.

'It's fine Hanna; who Paige chooses to sleep with is none of my business anymore'. The words stop my laughter as effectively as a slap to the face. Emily's tone is light and she clearly means it, but the words are a reminder of why I am here; of who I left behind.

Hanna notices me tense up and lays a hand on my arm, her eyes scanning mine with worry. I can see that she thinks Emily's word have upset me so I shake my head minutely at her, my way of saying not to make an issue of it.

Hanna squeezes my arm gently in reassurance before letting go, her bubbly voice betraying none of the worry she clearly feels for me. 'Ok, well I'll go pop this into the bedroom then!'

Hanna disappears through a door and I am left in the living room with Emily, both of us feeling decidedly awkward without Hanna as a go between.

'So, how's college life treating you?' I make a stab at small talk, the silence of the room loud and obvious.

'It's good, thanks'. Emily's reply is stilted, like she is answering a stranger; and she avoids eye contact entirely. 'How come you're here, did Hanna call you?'

I frown in confusion. 'No. She had no idea I was coming. You witnessed our meeting in the hallway, did she look like she knew I was coming?'

Emily seems to relax slightly, though is still wary. 'Oh. So she was genuinely that excited to see you'.

'She's the only one it seems'. I can't help the bitter note to my words, Emily's attitude an added injury to my already fragile heart.

Emily has the grace to blush and look away, her face showing her discomfort. 'I didn't mean that the way it came out, I'm sorry. I know she lived with you for a bit but I figured when you disappeared it was because you two didn't get on, so they way you greeted each other surprised me'.

I shrug at her. 'Hanna helped me through a lot, and she's the closest thing I have to family left. I wanted to see her so I came, I didn't realize you would be here or I would of postponed'.

'Oh'. Emily falls silent, her eyes now softer as they look at me, though still with some awkwardness in them.

I decide to try again with small talk, not wanting the awkwardness to last all evening. 'It sounds like your doing well though, new girlfriend and all'.

Emily's looks up at me with surprise in her eyes. 'How...?'

'Hanna told me a while back'. I feel awkward standing so I move to the couch, choosing to perch on the edge rather than sit back on the cushions. I look at Emily with honest eyes, my words low so that Hanna; who is clearly taking her time so that we are forced to talk, can't hear. 'I'm glad you're happy Emily, that's all I ever wanted for you'. I drop my eyes from hers, shifting them to look down at the floor. 'You look great by the way, as amazing as ever'.

Emily is silent and I think she is not going to respond, but then I see her take her own seat across from me out of the corner of my eye. 'You and Hanna still talk? She's never mentioned it'.

I shrug my shoulders and keep my eyes on the floor. 'I asked her not to say anything. We all needed a fresh start after...after what happened, and I figured hearing about me wouldn't help anyone move on, so I asked Hanna not to mention we sometimes talk. She agreed'.

Emily's voice is more relaxed now, her soft tone the one I remember from years ago. 'You didn't have to do that Paige; you didn't have to leave Rosewood either'.

I look up at Emily, keeping a neutral expression locked on my face. 'I did have to leave, but it's nice to hear you say that. Thank you'.

Emily smiles gently at me. 'You're welcome Paige, and you looks great too'.

I laugh softly at her words, knowing she can't mean them. 'I've just spent fourteen hours driving across several states without a break; I am very aware that I must look like absolute hell, but your lie is very much appreciated'.

Emily's smile broadens at my laugh. 'It's not a lie, you'll always look great to me Paige'.

I blush at her words and dip my head to look down at the floor. 'You still know how to flatter a girl'.

Emily laughs at me and I look back up at her, a frown on my face. She waves me off, her face suddenly shy. ''It's nothing, just something Hanna and I were discussing earlier'.

I don't press her, keenly aware that I don't want her to grill me on why I'm suddenly here, so I accept her answer at face value.

Emily slips forward on her seat, closing the distance between us. She places her hand on my knee, a genuine smile on her face. 'It is good to see you Paige, honestly'.

I cover her hand with mine, matching her smile with one of my own. Our eyes lock and I can see she means her words, the warmth in them a pleasant surprise. I squeeze her hand gently, grateful that we can still have a friendship despite our history.

Emily looks down at my hand as it covers hers and I see her frown. She looks back up at me and her smile has been replaced with concern. 'Paige, what did you do to your hand?'

I look down at our joined hands and realize I used my right hand to cover Emily's; she must of felt the bandage when I squeezed her hand. I look back up at Emily and feel panicked; I had completely forgotten about my damaged hand and have no lie ready.

I'm saved by the buzz of the intercom, the noise distracting us. Hanna magically appears from the bedroom and walks over to the phone to answer it. She looks at us as she passes and sees our joined hands, a small smile appearing on her lips for a few seconds before she looks away. She says a few words into the phone then replaces it, turning to us with a beaming smile. 'The pizzas' here!'

She bounds over to the door in giddy excitement and I remove my hand from Emily's so that I can join her. Emily gives me a funny look as I get up, clearly not happy that I didn't answer her question, but I pretend not to see it and move away.

Hanna is practically bouncing up and down in anticipation of the pizza's arrival and the sight makes me smile, she did exactly the same thing while she was living with me. Hanna was a terrible cook and I had completely lost the will to eat so she ordered take out most nights, practically force feeding me while we sat huddled in front of the TV and watched whatever crazy show she wanted to watch.

I walk up behind her and pull her into a hug, wrapping my arms around her waist as I rest my head on her shoulder. She relaxes into me immediately and leans her head back so we are cheek to cheek. 'I missed you skittles'.

Hanna turns her head so that she can kiss my cheek before resting her head back against mine. Her voice is quiet as she speaks, careful not to let it reach Emily's ears. 'Is it bad?'

The concern in her voice is clear, instinctively knowing that I've come to her because I need comfort. I tighten my arms around her, my eyes prickling with tears at the love I feel for this pint sized beauty. I swallow before answering, the noise audible enough that I know she must of heard it. 'It is. But you're helping already'.

Hanna places her hands over my arms and squeezes, knowing that the gesture is enough for me while eyes are watching us. We hear the elevator ping as it reaches our floor and the door opens to reveal the pizza boy. I release my hold on Hanna and straighten up, reaching for the wallet in my pocket.

Hanna tries to stop me from paying for the pizza's, arguing that I'm a guest and that they wasn't even for me anyway, but I manage to hold her back with one arm while I slip a few bills into the amused pizza boys hand with the other. Once the pizza's are collected and the door is closed I receive a dirty look from Hanna before she flounces over to Emily and flops down onto the couch, the pizza's safely in her possession.

I grin at her dramatic display, knowing that she will forgive me in less than five minutes, and excuse myself to go to the bathroom. Once I'm safely in the locked room I make use of the facilities, my bladder grateful that it is finally empty again, then look at my bandaged hand as I wash them. There is no way I can hide it now; Emily is probably right this minute telling Hanna all about it, so I need to find an excuse which Emily will believe. I decide to go for as much of the truth as I can tell, and hope she doesn't question it too much.

I exit the bathroom and head back into the living room, detouring into the kitchen to pick up more wine and an extra glass for myself on Hanna's instructions. As soon as I sit down next to Hanna she wraps my arm around her shoulders and snuggles her way into my (thankful uninjured) side, indicating I am already forgiven. I sneak a piece of pizza from the box on Hanna's lap and munch on it, my stomach rumbling it's appreciation as the first bit of food I've eaten in over a day reaches it.

'Paige, you didn't didn't answer my question about your hand'. Emily gets straight to the point, the fact that she is no longer my girlfriend not stopping her from feeling like she has the right to quiz me.

'What's wrong with your hand?' Hanna swivels within my embrace to look at my hand, and I hold it up for her inspection.

'It's nothing really, I just forgot to wrap my hand when I was working out and split my knuckles on a punching bag'. I try to sound as nonchalant as possible, playing it off as a mistake in the gym.

'You box?' Emily's eyebrows rise in surprise.

'Only for exercise. I've no interest in turning pro'. I smile at her, trying to make it look believable.

'Do you not swim anymore?' Emily takes a sip of her wine, her face a picture of curiosity.

I stifle a sigh, not wanting to think about my failed dreams. 'Not much. Swimming was my way of getting out of Rosewood, a full ride scholarship to anywhere U.S.A. Once I got sho...injured, that all went by the wayside. I got into boxing because it helped build up the muscles in my shoulder again, and hitting something is a good form of stress relief'. I refrain from adding that the somethings I normally hit are actual people, figuring that wouldn't go down too well.

Hanna squeezes my thigh gently and snuggles in closer. 'You still got out though, and everyone's plans are subject to change'.

I smile down at her, grateful that she understands my desire to keep the past firmly in the past. 'I did, and so did the both of you. Hanna tell me all about your internship, I want to know all the juicy gossip'.

I throw the ball into Hanna's court, knowing that she will be able to talk the hind legs off a donkey about her job and she immediately launches into a tale about some actor I've never heard of who tried chatting her up while she was taking his inside leg measurements. I relax into the couch and steal another slice of pizza, grateful that the inquisition is off me for a while.

Hanna and Emily manage to keep the conversation flowing for several hours with minimal input from me, they haven't seen each other in quite some time so have a fair bit of catching up to do and I have half zoned out their conversation; the combination of food, alcohol, sleep deprivation and the comfort of Hanna's body pressed against me making me start to doze off when I hear Hanna ask Emily a question that has my eyes popping back open in a flash. 'So are you going to dump her when you go back?'

I look at Emily in surprise and see her blushing, embarrassment written all over her face. She looks down at her hands to avoid looking back at me, her tone full of indecision. 'I don't know, it's just all so complicated'.

'Complicated how?' I can't help asking the question, my mouth working before my brain.

Emily shrugs uncomfortably, clearly not wanting to discuss her current girlfriend with her ex girlfriend. 'She has a lot of issues; about stuff'.

'Well that's not very helpful'. Hanna throws her hands up dramatically and rolls her eyes. 'You came here so that we could try and figure this out before you have to go back and see her. If you don't give us a bit more info about her we won't know how to help'.

Emily looks at me bashfully, her eyes showing her reluctance to talk so I try to make things easier on her.

'I don't mind you talking about her Emily, honestly'. I sit up a bit straighter and try to show her my sincerity. 'I've accepted that we are over, and I've made my peace with it. There is no jealously on my part, but I completely understand if you would rather talk to Hanna about this without me present'.

Emily's eyes widen slightly at my words, and I can still read her well enough to see surprise and even a hint of disappointment in them. She quickly recovers and continues as if nothing has happened. 'That's very kind of you Paige, thank you'.

Before I can remove myself from Hanna's embrace she butts in with her opinion too. 'But her advice might be helpful! Paige knows you as a girlfriend, maybe if you describe what is happening then she could figure out why Tory is being such a nightmare'.

Emily shoots Hanna a dirty look, clearly not happy that Hanna is speaking about her relationship in front of me. I decide to let Emily off the hook, not eager to be part of trying to repair Emily's fractured relationship. If anything I would be tempted to sabotage it, leaving Emily free and single when Spencer appears.

'Look, to be honest I'm shattered. I think it's best if I hit the hay and leave you ladies to it'. I untangle myself from Hanna and stand up, trying not to notice how relieved Emily looks at my words.

'I can come too if you want?' Hanna leans her head back on the couch and looks at me upside down, her eyes flashing with her unspoken question. _Are you ok?_

I place a kiss on her forehead and ruffle her hair as I smile gently at her. 'It's ok skittles, you stay and help Emily. I'll see you later'.

Hanna nods at my answer, her eyes telling me she understands my answer. _No, but I'm not falling apart just yet'. _

I bid Emily a soft goodnight and head into Hanna's bedroom, finding my bag at the foot of the bed. I open it and pull out a vest top and sleeping shorts along with my toothbrush before closing it back up and stashing it under the bed. I use Hanna's en suite and have a brief shower, the knowledge that I have a combination of work out sweat and sex sweat still coating my body making the need to wash before slipping between Hanna's immaculate sheets override the bone weary tiredness pervading my body.

I brush my teeth quickly, the large mirror over the sink making me too uncomfortable to prolong my stay any longer than necessary. Once safely back in Hanna's bedroom I strip off my towel and put on clean underwear, a simple black pair of boy shorts and a new sports bra.

I have my sleep shorts on and am just reaching for my vest top when the door opens, Hanna walking in already mid sentence. '….forgot to tell you about the...'

Hanna's words die in her throat the instant she see's me, her eyes immediately zeroing in on my torso. She pushes the door closed behind her and walks towards me slowly, her gaze flicking between my body and my face. 'Paige...What the...?'

Guilt floods through me at the look on her face, the tears in her eyes shining like a beacon. I don't make any attempt to put my top on, knowing that the damage has already been done. Instead I drop it back onto the bed and hold my arms out to the sides, letting her have an unobstructed view. Hanna reaches her hand out and strokes my stomach, her fingers gently tracing over the damaged flesh.

'It's worse than it looks'. My voice is low as I speak, my words soft.

Hanna's fingers scoot over my ribs and press experimentally on my bruise, making me automatically flinch at the pain. I look down to find Hanna frowning up at me, making a face I know all too well, Hanna's patented 'Don't try to lie to my face!' face; one she wore almost daily when she was living with me and I kept telling her I had just eaten each time she tried to get me to eat something.

'Ok, so it IS as bad as it looks'. I concede under her gaze like I always used to, unable to lie to her. 'But that's not why I need you; all my real pain is in here'. I place my hand over the left side of my chest to indicate where I mean, my voice breaking on the last word.

Hanna reaches up and strokes my cheek, her kind eyes understanding. 'You're staying with me as long as you need to ok. My home will always your home'.

I feel my eyes water at her words and wrap my arms around her waist in a huge hug, burying my face in her shoulder. Hanna steps up onto her tiptoes and wraps her arms around my neck to avoid hurting my side, squeezing herself tight against me.

'You ARE my home Hanna, I hope you know that'. I whisper the words, my throat too choked to make the words any louder.

'Backatcha McCullers'. Hanna tightens her arms slightly and kisses my cheek, her words just as soft as mine. 'I love you Paige, no matter what. You know that right?'

I nod against her shoulder, my words now failing me completely as the tears flow freely. All my strength seems to desert me and my body feels incredibly heavy, exhaustion swamping my frame as I realize I don't need to be strong in front of Hanna any longer.

Hanna's arms are solid around me and cradle me as I weep, my bubbly blonde being strong for me now. When my tears eventually lessen I pull back from her shoulder and swipe my arm across my face, no doubt looking a complete wreck. I smile weakly at Hanna, feeling way older than my barely twenty years and Hanna smiles back at me, the concern in her eyes clear and bright.

'You should get back out there, Emily will think we really are sleeping together if you stay in here much longer'. I try to make a joke of the whole thing, not wanting to worry Hanna any more than I have to.

'Let her think what she wants, I only care about you right now'. Hanna's voice is soft but firm, her eyes showing me she means her words.

I hug her again but keep it brief, not wanting to risk unleashing anymore waterworks for now. 'I'll be fine, I'm probably just going to crash straight out anyway'.

Hanna raises her eyebrow at me, clearly not believing me and I almost cave and tell her to stay, but a timid knock on the door stops me before I can.

'Hanna?' Emily's hesitant voice sounds through the door and Hanna turns to look at it.

While Hanna is distracted I take a deep breath, gritting my teeth to force back the words I was about to say. Instead I touch Hanna on the shoulder gently and whisper in her ear. 'Go. Have fun. We'll talk later'.

Hanna looks at me again, her eyes trying to bore into mine. I roll my eyes at her and giver her a gentle shove, pointing at the door. 'Go!'

Hanna walks over to the door and cracks it open a fraction, being careful to make sure Emily can't see me from where she is. 'What's up Em?'

'I er...I just wondered if you were coming back out. You said you needed to tell Paige something real quick, and then you disappeared for ten minutes'. Emily's voice is equal parts apologetic for interrupting and curious to know what is going on in here.

'Yeah sorry about that, we were just talking'. Hanna sounds relaxed and natural, nothing in her voice giving away the fact that I have just been sobbing my heart out in her arms. 'Paige is just off to bed now so I'll be back out in a sec'.

'Oh, ok. I'll see you in a second then'. Emily sounds slightly taken aback, but doesn't question things further. 'Night Paige'.

I just have time to reply with my own goodnight before Hanna shuts the door on Emily and turns to look at me. 'Right, let's get you tucked in then shall we'.

Hanna starts stripping the covers back as I retrieve my vest top from the bed and pull it on, feeling better now my ruined stomach is covered. I see Hanna look at my stomach like she can still see the scars, a pensive look on her face. 'I'll tell you, I promise'.

Hanna looks up at me, her eyes surprised. 'That's not what I was thinking'.

'I know'. I smile at her softly as I slip into the bed, knowing she wouldn't of been thinking of asking about it. 'You never pushed me to talk about my nightmares, never pried or questioned the things you didn't understand. You saved my life, yet never yelled at me for putting you through hell or demanded I tell you everything. You were simply there for me, with unconditional love and support'.

Hanna pulls the covers up around me as she shrugs her shoulders like it was no big deal, her expression nonplussed. 'You had everyone else for that, including the woman currently sitting in my living room. I just wanted to make sure you were ok'.

I reach out and grip her hand, bringing it to my lips to kiss. 'You are an amazing woman Hanna Marin, I love you so much'.

Hanna drops a kiss on my forehead and strokes my hair gently. 'I love you too trouble, now close those eyes and go to sleep. I expect to snuggle up to a soundly asleep woman when I come back!'

She grins at me as she exits the room, flipping the switch on the wall as she passes it to drop the room into darkness.

As soon as the door is closed I hop back out of bed, traversing the darkened room without issue as I had memorized the layout as soon as I entered the room earlier. I retrieve my phone and slip back into bed, not wanting Hanna to catch me prowling around after her explicit command. I pull the covers over my head and switch it on, the wait seeming like forever as the phone boots up. As soon as it had loaded my screen informs me I have several new messages, my heart constricting at the sight.

I decide to read the text messages first, figuring they would be less painful than listening to Spencer's voice. I have eleven in total, each one breaking my heart a little further.

11:00: _Paige, come back._

11:47: _Paige, please don't do this. _

12:12: _I need you to come back to me._

12:47: _Please talk to me Paige, just answer your phone._

13:26: _You didn't even say goodbye in your letter. Do I not deserve a goodbye?_

14:17: _We need to talk Paige, we can't leave it like this._

14:54: _You're freaking me out, please just let me know you're ok_.

15:35: _I never pegged you for a fuck em and leave em kind of girl. Guess I was wrong._

16:19: _I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I just need to talk to you. Please call me._

16:58: _I can't stop picturing you injured. Please let me know you are safe. Please._

17:26: _Paige, I can't do this, I need you with me. Please tell me where you are._

I should stop now, switch my phone off and leave the voice mail messages unheard, but I know that I can't. I dial my voice mail account with shaky fingers and swallow my tears, trying to hold myself together so I can get through them. The phone clicks as it connects.

'You have eight new messages...'

As soon as Spencer starts speaking I gasp in shock, knowing immediately that when she recorded the message she had just woken up and not seen my note yet. Her voice is fuzzy with sleep, yet full of sensual promise.

10:56: _Hey cutie, did you pop out for something? Hurry back, the bed is far too cold without you, I need your sexy body to warm me up!_

The next one is only two minutes later, and her tone tells me that she has found my note. Her voice has lost all trace of sleepiness, now fully alert and sounding panicked.

10:58: _Paige! Come back! Please! You don't have to leave!_

The distress in her voice hurts my heart, the sadness in it put there by my actions.

11:29: _Paige, I understand you think you need to do this but you really, really don't. Please just call me, lets talk about it._

My tears start again, a slow trickle that trails off my face to pool on the pillow beneath me.

12:15: _Last night was the first time I've felt happy in such a long time, and today is the worst. I know you think I should be with Emily, that you left so that I can go to her, but I need you in my life Paige, please come back to me. _

My tears become full on sobs and I stuff my fist into my mouth to muffle the noise, not wanting the sound to carry into the living room.

13:10: _I've read your letter over and over, so many times that I know every word by heart now. Yet I still can't accept that you've gone. I'm still in your apartment, hoping that you'll walk back in through the door any second now. I can't bring myself to leave, because I know as soon as I do that I will be admitting you're not coming back._

14:56: _Paige I need to hear from you, please let me know you're ok. _

Spencer sounds so sad, her voice stuffy and thick, as if she too has been crying.

16:21: _I'm sorry I got angry, I didn't mean that. I know you're not that kind of girl Paige. Last night was amazing and you made me feel incredible, more alive than I have in a long time. I just wish you were still here with me, so that we could talk properly. I have so much I want to say to you, but I can't do it on your voice mail. Please call me Paige, __**please**__._

The last one was a few hours ago, roughly when I had been making small talk with Emily. Spencer sounds defeated, like she has finally accepted that I'm not coming back.

18:52: _So this is it. I guess you've gone somewhere I will never find you. I'm sorry you felt you had to leave Paige, I truly am. I understand that I remind you of the past, and the past is a painful place for you; it is for me too. I was hoping we could help each other heal, but I guess my presence in your life is just too much for you to deal with. Please let me know you are ok, so that I will be able to sleep without picturing you dead in a gutter somewhere. I hope you don't mind but I took a hoodie from your apartment, I just wanted to feel you around me for a little longer. Maybe some day you'll be able to be my friend again, I would like that very much. Take care of yourself Paige, I hope you manage to find your happiness. Thank you for all that you have done for me. Yours forever, Spencer._

My eyes are so full of tears that I can barely see, but my fingers still manage to type out my message.

_I'm sorry for leaving but I couldn't stay. It was better this way, for both of us. I hope some day you can forgive me. You'll always be special to me Spencer, nothing will ever change that and you'll always be my friend. Tell Emily how you feel, you both deserve to be happy. Be strong Hastings, go get your girl. Goodbye._

I hit send before I can think too hard about it and let my phone slip through my fingers, burying my head into the pillow as my body shakes with the intensity of my sobs. I feel completely empty, the brief happiness I felt in Spencer's arms managed to repair my heart just enough for it to be able to smash even more painfully now.

I have no idea how long I have been crying, but I suddenly feel a pair of gentle arms encircle me and pull me towards them. I spin round in surprise and find Hanna next to me, her face a mask of sorrow at my distress. 'Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry'.

She opens her arms wider and I immediately burrow into them, pressing my face tight against her chest as I wail like a little child in it's mothers arms. Hanna gathers me against her body and holds me tight, whispering comforting words I can't make out into my hair.

After what seems like hours my body finally runs out of tears and I quieten down, my exhausted body curled up almost on top of the small blonde as she strokes my hair slowly. Despite my body's exhaustion my mind is still wide awake, a million thoughts zipping through it like a busy highway, and I fidget with the strap of Hanna's top to try and release some of the pent up energy in my brain.

Hanna is perfectly quiet while I fidget despite the soggy spot on her top, her hand combing through my hair and the steady beat of her heart under my ear aiding me in slowing my own racing heartbeat.

'I'm a vigilante'. The words slip out of my mouth into the quiet room, winging their way to Hanna's ears.

The hand stroking my hair pauses in its movement. 'You can see the future?'

I lift my head from her chest and look up at Hanna, seeing the confusion on her face. 'That's a medium'.

'A medium what?' She scrunches her nose up as she concentrates and I can't help but chuckle at how adorable she looks.

'A medium is a psychic, a person that can see the future'.

Hanna's brow clears in understanding, then scrunches again. 'So what's a vigilante?'

I suck in a breath and speak on the exhale. 'Someone outside of law enforcement that stops bad guys from hurting people'.

'Like Batman!' Hanna's face clears again.

I raise my eyebrows at her. 'Why does everyone think of Batman when they hear vigilante?'

Hanna shrugs her shoulders. 'Caleb took me to see the Dark Knight Rises. Christian Bale was pretty hot in an older guy kinda way, though way too intense for me. Who else have you told about being a vigilante?'

I avert my eyes and drop my head back onto her chest, listening to her heart beat steadily against my ear. Hanna's hand starts stroking my hair again, her words soft. 'You don't have to answer that if you don't want to'.

Typical Hanna; she doesn't want to upset me so gives me an out, making sure I only have to say what I want to. It would be so easy to just take the out, to bottle my feelings and push them away so I didn't have to deal with them; but the last time I did that I ended up pushing away everyone I cared about too.

Instead I raise my head back up and look at her, my eyes centered on hers. 'There is only one other person that knows what I do, but she's the reason I'm here; why I'm empty'.

'You love her'. Hanna doesn't have to ask, she can see it written all over my face.

I nod and blink back the tears gathering in my eyes, determined to finish before I break down again. 'I was broken for so long, but being with her made me feel whole again. For that brief, shining moment, my life had meaning again; but she doesn't love me. She's been in love with someone else for many years, someone who she could have a real future with'.

'You pushed her away'. Hanna sounds upset with my decision.

I swallow hard, feeling my control slipping. 'Shes an amazing woman and deserves to be happy, to have a chance at being with the person she loves'. I pause and breath deeply for a few seconds, swiping away the tear that manages to escape. 'I knew the sight of her walking away from me would kill me, so I left first.'

'How do you know she would choose this girl over you? You're pretty great you know'. Hanna looks at me with genuine affection, her hand stroking my cheek.

I smile gently at her words, loving Hanna for saying them. 'Thank you skittles, you always know how to make a girl feel better'.

Hanna smiles at me and shakes her head. 'I mean it Paige, you're worth ten times as much as any other girl. This woman must be crazy not to choose you'.

I sigh deeply, my heart heavy. 'Spencer is many things, but shes definitely not crazy'.

Hanna looks confused for a second, then sits bolt upright in surprise. 'Spencer? As in Spencer Hastings Spencer?'

I sit up as well and nod my head, feeling too raw to speak.

Hanna looks thoughtful, her eyes shining with the new information. 'You're in love with Spencer' .

I nod again, the words a knife to my chest.

'Then you have to fight for her Paige! You can't just let her go, you need to prove to her how much better than this other girl you are!' Hanna's words are emphatic, her eyes burning into mine.

I flop onto my back and push my fingers through my hair, the heels of my hands rubbing at my temples to try and ease the pounding in them. 'I can't. It's just not that simple'.

Hanna leans over me, her brows furrowed. 'Why are you so ready to give up on her Paige? Why are you so willing to let this other woman have your happiness, to have Spencer?'

My eyes slide to the door leading out to the living room and I see Hanna's follow. 'Because the other woman is Emily'.


	15. Chapter 15

**I love reviews, they are my life blood! Please do tell me what you think, I love hearing from you!**

**Slightly shorter chapter, but never fear, another one will be coming soon! I hope you like.**

**Catlover10808: Let's see what Hanna can do...**

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**theorangegirlx: Thank you for your kind words, more is on the way**

**ellie813: I'm glad you love the story, and I apologize for making you sad. I love Hanna on the show, she is such a brilliant character and really wanted to show the bond between her and Paige. **

**Chapter 15**

'Holy shit on a brick, that's fucking insane!'

Not the most elegant statement to ever escape Hanna's lips, but also fairly accurate of my predicament. She switches on the bedside table and sits up, her face registering her surprise.

I stare up at the ceiling in silence, my eyes slowly leaking tears that run down my cheekbones into my hair line. Hanna notices my tears and lays back down next to me to wrap her arms around me, kissing the tears from the side of my face. 'Oh honey, I'm so sorry'.

I squeeze my eyes shut against the ache in my chest, wishing I could switch my emotions off like a tap. I loved Emily for so long, so deeply and so completely that I understand what Spencer is feeling for her; but now I feel the same way about Spencer. It's ironic, the two women I have had feelings for, destined to be with each other instead of me. I guess karma really does come around to bite you in the ass.

'How do you feel about Emily now?' Hanna speaks softly, her words hesitant.

'I love her, I always will. But I'm no longer IN love with her'. I wet my dry lips with my tongue, feeling relieved to be able to finally talk about it all. 'It's taken three long years and a lot of pain, but I have accepted that Emily and I were just not meant to be. Emily was my first love and she will always be special to me, but the strength of my feelings for Spencer proves that I am no longer in love with Emily. I'm a one woman woman, and the woman my heart beats for now, is Spencer'.

'Does Spencer know how you feel about her?' I open my eyes and turn my head to look at Hanna, her face full of sympathy for me.

I shake my head, my voice sounding small in the room. 'I couldn't. It wouldn't be fair on her. I've hurt her so much already, I couldn't heap unrequited love on her shoulders too'.

'Oh Paige, you need to stop putting everyone elses feelings before your own. You're too damn noble for your own gooohhhhhhhhhh!' Hanna's eyes suddenly widen and she shuffles about on the bed searching for something, her hands rummaging under the covers.

She finally finds whatever it is she was looking for, her hand emerging from the covers with my cell phone. She looks at it in surprise then turns her gaze on me. 'I assume this is yours?'

I nod guiltily, the memory of Spencer's voice as she says her last goodbye ringing in my ears. 'I er...there were some messages from Spencer. I wanted to listen to them...' I can feel myself beginning to get upset again and pause until I feel more in control again. 'I left her without saying goodbye. She was upset'.

Hanna rubs my arm. 'If it's one thing Spencer Hastings can't abide, its bad manners'.

Her words force a chuckle out of me, albeit a small one. 'Yeah, and my manners were terrible'.

'Was she horrible?' Hanna speaks quietly, but I can tell she thinks Spencer said some pretty mean things to get me in the state she found me in not too long ago.

'She wasn't mean, just disappointed'.

Hanna whistles through her teeth. 'Spencer's disappointment can hurt more than her fists'.

'I dunno, her fists are pretty hard'. I rub my jaw in memory.

Hanna gapes at me in surprise. 'She never!'

'It was a doozy too, but she did kiss me first'. The memory makes me grin ruefully despite my heartache, remembering how she caught me off guard.

'Spencer kissed you? Oh my god, how did you not lead with that bit of information! How was it? Tell me EVERYTHING!' Hanna sits up and goes into immediate gossip mode, her face lighting up with the chance of an exclusive scoop.

I groan and try to pull the covers over my face but Hanna grabs them to stop me. 'This isn't The View Hanna, you can't just interview me about my love life! What happened was...complicated, and messed up'.

Hanna lets go of the covers, her face losing its exuberance at my words. 'I'm sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away, but you...and Spencer...kissing. That's pretty big'. She places her hand back on my arm and strokes my skin, her touch comforting. 'So how do you feel about kissing her?'

I sit up and lean back against the headboard, suddenly feeling shy. 'We, er...we did slightly more than just kiss'.

Hanna frowns at my evasiveness. 'How much more?'

I feel myself start to blush, but I still look at her pointedly as I raise my eyebrows. Hanna looks at me with a blank expression for a few seconds, but then I see it click in her head. 'Oh. OH!' She looks shocked but then grins, a sly look on her face. 'You two totally had sex! Well hot damn Paige, good on you!'

Her enthusiasm makes me smile wryly, but the memories of that night are still too fresh to be anything but painful for me. 'It wasn't planned but it happened, and it was so...' Hanna nods her head for me to go on. '…...right'.

I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, hugging them to my body as I rest my chin on my knees. I sigh as I picture that night with Spencer, a night I will never forget. 'Being with Spencer made me feel so alive, like she somehow managed to reach inside of me and fix all the parts that were broken'.

I feel tears start to leak out of my eyes again but make no move to wipe them away, my focus on the past. 'Feeling her in my arms, seeing that look in her eyes, and hearing her say she wanted me; it was everything I didn't realize I had been craving, and for those few hours it was like the world outside disappeared, leaving only us in each others embrace'.

'What happened?' Hanna speaks quietly, apologetically.

'As she was falling asleep Spencer made a comment, about how she now understood why Emily always had a smile on her face whenever she talked about me. It jolted me out of my daze and made me remember who Spencer really wanted to be with'. The memory hurts just as much as it did at the time, the pain of being second choice flaring in my chest.

'So you left'. Hanna finishes my story for me, guessing the ending.

I nod minutely, tears sliding down my cheeks to dampen the material covering my knees. 'I left before she woke up, just packed a bag and got in the car. I had no destination in mind apart from 'away' but I found myself driving here, to you'.

'Poor Spencer'. My eyes flick up to Hanna's at her words. 'Don't give me that look, I'm still firmly Team Paige; but it can't of been nice for her to wake up to you just gone'.

I nod in agreement, knowing it was a shitty thing to do. 'I left a note'.

Hanna sits back against the headboard and puts her arm around me, resting her head on my shoulder. 'What did it say?'

'I don't really remember. I wrote it in a hurry, and through a fair amount of tears'. I frown as I try to think back to the early hours of this morning. 'I know I thanked her for her forgiveness, and told her she should go to Emily, to tell her how she feels; but the rest is just a blur'.

Hanna looks at the phone in her hand, the light indicating I have a message flashing away. 'You listened to all her messages before I got here, which means the vibration I felt was this new one?' She hold's the phone up to show me Spencer's name above the message.

My eyes fixate on her name, knowing it is a response to my last message. 'She begged me to let her know I was ok, that I was safe. I sent her a message telling her I was. I also told her goodbye'.

Hanna hands me the phone and speaks softly. 'It looks like she has something left to say'.

I stare down at the phone, my thoughts rushing with what the message might contain. 'Spencer did always like to have the last word in a conversation'.

Hanna giggles in agreement and bumps my shoulder with hers. 'Stop trying to use your X-ray vision to look through the phone and just open the damn message, you're driving us both nuts'.

'Superman had the X-ray vision, not Batman'. I say the words distractedly as I press the button to open the message, the phone springing to respond.

22:48: _I understand your reasons for leaving so there is nothing to be forgiven for, but I wish you'd stayed and talked to me instead of disappearing while I was in a sex coma! You helped me in ways I didn't even know I needed helping in, and you have shown me a way back to love, so thank you. I have every intention of getting my girl Paige, I can promise you that. Until we meet again xxx_

I read the message several times, my eyes lingering over certain words as I try and decipher any hidden meaning behind them. It isn't until Hanna whistles lowly that I notice she is reading the message too. 'A sex coma? You managed to put Spencer Hastings in a sex coma? Are all lesbians great in bed or did you take lessons?!'

I roll my eyes at her. 'I took an online course and got a diploma, what do you think Hanna? I got good with practice; lots and lots of practice'.

Hanna shoves me playfully, seeming glad that I didn't immediately burst into tears again. 'So it seems! I've never had anyone put me in a sex coma, though there was that instance where I passed out while riding cowgirl on top of...'

I slap my hands over my ears, knowing Hanna is about to over share again. 'Ahhh! I don't want to hear about your sexploits Hanna! How many times do I have to tell you!'

Hanna laughs at my look of horror and peels my hands away from my ears. 'No fair, I wasn't even going to mention how he was hung like donkey either'.

'Hanna! Please no more penis talk!'

'So we can talk about your sex life but not mine?' Hanna sighs dramatically. 'I don't think that's very fair now, do you?'

'I don't have a sex life for us to talk about. I haven't slept with anyone in three years, Spencer is the only exception'.

Hanna's eyes bug out a little bit, her eyes widening. 'Three years? You mean there's been no one since you left Rosewood? Emily has been your only...?'

I shake my head regretfully. 'There were others, quite a few in fact'.

I still feel slightly disloyal to Emily, like what I did was somehow cheating despite her breaking up with me months before. 'After I left Rosewood I spent a few months trying to put Emily out of my head by getting naked with other women, figuring one of them might distract me enough to stop hurting; so I had a pretty torrid time with a string of faceless, nameless women I picked up in random bars. It never worked though and it actually started to make me feel worse so I stopped, cold turkey. No more one night stands, and no more solo efforts either'.

'Nothing at all?!' Hanna looks slightly horrified at the thought.

I shrug. 'My mind would wander to Emily each time I did, so I put a ban on that too. After a while my libido disappeared completely, and I gradually forgot what passion felt like. That all changed when Spencer appeared in my life again'.

'How DID you and Spencer meet up?' If Hanna was a cat then the curiosity would be killing her right now.

'That is Spencer's story to tell, not mine'. I'm not going to give up Spencer on her crime fighting activities, even to Hanna.

'But she knows you kick bad guy butt, and I take it she's seen this'. Hanna places her hand over my stomach gently, as if the wounds are still painful.

I place my hand over Hanna's and sigh, the memory of Spencer looking at my scarred body with lust in her eyes so bright in my mind. 'Yeah, she saw. She understands why I do what I do, and she is ok with it'.

'So what are you going to do now?' Hanna interlocks our fingers, squeezing my fingers gently.

'Right now I'm going to cuddle up in my best friends arms and hope for no nightmares tonight, because I am bone shatteringly tired'. I wriggle down in the bed and Hanna follows suit, laying on her back as I roll onto my side, my head slotting into the crook of her shoulder.

Hanna wraps her arms around me and pulls me tight against her, dropping a light kiss into my hair. 'What about tomorrow?'

I close my eyes and inhale Hanna's scent, her perfume reminding me of the countless nights I slept wrapped in her embrace, keeping my demons at bay while I slept. 'Do you have plans with Emily tomorrow?'

'Nope. She is going to some arty farty shindig thing for her college, it's the real reason she's in New York. They offered to put her up in a hotel but she opted to stay here because she wanted the opportunity to get some free advice about her girl'.

I nod in understanding. 'Are you meant to be working then?'

Hanna chuckles as she gets the gist of what I'm asking. 'I don't have to...'

'Good, then tomorrow we're playing tourist. I've never been to New York before, so you have to be my tour guide. I want to see everything, all the delights NYC has to offer. I just want to let my hair down and pretend for a whole day that I'm nothing more than another sight seer here to enjoy the big apple'.

I can hear the smile in Hanna's voice when she talks, her hand returning to stroke my hair. 'That sounds like a good plan sweetie, I know exactly what we should do'.

I snuggle into her further, letting out a massive yawn. 'You better knock my socks off Skittles, I have high expectations for this town'.

'Don't worry, if there is one thing us Marins know, its how to have a good time'. Hanna reaches over and switches the bedside lamp off, the room once again bathed in darkness.

The room is silent for a few minutes and I am almost asleep when I hear Hanna call my name.

'Hmmm?'

Hanna doesn't reply immediately so I start to drift off again, the lure of oblivion drawing me in.

'What are you going to do after tomorrow?' I feel Hanna's chest rumble as she speaks, the vibration bringing me out of my daze.

I open my eyes and stare into the darkness of the room, contemplating my answer. 'I guess I'll just pick a new town and spend the next three years fighting the good fight while trying to get over Spencer'.

'You could pick here you know, fight the good fight in New York City'.

I raise my head and look at Hanna through the darkness, seeing her eyes staring at the ceiling. 'Here, with you?'

Hanna nods silently, knowing my eyes are on her. 'I've got that spare room going to waste and there is plenty of crime here, plus I don't think Peter Parker has been bitten by a radioactive spider yet so there is an opening for a vigilante'.

'There is no way Caleb would of managed to get you to _two_ superhero movies against your will. You, Hanna Marin, are a sneaky geek.' I tease her gently and see her lips quirk in a smile, though she tries to keep a straight face.

'Thank you for the offer. It means a lot'. I snuggle back into her side, the thought of living with her tempting me beyond measure.

'You'll at least think about it?' Her voice has such cautious hope in it that I can't quash it flat out, even though I know it wouldn't be good for her.

Instead I lean up to kiss her cheek and press my forehead against the side of her head. 'I'll think about it, I promise'.

Hanna beams at me, her smile radiant even in the near darkness. I settle back down in her arms and place my hand over her heart, the steady rhythm filtering through my body. I close my eyes and concentrate on the thump against my palm, letting all of my worries slip away bit by bit with the beat of her heart.

After a while I feel myself start to drift off, my mind beginning to drift into unconsciousness. My last coherent thought is of Spencer, and I hear myself whispering into the silent room. 'You have my heart Spencer. Always'.


	16. Chapter 16

**Your reviews are awesome, please keep them coming!**

**A little Paily talk, and a little bit more back story. I hope you like...**

**Chapter 16**

The first thing I notice is that its morning.

The lack of black out blinds is apparent, the light creeping through the curtains alerting me to the approaching day. It is still early, around six I'm guessing, but it means I've just had the most uninterrupted nights sleep (without the aid of medication or alcohol) since I last shared a bed with Hanna three years ago.

The second thing I notice is the mop of blonde hair my nose is buried in. During the night Hanna has wriggled so I am now cuddled into her back, a reversal of our usual final sleeping positions. Back in Rosewood Hanna was always the big spoon, her arms wrapped around me to keep my demons at bay while I slept.

Maybe my confession to Spencer and then Hanna really did help unburden me; or maybe the combination of stress and lack of any real sleep in the weeks leading up to my final encounter with Spencer, and the subsequent erotic activities, took it out of me so much that just having someone next to me was enough to chase my demons away for the night.

Whatever the reason, I feel a sense of calm where my constant companion of self loathing normally resides. I roll away from Hanna carefully and slip out of the bed. Hanna is a notoriously late riser and definitely NOT a morning person, and waking the beast before she needs to be woken is more dangerous than fighting a group of gang bangers; something I found out early in our brief spell of living together.

I exit the room quietly and close the door behind me, my full nights sleep filling me with enough renewed energy that I decide to get an early workout in; figuring I won't get the opportunity once Hanna and Emily are awake.

I decide to skip cardio as I don't want to wake anyone with my jumping about and focus on strength; running through my repertoire of sit ups, push ups (one arm and two), squats, ab crunches and lunges. I am forty five minutes into my set, sweat now freely covering my frame and my breath starting to become labored when I feel someone watching me, so I pause mid press up to swivel my head.

Emily is leaning quietly in the doorway of her room, her eyes on me, watching intently. She is still clad in her sleepwear; a strappy top and short shorts, looking gorgeous with sleep tussled hair. I raise myself slowly until my arms are extended to finish the press up before gathering my feet under my body and standing up.

'Sorry, I was trying to be quiet. I didn't mean to wake anyone'. I speak quietly, not wanting to wake Hanna if she is still sleeping.

'It's ok, you didn't wake me'. Emily's eyes rake over my frame and I feel a shiver go through me, for the look in her eye is one I never expected to see again. Lust.

Emily is looking at me with hunger in her eyes, and she doesn't seem like she is trying to hide it much.

'Oh'. I feel awkward standing in the middle of the living room with only shorts and a vest top on, sweat trickling down my neck while my ex girlfriend looks like she wants to pounce on me; the silence weighted with the look in her eyes.

There was a time, not so long ago, when I would of given just about anything to have Emily look at me this way again, to know that I could still inspire passion within her; but not anymore. Things have changed drastically, and now I just feel uncomfortable under her scrutiny, like I want to cross my arms over my chest and turn from her gaze.

I decide to ignore the look, choosing to try and create a friendly conversation instead. 'So what are you doing up this early?'

I speak casually as I walk towards the kitchen, putting some distance between us and breaking the lock Emily's eyes have on me. I open cupboards until I find all the items necessary for a simple breakfast; cereal, milk, bowl, spoon; and lay them on the counter. I don't normally drink coffee but I know Hanna is a fiend for it in the morning _just like Spencer _so I set up the coffee machine to start brewing a fresh pot, trying to ignore the fact that Emily has followed me into the kitchen and is watching my every movement.

I wish I'd remembered to bring a hoodie out of the bedroom with me because I could really do with an extra layer of protection; both from the sweat beginning to chill against my skin, and the over familiar brown eyes on it. Once I can't potter any longer I finally turn and face Emily again, my mouth full of cereal. I raise my eyebrows at her, indicating I am awaiting a response to my question.

Emily walks into the kitchen and starts gathering materials for her own breakfast, seemingly oblivious to the number of times she 'accidentally' brushes past me in the small room. 'I'm attending a conference today'.

'Oh yeah, Hanna mentioned it last night'. Each time Emily's body touches mine I have to fight the urge to move away, knowing that she would be hurt by the reaction. Instead I casually sit down at the table and focus on eating, my eyes glued to the contents of my bowl.

'How did you sleep?' Emily moves to sit on the opposite side of the table to me, her legs brushing against mine under the table as she settles.

I swallow the last of my cereal as quickly as I can without choking and get up to place the bowl in the sink. 'Good thanks, yeah. I always sleep well with Hanna next to me, she's like a human shaped security blanket'.

Emily cocks her head at me, her eyes trying to get a lock on mine. 'You used to sleep well with me too'.

I silently pray that Hanna will magically smell the coffee starting to brew and come shuffling into the kitchen to save me from this awkwardness, her grumpiness smashing through the tension in the room like a bowling ball. Unsurprisingly the door to Hanna's bedroom remains firmly shut, my blonde blanket still in the land of nod.

Seeing as I'm fending for myself I answer her honestly. 'I always sleep well next to people I trust, and I trusted you implicitly back then'.

'Back then?' The tone of her voice tells me she is not happy as she stands from the table. 'You don't trust me now?'

I sigh, knowing I could of worded that better. 'I haven't seen or even spoken to you in three years Emily, I really don't know you anymore'.

Emily approaches me and lays a hand on my bare upper arm, her thumb stroking against my bicep. 'You still know me, I haven't changed'.

I look down at her hand and think how much I used to crave her touch, her caress. I used to do just about anything to feel her against my skin, my body yearning for hers every second it wasn't near me. Now all I feel is sadness that her hand isn't Spencer's. 'You have changed Emily, we all have. Three years is a long time and our experiences are constantly changing us, in good ways and bad. It happens slowly so you don't really notice, but for someone that hasn't seen you in a long time, those changes can be astounding'.

'You've always had a poetic soul'. Emily smiles at me, her face full of warmth.

'I used to be a naïve teenager who believed love could conquer all. That Paige ceased to exist a long time ago'. I smile wryly at her, the Paige from high school seeming an innocent child compared to the jaded woman I am now.

Emily loses her smile, her eyes seeming to see _me, _rather than the Paige she used to know, for the first time. She drops her hand from my arm and steps away, finally giving me some breathing room. 'You really have changed haven't you. You used to be so open, so warm, but now you're completely closed off; guarded and cynical.'

I cross my arms over my chest, my eyes finally meeting hers. 'How did you feel after you stabbed Lyndon?'

Emily can't hold my eyes and looks away, her voice full of hurt. 'I...I had no choice. It was him or me'.

I see a tear track down Emily's cheek and feel horrible for bringing that bastard up, knowing her heart is too fragile to have to live with that. Without thinking about it I open my arms and wrap then around her, pulling her against my chest. Emily eagerly presses into my body, her head tucked under my chin. I don't want to dredge up the past for her, knowing it still hurts; but I also need her to see things from my point of view.

My voice is softer than before, telling her that I don't blame her. 'He deserved to die Emily, he killed Maya and he was going to kill the both of us; but that doesn't make living with the guilt of taking his life any easier does it?'

Emily shakes her head against my body, her arms tight around my waist.

'I went snooping into A's lair with the wide eyed optimism that I could make everything better by revealing A's identity. I thought that if I was the one to end the nightmare you and the others had been living in then everything would go back to normal, and that you might be able to love me again. My stupidity resulted in me killing _two_ people, and two others losing their lives because I couldn't save them in time. Living with that guilt every day is a struggle, one that has changed me into a very different person to the one you used to know'.

Emily sniffles against me, her voice thick with her emotions. 'I still dream about that night; about what I said to you'.

I place a kiss on her hair, the scent of her shampoo still the same as it ever was. 'It's ok'.

Emily pulls away from me enough so that she can look up at me, her eyes shining with tears. 'I don't blame you Paige, I don't think I ever really did. I was just so scared when I found out you were hurt, thinking that A had tried to kill you because of me. It brought back all the memories of that night, the threats Lyndon made about hurting you because I took Maya away from him'.

She places her head back against my chest so she can hear my heart beating beneath her ear, and I feel my shirt get damp as her tears leak into the thin material. 'I tried to see you immediately but the doctors wouldn't let me because I wasn't family, so I sat in the waiting room for hours, my heart beating out of my chest with so many emotions. Just before I was allowed to see you I overheard one of the detectives talking to your mother, asking her why you had voluntarily gone there; that a key to the building where they found you was in your possession'.

Emily's words are muffled but her distress is obvious. 'I realized you went there intentionally, that you went against your word, again; and I stopped being upset, instead I started to get angry. Angry that you had put yourself in danger, angry that I hadn't been able to talk you out of it, and just anger at the whole situation. Unfortunately it was at that moment the nurse let me in to see you, and well...you were there for the rest'.

I nod silently, remembering back to that night in the hospital.

_**Three years previously**_

_My world had been a blur of different faces rushing about since I woke up; the sea of doctors and nurses examining me all running together thanks to the morphine pumping into my arm via the intravenous drip next to the bed. The bullet had lodged into my shoulder bone, damaging the surrounding muscle quite heavily and leaving me unable to move my arm without a sizable amount of pain. It was heavily strapped now, the morphine dulling the pain to an almost manageable level. _

_My parents had been the first people allowed to see me once I was deemed stable enough to receive visitors, their grief painted faces pale and haggard as they stared at me. My father had been the first to talk to, or more accurately, chastise me. He had launched into a full on tirade, for hours it seemed, about how my behavior was unacceptable and 'not befitting the McCullers name'. Both Emily and Spencer was slandered during his outburst, their whole family being torn to shreds as part of his exercise in discipline. I was told that I would be confined to the house as soon as I was discharged from the hospital and that I was never to see any of the girls ever again. His actual words were 'no daughter of mine will fraternize with trash like those filthy harlots!' He also informed me that I would be shipped to boarding school to finish my education until it was time for college. _

_Once my father had run out of wind he stopped and looked at me with the expectation of my capitulation, his ego demanding that I bow to his superior dominance at once. I ached all over, my body seeming to radiate pain from every pore, but I dug deep and found the energy within me to pull myself upright in the bed. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and started to remove the various wires attached to my body, dropping then to the bed in a tangle. _

_My mother immediately jumped forward to try and stop me, her face full of worry. 'Paige! Stop it, you're going to hurt yourself! What are you doing?' _

_I paused to look at her. 'Do you feel as he does?' I refuse to call him dad, because his actions are not befitting of that honor. _

_My mother looks at me, then my father, her eyes showing she is torn in her loyalties. It is all the answer I need so I continue ripping the wires off my body. 'From this moment on you no longer have to worry about me, because I am no longer your daughter'. _

_My mothers face becomes panicked, her eyes like saucers in her head. 'No, Paige please! Just let us talk about this!' _

_I shrug her hands off and carefully remove my IV, knowing that I could do damage if I just yank it out. 'I am seventeen, I can legally emancipate myself from you and be declared an adult'. I look my father in the eye, his face registering shock at my defiance. 'You have no daughter to be ashamed of any longer'. _

_'Its no wonder you ran head long into trouble and got yourself shot over some air headed little twit, you're acting like a complete fool!' My father sneers as he towers over me, his tone filled with condescending spite._

_Seeing it is my left shoulder swaddled in bandages I am still able to punch my father straight in the face with my favored hand, lashing out with every bit of strength left in my body. My father staggers back two paces, his hand clasped over his now bloody nose and looks stunned that I dared lay a hand on him, his eyes staring at me with incredibility. _

_I push myself to my feet, holding on to the edge of the bed as my legs almost give out under me. I fix my eyes on the dazed man in front of me, snarling at him in anger. 'Don't you **ever** speak to me like that again'._

_My mum is in near hysterics, tears welling in her eyes. 'Please stop it, the pair of you!' _

_My father's eyes burn into mine, trying to force me into looking away first. 'You're a child, a weak stupid child. You have no idea what you're going on about, and no way of supporting yourself. Where are you planning to go? I doubt Emily will take you in, you're not even dating any more for Christ's sake!'_

_I hold his gaze steadily, the venom I feel for him shining through. 'I don't care where I go, I'd rather live in the gutter than under your roof for another second'. _

_He takes a step towards me, his face almost purple with rage. 'You insolent little...'_

_'Be careful **Nick**, I've already killed two men today. You wouldn't want me to add a third to my list now, would you?' I smile sweetly at him, the innocent look at odds with the hatred in my eyes._

_I see him hesitate and I feel relieved, the threat in my voice had been real but rash. I want to hurt him for what he has said, but I know I'll regret it later; and I honestly think that punch took the last of my strength so probably couldn't even pick up a fly right now, let alone take down an almost 200lb man. _

_'Paige, I'm sorry about your father; he's just a little emotional right now'. My mother, ever the peacekeeper, tries to calm things down. 'We're all emotional right now, and I think we need a breather. Nothing needs to be decided right now, we can discuss it more in a little while'. _

_I shake my head at her, though my eyes stay on my father. 'I'm not going back to that house, that's final'._

_My mum places her hand tentatively on my arm, and when I don't immediately push her away she smiles. 'We'll find you a flat then, somewhere in Rosewood where you can stay and recuperate'. _

_'We will NOT help this stupid girl with one single penny!' My father starts to build up a head of steam again, but is silenced as my mother suddenly turns on him._

_'YOU!' She raises her voice at him, the loudest I have ever heard her speak to anyone, ever. 'YOU can shut your mouth. She is **my** daughter too, and you are NOT going to drive her away! If she doesn't want to live with us then I will find her a flat god damn it, and you will have NO say in the matter!' _

_Both my father and I stare at her in amazement, the meek woman I have known all my life replaced with a ferocious lioness protecting her cub. She is radiating anger, maybe from all the years she has bowed to my fathers demands, her face daring him to argue with her. My father may be stubborn and pigheaded, but he is not stupid. He recognizes the warning and heeds it, storming out of the room in a huff. _

_As soon as he is gone I relax, relief flooding my body and leaving me weak as a kitten. Once the door has closed my mother turns back to me, her face softening instantly when she sees just how close to collapse I really am. 'Lets get you back into bed now sweetie, you look as white as a sheet'. _

_I nod at her, the strength needed to answer not within my body at this moment and let her help me back onto the bed after she brushes the wires onto the floor, my eyes fluttering closed almost instantly. My mum strokes back the hair that has fallen into my face and places a light kiss on my forehead, her lips whispering against my skin. 'I'm so sorry I didn't stand up to him sooner my darling, I've been so weak'. _

_I open my eyes and look at her, a small smile touching my lips. 'It's ok'. My voice is barely audible and shaking like a leaf, but I can see she hears me. 'You stood up to him now, that's what counts'._

_She grasps my hand between both on hers and squeezes gently. 'I'll make sure a flat is ready by the time you're discharged, and I'll have your stuff packed and moved so you don't need to come back to the house'._

_I squeeze her hand back as hard as I can, which is not very hard at all in my current condition and feel love for this quiet woman fill my heart. 'I love you mum'. _

_A tear slips down her cheek and is quickly brushed away, her emotions betraying the calm poise she has. 'I love you too my darling. You get some rest now ok'. _

_With a final quick kiss she leaves me to rest, the swish of the door as she exits lost to me as unconsciousness drags me under._

_I awake an untold time later, my head still groggy from the morphine lingering in my system. I want to groan with frustration at how heavy my body feels, the ache in my muscles going so deep it feels like I will never feel anything else ever again. _

_My skin suddenly prickles and I get the sensation of being watched, my head turning to scan the room. I find Emily standing just inside the door and push myself into a sitting position in surprise. _

_She looks incredible, the most beautiful sight possible for my rather sore eyes, but I can immediately tell she is not happy to see me. Her arms are crossed over her chest in a defensive pose and there is a heavy scowl on her face. Her eyes are staring at me as if she is trying to read my thoughts, a look of determination in them as they probe. _

_Despite her obvious mood I rejoice at the sight of her. I had been convinced I would never get to gaze upon her beautiful face ever again, believing I was going to die at the hands of Jason; so to see her here is nothing short of a miracle, one I am not going to waste a second of. _

_'You look beautiful'.The words leave my mouth without thinking, my thoughts turned audible without my consent._

_The scowl on Emily's face deepens and she shakes her head, in refusal of my words or denial I can't tell, but she doesn't acknowledge them. Instead she says what is on her mind, her words coming out full of resentment. 'Paige...what have you done?' _

_Her tone tone shocks me, the vehemence turning her normally honey coated voice into a harsh chastisement, not unlike the one my father used not so long ago. _

_'I...What do you mean?' Is she referring to the row with my father? My head starts to hurt again, my brain feeling like it is made of mush. Everything is still a bit messed up in my mind, the result of a concussion where my head bounced off the concrete floor I'm told, and I wonder if Emily and I have had a conversation I can't remember. _

_Emily stalks over to the bed, her eyes blazing with an anger I have never seen in her before. 'You know EXACTLY what I mean! How dare you. How dare you do this to me Paige!'_

_I recoil from Emily in confusion, the suddenness of her outburst catching me off guard. 'Emily I...I don't know what you're talking about! Please, stop yelling and just talk to me, I'm sure we can work this out'._

_'Work this out?! Ha!' Emily give s a bitter laugh, the sound cutting into me like knives. 'There is nothing to work out Paige, we're over, done. I can't believe I worried myself sick over you, only to find out you brought it all on yourself'. _

_'What...' _

_Emily talks over me, exerting her authority on the conversation. 'This is all because of you. YOU deliberately went there, you even had a god damn key to get in! It's your fault. Mona and Toby were alive just before you arrived. The police said Jason and Mr. Hastings must of seen you enter the house and killed them so they couldn't identify the pair of them as A. They are dead because of YOU. You stupid idiot!'_

_Her words, so similar in vein to my fathers, hit me with the force of a ton of bricks and stun me with their brutality. The images of Mona and Toby's lifeless bodies are startlingly clear in my mind, the smell of their blood pervading my senses. Tears form in my eyes as the pain I feel nearly overwhelms me, Emily's words carving the guilt of their deaths onto my soul. _

_'I...I didn't mean...' I stammer my words, the crushing weight of responsibility choking my voice._

_'Spencer collapsed when she was told about Toby, did you know that?' Emily is relentless, her words driving deeper and deeper into my crushed heart as her eyes shine with the disgust she feels for me. 'She's the reason you're alive, she called the police when you failed to call her on time; yet you're the reason the person she loves is **dead**'._

_Knowing that I have caused such pain for someone I have grown to know and care deeply about, that Spencer is in turmoil because I couldn't save Toby, shatters me; my heart disintegrating into a million pieces within my chest. _

_'Mona's parents...'_

_'Get out'. My words stop Emily mid sentence, the suddenly strong voice bringing her out of her rant. _

_'What did you just say to me?' Her eyes blaze at me with ire, challenging me with the righteous anger of the wronged. _

_I look directly into her eyes as I speak, my words flat and emotionless. 'Are you deaf ? I said **get out. Now**'. _

_'You have no right to talk to me like that'. Emily looks at me with offense written all over her face._

_I grit my teeth, the anger building inside me now directed at her. 'Get the hell out of this room Emily, or I'll get out of this bed and kick you out myself'._

_Emily folds her arms over her chest, her face clearly telling me she doesn't believe I can carry out the threat in my current condition. The look is so haughty, so reminiscent of my father, that it makes me see red. _

_I tear the sheets back and nearly leap out of bed, the adrenaline surge from my anger overriding my pain and making me able to grab a startled Emily roughly by the arm. I don't hesitate and yank her to the doorway, pushing it open by shoving her forcibly through it. Emily stumbles and nearly trips, her face covered with shock at my actions. I hold the door open and address her in the same tone, my words leaving no room for argument. 'Do yourself a favor Emily and never visit me again, because next time I won't be so polite'. _

_I let the door swing closed and flick the switch on the handle to make sure she can't come back in. Once it's locked I lean back against it, letting out my breath in a long sigh of turmoil. _

_All of a sudden the adrenaline that was making my body forget its pain wears off, making it feel like someone is pouring lead into my veins. The emotional pain I'm in combines with my physical pain to overwhelm my small frame, leaving me unable to stand under it all. My legs give out and I slide down the door until I hit the floor, curling up into a ball as tears begin in earnest, the floodgates opening as I give in to the pain. _

'I'm so sorry Paige, you didn't deserve what I said to you'.

I'm brought out of my revive by Emily's soft words of regret, her voice filled with shame. 'I know nothing can ever take those words back, but I hope you can forgive me some day'.

'You have nothing to be forgiven for, you were completely right. I _was_ reckless and impulsive, and my actions lead to two people dying. I deserved your condemnation'. Despite Spencer's forgiven, I will always hold myself accountable for what happened that night.

'No, Paige!' Emily pulls away and looks at me. 'You are not the one to blame, Jason and Mr. Hastings are. You were only trying to help, and almost died yourself!'

I see Emily's lip start to tremble, a sure sign she is about to cry again. Before any tears can escape her eyes she launches herself at me; and for the first time in over three years I find my lips covered by the full and sensual lips of Emily Fields.


	17. Chapter 17

**Thank you everyone for your continued support, it really is amazing. **

**I also want to thank everyone who is reading this. Whether you comment or not, just knowing you are reading is enough to make me feel awesome. **

**I am currently on two weeks leave so will hopefully find a bit more time to write, though please bear in mind my wife's due date is in five weeks, and our first son arrived three weeks early! **

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**Whoopsidaises: I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far, please let me know what you think of the rest. **

**Chapter 17**

I blink in amazement, Emily's sudden movement taking me completely by surprise.

Emily's hands are cupping my face, her lips moving eagerly across mine in an attempt to deepen the kiss. I feel her tongue swipe across my bottom lip, seeking entry into my mouth.

I snap out of my stupor and place my hands on Emily's shoulders, pushing her gently backwards to part our lips. Emily protests for a moment but then seems to realize what she is doing and opens her eyes, embarrassment flooding her face. 'Oh my god, I'm so sorry!'

Emily covers her mouth with her hands, her eyes wide and shocked at her actions. She stares at me as if I am about to rip into her, berating her for such a presumptuous act. Instead I smile softly, my eyes full of affection for her. 'I can't say I was expecting that reaction, but it's definitely an effective way of saying sorry'.

Emily immediately looks relieved, and curious. 'So you're not mad? You liked kissing me?'

I remove my hands from her shoulders, knowing that it could be construed the wrong way and fold them behind me to lean back against the counter, trying to adopt a relaxed pose. 'Well you kissed me rather than the other way around, and your kisses are not exactly a burden to bear; but it shouldn't happen again'.

Emily looks disappointed at my answer, the pout she used to use on me when she wanted to get her own way making an appearance to try and sway me. 'Why? You said you didn't mind'.

'That's not exactly true, but that's beside the point. We have been over for a long time Emily and we've both moved on; you have a girlfriend now'.

Emily ignores the girlfriend portion of my statement, choosing instead to focus on the first part. 'Do you have someone now? Is that why you stopped me?'

I sigh at the question, wishing it wasn't so complicated to answer. 'I'm not in a relationship or with anyone, but there _is_ someone else in my heart now'. I feel bad about hurting her, but I have to be completely honest. Spencer is in love with Emily, and I will not harm her chances of being with her by letting Emily think I am still in to her.

'I will always care for you Emily, but we can never be together again like we once were'. Emily had looked down when I said I had feelings for someone else, and she is refusing to make eye contact now.

'You said you would always love me'. Her voice is so small I barely hear the words, but they hurt all the same.

'And you said you would always be my friend. I guess we both made promises we couldn't keep'.

Emily looks up at me with her mouth open, my words wounding her just as much as hers did to me. She stares at me for a few seconds in hurt disbelief before turning on her heel and walking out of the kitchen, the door slamming back into its frame with an almighty crash.

I sit back down and rest my head on my folded arms on the table, the calm I had experienced when I woke up now transformed back into misery again.

My sensitive ears pick up the sound of Hanna's door opening a few seconds later, and the sounds of a sleepy blonde stumbling her way across the apartment filter through to me. I lift my head as the door opens, the disheveled mop of blonde hair peeking round its edge. Hanna looks round the small kitchen like she expects to find Emily stuffed into a cupboard somewhere, her eyes returning to mine in question once they finish their search.

'Looooooooooooong story; coffees on'. Hanna accepts my noncommittal answer and enters the room, pausing to give me a kiss on the cheek on her way to the percolator.

She grabs a cup out of the cupboard and fills it three quarters of the way up with steaming black coffee before adding a lashing of milk and sugar to sweeten the strong liquid. Once her drink is complete she joins me at the table, sitting in the seat Emily had occupied a short while ago. We sit in comfortable silence as she drinks, my mind trying not to dwell on Emily, while the magic of caffeine works its wonders on Hanna's half awake body. Our legs gradually entwine under the table in a way that I could never do comfortably with Emily ever again, the thought bumming me out.

Once Hanna's cup is half empty I figure she has enough caffeine pumping through her veins to be able to hold a legible conversation. 'So whats the plan for today Skittles?'

Hanna stretches and rubs the back of her neck, her sleepy smile slightly lopsided as she talks through a yawn. 'Well, I thought we'd catch the ferry over to Staten Island and climb to the top of the Statue of Liberty first, because I've not even done that yet, then grab brunch because climbing is going to make us VERY hungry!'

I laugh at her expression 'Us, or you?'

'An army marches on its stomach I'll have you know'. Hanna huffs at me in mock hurt.

'Putting aside the weird visual that expression evokes, brunch sounds good. What else we doing?' I smile at our banter, loving the easy way we can tease each other.

'Ah, that's a secret!' Hanna taps the side of her nose in such a dorky way that I giggle, content to let her play ringmaster on today's adventures.

The kitchen door swings slowly open and Emily peeks round, her face registering relief when she spots Hanna at the table. She enters the room, her eyes skipping over me completely, and busies herself making a cup of coffee. She is now clothed in a smart dress suit, the material hugging and accentuating every curve of her lithe body; her hair pulled back into a professional looking bun.

Hanna lifts her eyebrows at me and nods her head at Emily's back to indicate that I should say something but I simply shrug, not having the energy to go another three rounds in the ring with Emily's shifting moods this morning.

Hanna shoots me a dirty look for leaving it to her and decides to try and break the silence herself. 'So, all ready for your conference thingy? Feeling nervous?'

Emily smiles at Hanna warmly, her voice friendly as she answers. 'Yeah, a little'.

'You'll do great, and you look amazing; doesn't she Paige?' Hanna kicks me under the table, her foot connecting sharply with my shin.

I raise my head reluctantly and look at Emily, seeing wariness all over her face. I have to admit she does look amazing, elegant and chic while still looking sexy as hell. I push a smile onto my face, trying to make it as genuine as possible. 'You look great Emily, you really do. You're going to do fantastic and blow the competition away, they'll have no choice but to pick you'.

Surprise replaces the wariness on Emily's face and I see the hint of a smile appear, her face glowing with my compliment. 'Thank you Paige, that really means a lot to me'.

'You're very welcome, I'm only stating the truth'. I nod and look away, suddenly finding it all too easy to picture Emily on the arm of a similarly suited Spencer, the pair of them at the top of their careers and deeply in love. The thought make me feel happy, and incredibly sad, at the same time.

Emily notices my shift in mood but thankfully doesn't comment on it; instead she puts her cup down and clears her throat. 'Well I better be off, punctuality is an important quality in a potential intern'.

'You'll knock 'em dead Em, I know it'. Hanna stands up and gives Emily a careful hug so that she doesn't wrinkle Emily's suit, placing a quick kiss on her cheek.

'Thanks Han, I'll let you know how it goes'. She returns Hanna's kiss and goes to leave the room, but pauses before she is completely through and looks back at me. I can feel her eyes on me but pretend I don't, keeping mine firmly averted until she gives up and leaves.

'Smooth going Harris, way to boost her confidence'. Hanna invokes my nickname as she clips me round the back of the head in rebuke.

Buffy was my favorite show, and my number one choice whenever I needed a pick me up. After my 'wrist incident' Hanna spent every night cuddled up with me in my bed, watching episode after episode of BTVS until I managed to fall asleep. Hanna always used to joke that I was Xander Harris, the loveable loser who was hopelessly in love with Buffy but fumbles his chance time after time; and I always used to rib her about the skittles she ate, and lost, in the bed.

I raise my hands to protect my head from further attack. 'What? I told her she looked good!'

The front door clicks closed and Hanna tuts at me, her face full of disapproval. 'You could of at least tried to act a bit more caring! All that girl wanted was for you to give her a hug, and you just blanked her'.

I roll my eyes at her. 'You should of got up earlier if you wanted to see me being caring. I was very caring, right up until she kissed me; at which point I put the brakes on'.

Hanna's jaw actually opens with surprise, her eyes bugging out of her head. 'Emily kissed you? On the mouth?'

'No, she kissed me on the hand like an old fashioned gentleman'. Sometimes Hanna really is a blonde. 'Of course on the mouth Hanna! She tried to shove her tongue down my throat!'

'Wow!' Hanna sits back down at the table as I drop my head back on my arms, a mirror image of how she found me earlier.

Hanna puts her hand on my head and ruffles my hair gently. 'That must have been a bit of a shock'.

I groan at the memory, knowing that I will have to face Emily again at some point. 'That's an understatement!'

'What did you do?'

I raise my head off my arms and rub my face with my hands, feeling exhausted despite it only being seven in the morning. 'I did the only thing I could, I stopped her and said it couldn't happen again'.

'Did you tell her about Spencer?'

I shake my head. 'How would I even try to explain that? "Sorry Emily, we can't kiss again because I've fallen in love with your best friend, but I haven't told her because she is actually in love with you!" Urghhh!' I slam my hands on the table in frustration.

'I still think you should tell Spencer how you feel'. Hanna speaks quietly, her voice full of sympathy for me.

I push back my chair and stand up, my body full of restlessness that I try and work off by pacing the small space. 'What good would that do? You read her message, she's going to tell Emily how she feels. She's probably on her way to Emily's college right now'.

'But Emily is here'. Hanna frowns in confusion as she watches me pace the kitchen.

I stop and look at Hanna, then resume pacing. 'Spencer doesn't know Emily is here, and won't until she arrives at her uni, which will either be later today or tomorrow. She will be told that Emily is here for the conference and is scheduled to return the day after tomorrow, which means that in all probability she will just find somewhere to stay and wait for her'.

'What if she doesn't wait? What if she decides to come here?' Hanna asks the question that I had already considered.

'She won't, but if she does she'll go to the place the uni arranged for her. Once she realizes she not there she'll have no choice but to call Emily and announce she's in New York so that she can find her'. Hanna nods in understanding. 'Once Emily knows she will call and tell you'.

I stop and tap Hanna on the nose, her eyes going slightly crossed as she tries to focus on my finger. 'Why will Emily call me?'

I remove my finger and sit back down. 'Because she'll want you guys to all catch up, I know the way Emily thinks'.

'What if Emily tells Spencer you're here?' Hanna looks at me with concern.

I can't stop the look that crosses my face at the prospect of coming face to face with Spencer again, my heart racing at the thought. 'New York is a big place, I can just disappear until they've...found each other'.

'So you're really never going to tell her?' I see the disappointment on Hanna's face, her eyes reflecting her feelings on the matter.

'Hanna...' There is a warning in my voice, the tone telling her I do not want to have this conversation again.

Hanna holds her hands up in surrender. 'No pressure, just asking'.

I sigh deeply, knowing that what I am doing is the best for everyone but feeling completely shit at the prospect. 'Spencer loves Emily, and I'm not going to muddy the water by throwing my useless feelings at her. If I have any chance of being friends with either of them in the future I need to keep this to myself, and if that means staying away for a few days then so be it'.

'A few days? So you're planning on coming back instead of just heading for the hills?' Excitement creeps into Hanna's voice, the prospect of me sticking around making her bounce in her seat a bit.

Her excitement makes me smile, and I give her a cheeky look. 'I might be thinking of sticking around for a little while; you still up for a room mate?'

Hanna's shriek almost shatters the glass in the room as she practically leaps over the table to hug me, my quick reactions the only thing stopping both of us tipping onto the floor. Hanna's laugh is loud and infectious, her joy at my decision to stay ringing in my ears as I balance the pair of us now that Hanna has invaded my lap.

Hanna pulls back enough to look at my face, tears of happiness tracking down her face. 'You're not joking with me are you? Do you promise you're for real?'

I hold up my hand, my little finger crooked in readiness. 'I pinky promise'.

Hanna links her little finger with mine and we shake on it, the deal now set in stone in my mind. I know I shouldn't stay, my life is way too complicated to involve her in, but just being around her gives me a renewed sense of strength. Hanna didn't bat an eyelid when I told her what I do, and she didn't turn from me when she saw my damaged body, instead offering me even more love and kindness.

Hanna is my family, and once I know Spencer is with Emily I am going to need her more than ever to stop me from sliding back into the depression I felt after I lost everything the first time round.

Once Hanna has almost hugged me to death she jumps off my lap and grabs my hand, her body almost vibrating with happiness. 'Come on then roomie, lets get this day started and go play tourist!'

I let myself be dragged across the room without resisting, my heart feeling happy that I now have a place I actually want to be.

I exit the lift totally exhausted, my feet protesting with every step.

I am in amazing shape, I can do a hundred press ups without breaking a sweat; yet one day with Hanna has totally destroyed me. After we visited the Statue of Liberty and had brunch Hanna took me on a whistle stop tour of New York; Times Square, the Empire State Building, Central Park, Brooklyn Bridge, Yankee Stadium...the list was endless and my head is still spinning from all the sights and sounds. Hanna had bought me a New York Yankees baseball cap, which is now perched on my head with the bill facing backwards; the only way to wear it according to my tour guide.

'Come on slow poke, is old age catching up to you?' Hanna is already at her door, her key in the lock.

I lift the many bags I am currently holding on to and wave them at her. 'I'm sorry, is the copious amount of souvenirs you purchased slowing me down?!'

'You're a fit young woman, you'll manage'. Hanna rolls her eyes at me as she opens the door and enters the apartment.

I am still several paces away from the door, grumbling under my breath about the many ways I am going to make her pay for this, when I hear Hanna's exclamation of surprise. 'ARIA!'

I speed up my walk, almost sprinting the last few steps to the door as I hear excited chatter inside. I stop in the doorway as I see Hanna and Aria hugging, their faces wearing a matching set of smiles.

'Oh my god, I had no idea you were coming! What brings you here?' Hanna is talking really fast, her excitement blending her words into one long string of syllables.

'I invited her, I hope you don't mind'. Emily emerges from the kitchen, a bottle of wine and several glasses clasped in her hands.

'Of course I don't mind, I think it's fantastic!' Hanna lets go of Aria so that she can address Emily. 'Whats the special occasion?'

Emily blushes and looks bashful. 'I got offered the internship'.

Hanna squeals again and rushes over to hug Emily, her face a picture of glee. 'That's amazing news! Well done honey, you SO deserve it'.

Emily beams at Hanna, her face alight with pride. 'I figured Aria was not too far away and it would be good to catch up, so text her and invited her over.

The toilet suddenly flushes and my head swivels to the closed door before looking at Hanna, my eyes widening in surprise. Hanna looks at me in just as much surprise before turning to look at Aria. I hear the lock click, and the door starts to open as Hanna speaks.

'Did you bring your boyfriend too?' Hanna sounds delighted at the opportunity to meet Aria's new boy toy, knowing from our conversation during the day that she hadn't met him yet.

Before Aria can reply I hear another voice, and it instantly drains all the color from my face. The warm, velvety voice is full of humor and teasing; yet still manages to make goosebumps break out over every inch of my skin. 'I know I've filled out since you last saw me Hanna, but am I really that butch now?'

Hanna's eyes grow massive, and her face goes almost as pale as mine. She seems lost for words, her mouth opening and closing several times before she can speak. 'No, not butch at all. In fact you look amazing...Spencer'.


	18. Chapter 18

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**Chapter 18**

Spencer is here.

There is talking and laughter going on all around me but I can't focus on any of it because my brain short circuited the moment I realized Spencer Hastings was standing in front of me.

_**Ten minutes ago**_

_No, not butch at all. In fact you look amazing...Spencer'. _

_Spencer smirks at Hanna's words, her face radiating confidence as she stands in the middle of the room. 'Thanks Hanna, you don't look too bad yourself '._

_I have to agree with Hanna's assessment, because Spencer looks beautiful. She is dressed more like the Spencer I remember from Rosewood; an elegant, and clearly expensive, dress is hugging her taut frame, a wide leather belt cinched around her waist completing the look of casual chic she is rocking. The short hem stops mid thigh, and leaves an endless amount of leg for my Spencer deprived eyes to feast on. _

_She is standing with her hip cocked and her hands resting lightly on her waist as she looks at Hanna, her body a sensual statement of strength and femininity. The last few rays of sunlight still breaking through the window bathe her frame in a beautiful golden halo, the effect making my heart clench with overwhelming love and desire for this gorgeous woman. It is all I can do to remain still, because every inch of my being wants to march up to her and kiss her senseless; to kiss her until there is no one else in her mind except me. _

_Hanna's eyes can't resist seeking me out to see how I am faring, and I see Spencer notice the movement immediately. She turns towards me, her face curious as to who Hanna is looking at, Emily and Aria both clearly within eyesight on the sofa next to her. _

_I am not ready to see Spencer this soon, my emotions are still incredibly raw after crying my eyes out most of the night over her; but its too late to duck back into the hallway and make a break for the stairs. Instead I throw up every defense I have; I make sure the walls around my heart are locked tight and a look of indifference is plastered on my face, all traces of emotion other than politeness is wiped from my demeanor, and I say a silent pray that I can get through this without making a fool of myself . _

_Spencer's eyes connect with mine and I feel heat burn through me, desire rippling across my body despite my defenses. Shock flashes through Spencer's eyes as she recognizes me and I see them widen in surprise. Her body stills completely and tension radiates from every muscle but Spencer's face stays completely poised, her internal confusion hidden well; it's only because I've spent the past couple of months side by side with her that I can read her so well and am able to spot the tell tale cracks in her armor. _

_I don't want things to get awkward, knowing that there are three sets of eyes on us that have no idea about our history, so try to act normally. I tear my eyes from Spencer's and walk into the room nonchalantly, placing the bags I'm carrying onto the floor and turning back to close the door. Once I can't avoid it anymore I face Spencer again, finding the surprise in her eyes has turned in to excitement. _

_Spencer's obvious happiness at seeing me lights my heart, and I let a small smile break onto my face despite my resolve to act unaffected. 'Hey Hastings, it's good to see you again'. _

_Something flashes across Spencer's eyes as I speak, something that looks dangerously close to desire, and my heart leaps into my mouth as she takes a step towards me; but then she seems to remember where she is because she stops and shakes her head in frustration, caution appearing in her eyes instead. She addresses me in the same way I spoke to her, her tone deliberately casual. 'Hey McCullers, surprised to see you here'._

_There are so many things I want to say, but instead I simply reply. 'I could say the same thing, I wasn't expecting you to be in New York'. _

_'That was me'. Aria pipes up from the sofa, her sing song voice telling me she is oblivious to the undercurrent swirling through the room. _

_Hanna and I turn to face Aria, the petite girl looking animated in her seat. 'Spencer called me earlier because she wanted Hanna's phone number, though she never did say what it was for...'_

_Spencer looks uncomfortable as four sets of eye lands on her. 'I er..., I wanted to discuss...' I see her eyes flick to me before jumping quickly to Emily. 'Emily! I wanted to talk about Emily. It's her birthday soon, and I thought Hanna would know what she might like as a present'. _

_I see Emily smile at Spencer's words and get a funny feeling in my chest, like I want to laugh and cry at the same time. Spencer wasn't wanting information about a present, she was wanting information about Emily's romantic situation. It is so typical of Spencer's forward planning mentality, always making sure she has a strategy in place before making a move, that I really shouldn't be surprised; the girl always thinks five steps ahead. _

_I hate myself for actually hoping she might have been calling to ask Hanna about me, the little spark of hope still in my heart twisting painfully with disappointment._

_Aria takes over from Spencer and continues with her tale. 'Emily knew I had some free time so invited me over to celebrate her internship, and when Spencer called me just after I got off the phone with Emily I invited her too. I thought it would be a perfect chance to have an impromptu reunion, its been so long since we were all together like this'. _

_'I hope we're not an imposition for you Hanna; we can easily get a hotel seeing as it's going to be a little cramped here'. Spencer looks apologetic._

_'I didn't realize you were here too Paige', Aria looks at me, then at Emily. 'Emily didn't mention it on the phone'. _

_Emily leaps up from the sofa, her voice slightly higher than normal. 'I must of forgotten in all the excitement, but I'm sure we can all manage. There's two bedrooms and a couch, plenty enough room. Aria you're the littlest, you don't mind the couch do you?' _

_Aria shakes her head and smiles. 'The couch is fine for me'. _

_Emily returns her smile and turns to Spencer, her face animated. 'Paige is in Hanna's room so that means you get to share with me. I hope you're still a snuggler, I've missed you Spence'. _

_Spencer's eyes nearly bug out of her head at Emily's words and I have to bite the inside of my cheek to keep my face neutral, the pain hitting me in the face with the force of a tidal wave._

_Spencer looks almost comical as she stands gaping at Emily, her mouth moving soundlessly. Hanna takes the opportunity to look at me, her eyebrows raising in question. She is asking if I'm ok, if I can deal with what Emily is proposing. _

_I know that if I shake my head she will make them get a hotel room, that she will find an excuse to not let them stay, despite Emily's proposal. _

_I am not ok with it, far from it in fact, but this isn't about me any more so I nod my head despite my pain. Hanna frowns at me, her eyes telling me she's not happy, and I know she will try and catch me on my own to talk to me about it later. _

_'Well that's decided then! How about we grab another bottle of wine and play catch up, I want to hear all about what you guys have been up to!' Emily is bouncing in her seat, the excitement on her face clear for all to see._

_'I'll get it!' Aria jumps off the couch and heads for the kitchen, leaving little doubt that she is eager to play catch up too._

_'Paige, why down you sit down'. Emily pats the seat next to her and I feel awkward, not wanting to make things strange for Spencer. Thankfully Hanna saves me by jumping in to the conversation. 'Sorry Em but McCullers owes me a foot massage'. She turns to me and winks. 'Don't forget you lost our bet'._

_I don't have to be told twice and jump on board with Hanna. 'Don't worry Skittles, I don't renegade on a bet'. _

_Emily frowns at me, clearly disappointed that I won't be sitting next to her. 'What bet?' _

_'I bet Hanna she couldn't eat a whole donut without licking the sugar off her lips'. I smile at Hanna, glad I don't have to make up a lie. I had taken a photo of Hanna with the sugar literally covering her face, the sight so hilarious I had wanted to immortalize it forever. _

_Hanna sits in the space next to Emily and pulls me down on her other side, swiveling so that she can place her feet into my lap. 'Paige needs to remember that she should never bet against me when it comes to food, she'll always lose if she does'. _

'So what about you Paige?'

The sound of my name brings me back to the present and I look at Aria, my face giving away the fact that I haven't been listening to the conversation. Aria laughs at my expression, her tone teasing. 'Did the smell of Hanna's feet knock you out?'

'Hey! My feet are perfectly fine!' Hanna wiggles her toes at Aria before returning them to my lap.

I smile at Aria in embarrassment. 'I'm sorry, I guess I zoned out for a little while, what was it you said?'

'That's ok Paige'. Aria smiles at me sweetly. 'We've just been catching up, finding out what each others been up to. I just wondered what you've been doing'.

'Oh'. I should have been paying attention, I totally missed how Spencer explained what she has been up to.

I can feel Hanna and Spencer both have their eyes locked on me, their concern about how I'm going to explain the past three years radiating towards me in waves. There is a small silence, and I know that it is going to get awkward real quick if I don't fill it. 'I er...I take photos'.

I look up and see four confused faces gazing back at me, though I try and avoid looking at Spencer directly.

'What kind of photos?' Emily is the first to speak, her brows creased in puzzlement.

'Er, all kinds really, but people mainly. I take photos of whatever interests me'.

'So you're like a professional photographer? Can I see some of your work?' Emily looks very interested suddenly, her face lighting up at the prospect of getting a glimpse of my life.

'Paige is here on vacation, I'm sure she didn't bring any with her'. Hanna speaks up, clearly trying to cover for me.

I squeeze Hanna's foot gently, my way of saying thanks for trying to have my back at all times. 'Hanna's right, I don't have anything printed with me'.

Emily looks really disappointed at my words. 'Nothing?'

She looks really gutted, and I can't help chuckling lightly. 'That doesn't mean I have nothing I can show you though'.

'Really?' The light returns to Emily's eyes and despite our issues it still manages to make me feel good, like I've succeeded in pleasing her somehow.

'Really'. I drop Hanna's feet off my lap as I talk. 'Where's your laptop Skittles?'

Hanna grumbles in annoyance at having her foot massage interrupted, but stands up and goes to retrieve her laptop from the bedroom. As soon as Hanna has vacated her seat Emily claims it, sliding along the couch until our sides are touching and puts her hand on my knee, excitement in her voice. 'I never would of pegged you as a photographer, you were always so active and sporty'.

Emily's hand on my knee makes me uncomfortable and I can't help sneaking a glance at Spencer. I find her eyes locked on Emily's hand, emotion churning in their depths. I look away quickly, having to swallow the apology that sits ready in my throat. If I hadn't already promised Hanna that I would stay I would be half way to grabbing my bag and hightailing it out of here by now, the dynamic in the room far too uncomfortable for me to deal with.

Thankfully Hanna appears from her room with the laptop and immediately picks up on the tension, though Aria still seems oblivious, and tries to lighten things again. 'Right, you'll have to ignore any pop ups that appear for fit, single men; that is just some spam that has NOTHING to do with my browser history!'

I accept the laptop from Hanna and move my knee away from Emily's hand, placing the computer down directly where her hand was so that she can't replace it. 'Thanks for that visual Han, I'm going to have to scrub my brain before bed to avoid nightmares'.

Hanna laughs as she shoehorns her way back into the spot between Emily and I, ignoring the look Emily shoots her. 'I'm simply sampling everything New York has to offer while I'm single! As soon as Caleb is done with his internship in California I'll be in a relationship again so I see nothing wrong with living it up while I can'.

'I completely agree Han, I would just prefer not to get girth measurements in future'. I laugh and push her lightly with my shoulder as I set up the laptop, my fingers flying over the keyboard to find what I need.

'Ew, that's gross Hanna'. Emily scrunches up her nose in distaste.

'I only do it to make sure she's still listening!' Hanna tries to hold a serious face but fails, the grin sneaking onto her face against her will.

'Liar. You do it to gross me out'. I smile as I look at the screen, remembering all the times Hanna has made me laugh with her sexcapdes when I've been at a low ebb.

'I didn't realize you two were still in contact'. Aria looks between Hanna and I with curiosity on her face.

'Aha!' I am saved from the need to respond by my website popping up, the professional looking design something I am actually proud of. Caleb had given me some hints and tips, but the majority of the look is strictly down to hours and hours of sleep replacement effort and time.

'Oh wow!' Emily leans over Hanna and I see her eyes widen as she takes in the site, a look of wonder on her face as she takes it all in.

I hand the laptop over to Hanna so that Emily doesn't have to lean so much and vacate my seat as I can see Aria straining to see too. Aria flashes me a grateful smile as she slides into my spot, her eyes glued to the screen.

I am so focused on the three girls huddled over the computer that I don't realize Spencer has come up behind me until she speaks. 'You never told me you were a photographer'.

I almost jump out of my skin despite her voice being a virtual whisper, her mere presence affecting me more than her words. Spencer is so close to me that I can't help the shiver that goes through me, her low and husky voice putting all sorts of inappropriate images into my head. I step slightly forward to put some space between us before turning round to face her, my eyes drinking in the vision in front of me without my permission.

'Taking a few pictures so I could build my cover story for getting a place to rent wasn't exactly high on my list of things to talk about once you found out who I was, I guess it must of slipped my mind'. I'm defensive; I can hear the tone in my voice as I'm speaking and it's coming out harsher than I intended, but being this close to her is setting my nerves incredibly on edge.

The truth is I love taking photos, it is one of the only things I have in my life that I honestly love doing. It allows me to be a spectator, to observe and document a kaleidoscope of different moments happening in the world that I can no longer enjoy myself. The joy I capture with my lens shows me that love and happiness still exist, something I never thought I would experience again.

My favorite subjects are people, and I am always amazed by what I can capture. I observe their interactions and emotions surreptitiously, the rawness and honesty that shine through their face without any need for walls or defenses draw me to them like a moth, and I simply need to raise my camera and press the shutter at the right second to forever hold that moment in time.

I feel privileged to be a part of their world for that brief moment and always make a point of introducing myself afterward, seeking their permission to keep the images. I have never had a person refuse, though some were hesitant to at first, and I created my website so I could more easily show people that I was genuine in my request.

It also happens to be the perfect cover for my night time activities; an unpredictable profession by nature, always on the move to capture new and as yet undiscovered images so I could turn up one day and be gone the next without leaving too many unanswered questions in my wake, perfect for someone who needs to disappear quickly and quietly.

'Paige, these are amazing!' Aria looks up at me with wonder in her eyes, her expression filled with awe at my work.

'Yeah gotta agree McCullers, these are pretty damn good'. Hanna nods at me, her eyes shining with pride.

I shrug at their praise, feeling uncomfortable being the focus again. 'Thanks, it pays the bills ok'.

Emily looks up at me, a huge smile on her face. 'These are brilliant Paige, you're such a talented photographer'.

I smile shyly and hear Spencer mumble something behind me before she walks over to the couch, accepting Emily's seat when she offers it. Spencer takes the laptop out of Hanna's hands and start to flick through the photo's, her eyes scrutinizing each one carefully before moving on.

Emily walks over to me and places her hand on my arm, distracting me from watching Spencer's reactions to my pictures. I look down at Emily and see her smiling at me, her face aglow with pride.

She wraps her arms around me and pulls me into a hug, her face buried into my shoulder. 'They are really good Paige, I'm so proud of you'.

I feel Spencer's eyes on us, her weighted gaze hot against my skin like a physical touch. I hug Emily back so I'm not rude and sneak a peek at Spencer over her head. Spencer's face is full of thunder, her eyes blazing with jealousy and envy as she stares at us; shocking me with her unreserved display of emotion.

I break away from Emily gently and smile at her before walking away with a heavy heart, the act of collecting my wine glass from the side table giving me the excuse to isolate myself from everyone and get some breathing room for a few seconds. When I catch sight of Spencer again she is looking at the laptop once more, a frown plastered across her brows as she trawls my site.

Hanna walks over to me and bumps against my shoulder, her voice lowered so no one else can hear. 'This is some trip huh. If you're planning on jumping out the bathroom window any time soon, take me with you ok'.

I put my arm around Hanna's shoulder and give her a hug, more glad than ever that I told her everything, because this situation would be a thousand times worse if she had no idea what was going on. 'I'm not going to lie, this is pretty much hell right now, but as long as you make sure I don't get left alone with Spencer I'll manage to keep my shit together'.

'Let's liven things up, how about a little spin the bottle!' Aria suddenly appears from the kitchen with another bottle of wine in her hands, the glazed look of an intoxicated person evident in her eyes.

Hanna and I exchange a look at her words, the idea not filling either of us with pictures of happy endings. I release Hanna's shoulder and she slips into sober friend mode without a beat, heading over to Aria to retrieve the wildly swinging bottle before it's contents end up on her cream carpet. 'I don't think that's a very good idea Aria'.

Aria take a minute to focus of Hanna, her brows knitting together in concentration. 'Why? We've all played it before'.

'In case you hadn't noticed, we're all female'. Hanna waves her hands around her boobs to try and emphasize her point.

'So?' Aria is swaying slightly, though still manages to sound fairly coherent. 'Emily and Paige like kissing girls, and I've kissed plenty during spin the bottle at college. You're always complaining about not getting hit on by girls, and I'm sure Spencer wouldn't mind...'

My heart almost beats out of my chest at the thought of kissing Spencer again, but the excitement dies immediately with the knowledge that I might have to see her kiss Emily, erasing the happiness from me with a sharp kick to the guts.

'It might be fun'. Emily suddenly appears beside me and gives me a funny look, like the idea of kissing me under the pretense of a drunken game might be acceptable somehow.

'No, spin the bottle is definitely NOT on the cards'. Hanna is firm in her decision.

'What about strip poker?' Aria hiccups over the last syllable.

'Who here knows how to actually play poker?' Hanna looks round the room, her eyebrow raising in amusement when only Spencer and I raise our hands. 'Then no'.

'Truth or dare?'

'No'.

'Aww come on, we gotta do something drunken during our reunion, it's like the law or something!' Aria looks crestfallen, a pout plastered on her face as she gives puppy dog eyes to each of us in turn.

Hanna rolls her eyes and looks at me, silently asking me what to do.

'What about never have I ever?' Spencer has been silent up until this point, but now she speaks up as if she is wanting to participate in a drinking game.

I'm surprised that Spencer is the one to suggest such a game, but I can live with her choice. At least it is possible to lie if you want to, and no forfeit if you refuse to answer. I nod at Hanna and as soon as she agrees Aria immediately starts jumping up and down in excitement.

Aria trots off to raid Hanna's kitchen for glasses while Hanna digs out a bottle of tequila from one of the cupboards, her face lighting up with mischievous humor as she dances over to the couch with it. ' We're all going to get trash...ed, Aria is going to be fir...st!'

Hanna flops down onto the couch next to Spencer, her infectious giggle making me smile. I'm planning on lying through most of this so that I don't get hammered and can sneak out once everyone else is in bed, safe in the knowledge that people will be sleeping like the dead after a few shots of tequila and won't know I'm gone.

Emily is sitting next to Spencer and I almost decide to head straight out despite my promise, the sight of the two of them side by side too much perfectness for me to deal with. Instead I grit my teeth and sit down next to Aria before I can change my mind, determined to stick this out until everyone is too drunk to care.

Aria fills the shot glasses on the table with the foul smelling tequila and starts things off by throwing an easy one out at the group. 'Never have I ever...cheated on an exam'.

Hanna, Emily, Spencer and I all drink, much to the amusement of Aria who starts giggling. 'You are all so bad!'

We all grin sheepishly, the strong alcohol still burning our throats. We go around clockwise, Emily the next to say a statement. She thinks for a moment before deciding, her eyes looking straight at Aria as she says it. 'Never have I ever...kissed a teacher'.

Aria's eyes widen and she starts laughing, accepting the round as her catch up go. She downs the shot in one, her face contorting at the taste. The girls all giggle at her reaction, the atmosphere relaxing into one they recognize well, four friends comfortable and at ease with each other. And me.

Spencer is the next to go and I snatch glances at her as she decides on her go. Emily is pressed slightly into her side, her arm looped through Spencer's in a casual manner that looks so at ease it makes me feel jealous. 'Never have I ever...dyed my hair'.

Aria, Hanna and I all down a shot while Emily and Spencer smirk at us, and I realize that staying sober might not be as easy as I thought.

Hanna decides to go next and I see a sparkle of evil delight flash in her eye as she thinks up her question. 'Never have I ever...kissed a girl'.

As expected Emily, Aria and I down a shot, but everyone suddenly realizes that Spencer has downed one too. I freeze as Emily exclaims her surprise, turning in her seat so that she can face Spencer more clearly. 'When?!'

Spencer places her glass down on the table and Aria immediately refills it ready for another round. 'Which time?'

Emily's face is almost comical, her mouth opening in startled surprise. 'Are you gay now?'

Spencer rolls her eyes at the question. 'You don't just turn gay Emily, surely you know that'.

'I didn't mean it like that, I just...well its a bit of a shock is all. How long have you known?' Emily scrambles to recover, though I can see she is slightly in awe of the revelation.

Spencer seems unfazed by the questions, and I guess this is why she suggested this game. She knew the question would come up at some point and she figured that getting Emily used to the idea that she is into girls during a group dynamic would take some of the pressure off when she finally admits how she feels about her. 'I guess I've always known I like girls as well, I just never let myself entertain the idea before'.

'We SO should of played spin the bottle!' Aria chirps up.

'Wow, that's big news. Thank you for sharing it with us'. Emily shifts closer to Spencer and places her hand comfortingly on her knee.

'So what's your type?' Aria again.

Spencer looks up at Aria in surprise, her eyes clouded. 'I, er...' She clears her throat and laughs awkwardly, her reluctance more to do with the fact that she is sitting so close to Emily rather than not wanting to answer the question I assume.

'Come on, spill! Blonde or brunette? Short, tall, butch, femme?' Aria could do with someone taking her drink off of her.

Spencer blushes under the scrutiny and I can't help but picture the blush that spread across her body as I teased her nipples, whispering about how much I enjoyed tasting her body. The thought makes me start to feel hot and I look away to try and calm my racing heart, the image of a naked Spencer not conducive to playing things cool this evening.

'Brunette'. Spencer's words are quiet, almost bashful as she speaks and I immediately look back at her. 'Strong, sexy, funny, slightly goofy, incredibly kind, passionate and adorable'.

Aria and Emily look at Spencer in surprise, their mouths hanging slightly open at the heartfelt description from the normally reserved girl.

'It sounds like you have someone specific in mind with that description'. Aria giggles as Spencer looks away, confirming Aria's words without needing to speak.

'She just described you Paige'. Emily says the words teasingly, her voice full of humor as she smiles at me.

Pain floods my system as I look at Emily and I force a smile onto my face to cover the hurt, my mask of indifference feeling brittle and weak. 'That's funny, I was just going to say the same thing about you'.

Emily smile gets wider at my compliment and she blushes as well, the pair of them now red in the face.

Hanna clears her throat and tries to change the subject. 'Shall we get back to the game, I'd hate for Aria to sober up too much before she has the chance to pass out and drool all over my couch'.

'Thank you...I think?' Aria looks at Hanna in confusion, her face scrunched up with the effort of trying to think around the alcohol fogging up her brain.

Spencer looks relieved that the focus is off of her, though she is still blushing and avoiding looking at anyone.

'Paige...Paige? Earth to Paige!' I suddenly realize that I am still staring at Spencer and snap my eyes away from her guiltily, finding Emily staring at me with amusement.

'I'm sorry, I was er...' I tail off as I don't have an excuse for what I was doing.

Emily laughs and teases me some more. 'Don't worry Paige, I won't let Spencer jump your bones in the middle of the night if that's what you're worried about'.

Spencer snaps her head up at Emily's words, her eyes wide as she looks between Emily and I. 'What? No! That's not what I...'

She stops as Emily bursts out laughing, her cheeks burning bright with embarrassment.'It's not nice to tease people you know'.

Emily giggles and cuddles into Spencer's side. 'I'm sorry Spence, I just couldn't resist. It's not every day I discover one of my best friends likes girls, and by the sounds of it the same type of girls too'.

This makes Spencer blush even more, her eyes avoiding Emily's as she coughs. 'Yeah, well I mean not _exactly_ the same, surely'.

Spencer looks adorable when she's nervous and I have the uncontrollable urge to kiss her senseless for being so cute, but instead I down my wine and get up to refill it. Getting trashed is seeming more and more like a viable option right now.

'Paige, don't leave'. I turn back at the sound of my name escaping Spencer's lips for the first time this evening, the shiver that runs through me at the way her voice seems to caress my name leaving me unable to resist her gentle command.

Spencer is looking at me with such an unreadable expression on her face that it leaves me wondering if I imagined the emotion in her voice, my subconscious maybe adding feeling where there was clearly none.

'Yeah Paige, it's your turn to play!' Aria pats the seat next to her excitedly, eager to get on with the next round of drinks.

I sigh inwardly at the disappointment that fills my body when I realize I simply imaged the longing in Spencer's voice; the knowledge that I am so desperate for a sign she might still be interested in me that I am dreaming stuff up drains the last of my energy and makes me feel incredibly tired, in no mood to continue some stupid drinking game. However I make sure my mask is firmly in place and plop back down into my seat, knowing I can't disappear without causing a scene.

I look round the group and see how different everyone is looking at me. Aria is grinning like a loon in anticipation of more alcohol, Hanna is gazing at me with concern bright in her eyes, Emily is smiling at me in that sweet way which makes me feel awkward, and Spencer's eyes are burning into me with a frown on her face that makes me feel like she can see how I feel about her and doesn't like it very much.

I raise my shot glass, knowing that I have been in fights that felt less painful that this situation, and say the first thing that comes into my head. 'Never have I ever...been lucky in love'.

Emily's gasp makes me realize what I said and I look up to see her storming out of the room, the door to her room slamming shut loudly behind her. I immediately feel like crap, my intention had not been to hurt Emily, but my internal pain had taken control of my mouth for a second and said what my heart was feeling. I go to follow Emily but Hanna beats me to it, her hand on my shoulder keeping me in my seat. 'Stay there stupid, I'll sort this out'.

'Tell her I'm sorry'. I look at her pleadingly, my face full of sorrow at my careless words. Hanna nods at me in sympathy before following Emily into the spare room, leaving me with a drunk Aria and a brooding Spencer.

'You're in trouble!' Aria singsongs at me, her words slurred and sloppy as she leans against me heavily.

I roll my eyes at the understatement, feeling like a complete idiot. I notice the shot still in my hand and can't think of a way to make things worse so decide I might as well finish it. 'Let's try and wash some of the taste of foot out of my mouth huh'. I throw back the shot in one, the harsh liquid burning my throat in penance for my thoughtless actions.

'She'll forgive you'. Spencer's words make look up, her gravelly voice quiet and somber in the suddenly still room. Spencer is looking at her hands, which are clenched tightly together in her lap and completely avoids my gaze, much to my frustration.

Aria suddenly lets out a large snore and tries to snuggle into my side, momentarily distracting me from Spencer. I look down at her and find she is sound asleep, her face plastered against my shoulder as she relaxes. I ease off my chair and carefully pick her up, her tiny frame weighing next to nothing in my arms. 'It looks like the party is over for this one, I think she's going to need that couch sooner than anticipated'.

Spencer vacates her seat and stands back to allow me room to maneuver as I swing round and lay Aria gently on the couch, making sure her head is cushioned properly. I remove her shoes, though it takes me a while to work out the complicated straps and laces, easing them off and placing them neatly on the floor under the end of the make shift bed. I also carefully remove the deathtraps Aria has hanging from her earlobes, not wanting her to lose an ear if she tosses and turns during the night.

Once I am certain all dangerous fashion accessories are away from her person I retrieve a blanket from the linen closet and tuck it around her, finishing up by placing a bottle of water and some aspirin on the table next to her head for the morning.

Aria snuggles down into the blanket and lets out a contented sigh, making me smile at how innocent she manages to look despite consuming her body weight in alcohol like a frat boy on a bender less than half an hour ago.

'She'll be grateful to you in the morning'. Once again Spencer has managed to creep up on me unawares.

I curse the stealth I taught her and keep my eyes fixed on Aria to hide my disquiet. 'We've all been there. I'm just making sure she doesn't ruin the couch, there is nothing less conducive to sleep than sharing a bed with Hanna when she's in a mood'.

'You could always share mine'. I feel Spencer stroke her fingers lightly down my back, the touch featherlight, but still making me have to bite back the groan of arousal that sweeps through my body at the contact.

I take a step forward to separate us and shake my head to clear it. 'I doubt Emily would appreciate you offering her bed out to people that insult her'. My voice is bitter, but the tone is directly solely at myself.

'Oh hush, you know Emily can't stay mad at you. She's probably already forgiven you and is thinking up ways to apologize for walking off in a huff'. Spencer chides me gently, her voice rich with teasing.

I shake my head in disagreement. 'She shouldn't, I'm an ass for saying such a stupid thing'.

'You didn't mean it the way it came out. Everyone knows you and Emily were great together, and that she made you incredibly happy'. Her voice has lost the teasing, the tone now completely serious. 'She still cares for you, a lot; it's blatantly obvious'.

There is something in Spencer's tone that makes me think she is insinuating something more, and the way she avoids eye contact is further proof. 'Emily and I have been over for a long time Spencer, she's moved on and so have I'.

'It didn't seem that way from where I was sitting'. Spencer sounds sad, her voice full of pain at the idea that Emily and I could become a couple again. 'It sounded like she wouldn't be adverse to revisiting the past'.

I feel guilt for making her feel bad despite not encouraging Emily, in fact I have been actively discouraging her since the moment she kissed me, yet Emily somehow still seems to think flirting with me is a good plan. 'I don't love Emily any more Spencer, not in a way that could ever mean anything more than friends'.

'She was your first love Paige, it's understandable that there would still be some residual spark between the two of you'. Spencer turns away from me as if she can't look at me as she says the words.

She is so understanding, her voice filled with the acceptance that she is not good enough to compare to what we had. The acceptance makes me mad and I walk straight up to her and turn her round to face me. 'Look at me'.

Spencer tries to turn her head but I slide my hands up until they are cupping her face to hold her still, my voice commanding. '_Look_ at me Spencer!'

I see the struggle on her face as she tries to keep turned away, the muscles in her jaw standing out in stark relief as she grits her teeth in an attempt to stay strong and not obey me.

My voice becomes gentler as my thumbs stroke across her jaw, trying to soothe her taut muscles into relaxing. 'You're so damn stubborn Hastings, why can't you just _look_ at me when I want you to?'

I feel Spencer relax slightly under my hands as her jaw loses some of its steel, but she still doesn't meet my eyes like I want so I continue stroking her jaw, the velvet texture of her skin under my thumbs feeling amazing.

My voice becomes even softer as I speak, the soft husk catching in my throat as being this close to Spencer starts to weave a magic spell over my senses once again. 'Don't you ever, even for one _single_ second, think you're not good enough. You are truly beautiful Spencer; your outside is simply a reflection of the beautiful soul you have within you and it radiates through every fiber of your being'.

Spencer's eyes had locked with mine as soon as she understood what I was saying, and as I continue to speak a tear escapes her right eye, tracking down her perfect cheek. I wipe my thumb over her cheek and clear the tear from her skin, feeling my heart break at the evidence of her pain.

I gaze into Spencer's eyes and pour every ounce of the love I can't admit I feel into my words, my emotions making my voice crack and waver as I speak. 'You're amazing Spencer; truly, truly amazing, and whoever you give your heart to should feel incredibly lucky to be worthy of being loved by such an exceptional woman. I am proud to know you Spencer, and feel incredibly lucky to be able to say I have been changed for the better by having you in my life. You deserve nothing but happiness and love, and Emily better treat you like the Greek Goddess you truly are or I will kick her butt from here to kingdom come!'

Tears are flowing freely down Spencer's face now, her eyes filled to the brim as she gazes at me without shame, her emotions written all over her face. I can see shock, happiness, gratitude, love and amazement all swirling together as she processes what I've just said, the suddenness of my outburst shocking us both.

Something in Spencer's eyes darkens and her hands reach up to cup my own face, her touch firm and strong. She looks at me steadily, her eyes hypnotizing me with their bottomless depths as she starts to speak. 'Paige...I lo...'

'Ok, crisis averted!' We both fly apart as Hanna comes bumbling back out into the living room, whatever Spencer was about to say lost as the moment we just shared is shattered by an unsuspecting blonde.

Hanna stops as soon as she sees us, instinctively knowing something has happened. She looks awkward, her question asked while pulling a face that looks like it expects to have things thrown at it. 'Am I interrupting?'

I swallow thickly, my emotions all churning so near the surface that I find it hard to breath, and I deliberately don't look at Spencer as I talk. 'It's fine Hanna, I was just about to head to bed any way'.

I walk past Spencer without acknowledging her, feeling completely drained from baring my soul so blatantly but am stopped by a gentle hand on my arm. I freeze on the spot, my face still turned away from her but hear her perfectly, my ears attuned to the slightest breath carried on her honeyed tones. 'That was...' She pauses and draws a breath but her voice still sounds breathless as she talks. 'No one has ever made me feel that way before, like just being me is enough. Thank you Paige, it means so much to me'.

I stare at a spot on the wall as I listen and fight desperately to keep my emotions in check for just a little longer. Once she stops speaking I say my parting words, my teeth gritted to stop the words wavering again. 'It's not just enough Spencer, it's _everything_. Never let anyone convince you otherwise'.

As soon as the words are out I continue forward, Spencer's hand slipping from my arm in the process. I don't stop until I am safely in Hanna's room with the door firmly closed behind me, the solid door becoming a support for my suddenly jelly like legs.

I rest my head back against the door and close my eyes, my emotions feeling like they've gone ten rounds with a bunch of gang bangers. 'Fucking hell Paige, you need to get it together. You can't be blurting out emotional shit like that to someone else's girl, your heart just can't take it you know'.

I know that there will be no sleep for me tonight so I decide to do the only thing that won't drive me stir crazy for the next six hours; I suit up for a night of searching for bad guys to beat the crap out of.


	19. Chapter 19

**Thank you for your amazing comments, your continued faith in me helps more than you could imagine.**

**I apologize for any spelling mistakes, illness and stress have been constant companions lately.**

**Whoopsiedaisies: I'm glad you like how I write Hanna, she is a delight to have in my story and I love putting words in her mouth**

**Jenny: I don't mind you being addicted, I'm good for you!**

**Getlostandruncici: Chaotic angst, I love it!**

**Chapter 19**

'Sleep well did we?'

I look up as I enter the kitchen, the voice surprising me.

I guess I should of known Spencer would already be up, it's not in her nature to sleep in. It's barely six thirty in the morning yet Spencer is already immaculately dressed and ready to face the day. She is wearing a crisp pant suit and no nonsense heels, a cup of coffee secure in her hands as she leans against the counter. The sarcasm in her voice alerts me to the fact that she is getting at more than just the fact that I currently look like hell, and I know I am in for a tougher morning than the relaxing one I was after.

I had no problem finding activity last night, in fact I found more than my fare share of trouble to keep me busy. Three separate gang muggings, an attempted armed robbery at a seven eleven, and a drunk guy who though his date should put out after a night of picking up the tab had allowed me to vent all the frustration that had been building up inside me since Spencer appeared in Hanna's apartment last night. The guys doing the muggings had been the toughest opponents; career criminals that were street savvy and fought dirty, leaving me with a fair number of bruises and scrapes thanks to the knuckle dusters they had all been packing. I had managed to avoid getting anything marks on my face, but only at a cost to the rest of me.

I had left via the window in Hanna's bedroom, swinging across to the fire escape five feet away by using the drain pipe next to the window and then noiselessly jumping from roof to roof, so know there is no way Spencer saw me leave. I had come back less than an hour ago via the same method to a slumbering Hanna and no sign anyone had noticed I was gone. A quick shower had washed off the worst of the damage, and everything else is now hidden beneath the jeans and long sleeved T shirt I'm currently wearing. Spencer is just fishing.

I plaster a fake smile onto my face and look at Spencer. 'Fine thanks. You?'

'Not so much, no'. Spencer huffs at me and turns to pick up the paper next to her. 'I thought an early morning read of the paper might help me relax, you can imagine my surprise when I saw the headline'.

She slaps the paper down in front of me, the bold print on the front page leaving me little room to question what she is talking about. **Hooded vigilante's crime fighting spree**.

I stare at the paper in shock, my eyes tracing the words over and over again in the hopes that they might magically spell out something different on the next reading. News sure does travel fast here.

'So, you want to amend your answer now?' Spencer sounds pissed, her words clipped and terse.

I sigh, knowing she is looking to start an argument for some reason, but not eager to indulge her. 'So I lied about how well I slept, do I get my slap on the wrists before or after I eat breakfast?'

Anger flares in Spencer's eyes at my flippant answer and she balls the paper in her fist, waving it in my face as she hisses at me. 'This says you fought three different groups of muggers, stopped a woman getting raped, and took down a guy with a gun!'

'I also helped an old lady across the road and retrieved a stuck balloon from a tree. It's what I _do_ Spencer, what's your point?' Lack of sleep makes me cranky.

'New York isn't anything like the backwater towns you've been dealing with Paige, taking these massive risks with your life is just not acceptable. You have to grow up and admit that you can't act like your some comic book superhero that's impervious to injury. You're flesh and bone Paige, more than human enough to get seriously hurt by pulling this crap'. She throws the newspaper down in front of me in anger and stalks away.

Her words force a laugh out of my mouth and the sarcastic tone makes Spencer's eyes narrow as she turns to look at me, her mouth setting into a hard line.

'This is a joke right?' I look at Spencer with incredulity in my eyes.

'Paige you need to...'

'No! You've said your piece, now shut up and listen; it's MY turn to talk'. I cut her off as all the stress I managed to let out last night returns with interest, and I feel like I have a head of steam that is about to explode.

I force myself to keep my voice as low as I can to spare the still sleeping occupants of the apartment, but the venom in my voice makes sure there is no mistaking how angry I really am. 'How _fucking_ DARE you Spencer? How dare you try and tell me what I can and can't do, like you actually have some say in how I choose to live my life!'

I can't stand being this close to Spencer so turn away and pace the small space, five steps taking me across the whole length of the room and back again. 'You've known about what I choose to do with my life for two weeks, after an absence of _three_ years. You know _nothing_ about where I've been, or what I can handle, so don't stand there and try and tell me what is an "acceptable risk" to you!'

'You could have been hurt...' Spencer's words have lost the bite they had before, but they still sting my pride with their intent.

I scoff and turn back to her, pulling up my T shirt to reveal my torso. 'Mugger with a knife in Chicago, rapist with a gun in Detroit, pimp with sharpened knuckle dusters in San Francisco. All major cities, and all dealt with on my own; with no _help_ needed'.

I point to each relevant scar on my body automatically, able to do so without even looking thanks to my obsessive need to rehash each fight over and over until I am 100% sure I will not make the same mistake again.

I see Spencer's face go ashen as she takes in the wounds for the first time with the back story filled in, her eyes fixed on my exposed flesh. 'Paige I...'

I drop my T shirt and cut her off. 'It's funny how you were fine with what I do when you thought I was just a random guy, in fact you wanted me to teach you how to do the exact same thing; but now you know I'm just "Poor Old Paige" I'm too weak and frail to handle myself?!'

'No, I...' Spencer shakes her head at me, her tone pleading for me to let her speak, but I am too wound up to acknowledge her.

'I can take care of myself just fine, and the only life I am risking is my own so no one has any say in the matter, especially not _you._ You must have a selective memory Spencer, because you seem to have forgotten the fact that you would be DEAD if I didn't do what I do!' Spencer pales at the cheap shot and I feel a twinge of guilt for using it, but she kinda backed me into a corner by having a go at me so I let it go.

'I will ask you to keep your nose OUT of my business in future'. I turn to open the door, the need to put some distance between us imperative, but a firm shove prevents me.

Spencer pushes me against the closed door, the force of the shove making me think she has some fight still left in her. I spin so that my back hits the door and raise my hands ready to defend myself if she decides to get physical with her anger, but am halted in my tracks as I receive a completely different type of physical contact to the one I was anticipating.

Spencer's hands tangle in my hair to hold my head steady as her lips meet mine in a bruising kiss, and her body presses into mine with a delicious friction that pulls a groan from me instantly. Without thinking I start kissing her back, the anger and frustration inside me metamorphosing into passion within a heartbeat. My hands land on her waist, my fingers gripping the fabric of her jacket without a care for the wrinkles I will be causing as I use the leverage to pull her closer, seeking more contact.

It is only when Spencer pulls away slightly that I realize I can barely breath, my desire for her overriding my need for oxygen. I pull huge gasps of air into my now starving lungs, the burning sensation letting me know just how long we were kissing. Spencer rests her forehead against mine as she does the same, her chest heaving as she drags lungfuls of fresh air from the room. Once our breaths have calmed enough to talk I feel Spencer pull back so she can look at me, and I immediately look away from her gaze.

Spencer's hands tighten in my hair, her grip forcing my head back up to look at her. Her eyes search mine, their soft light shining straight at me as her gentle voice admonishes me. 'Whatever else is going on in that gorgeous head of yours Paige, please try to remember that I care about you, deeply, and it would _kill_ me if anything were to happen to you'.

Spencer loosens one of her hands so that she can slide it down my face til shes stroking my cheek, and I can't resist leaning into her caress, the touch sending tremors through my body. 'I didn't mean to lash out at you Paige, I'm sorry for that; but I swear my heart just about stopped when I saw that newspaper. There was me thinking you were tucked up safe next to Hanna all night, only to get a smack in the face with proof that you weren't. It terrified me that you could have been hurt, alone and with no one at your back. It made me feel so guilty that I lashed out as soon as I saw you'.

Shame floods me, shame that my actions are still impacting Spencer without meaning to and I look away as I almost whisper my words to her. 'Please Spencer, I need to do it, you know I do. You more than anyone should understand why'.

'Oh Paige, I do!' Spencer dips down so that she can catch my eyes again. 'I would never try to stop you, I just want you to promise me that we will go together in future'.

Her words stops the protest I had ready, the words dying on my lips as I register the fact that she wants to fight by my side again, my equal partner. 'Oh'.

Spencer smiles at me, my lack of comeback not going unnoticed. 'Well look at that McCullers, I managed to make you speechless twice in almost as many days'.

The image of the first time she made me speechless pops into my head; kneeling on my floor as she pulls her top straight over her head, her body bared for my eyes. Arousal flares in my eyes at the memory, and I let out a growl of hunger as I stare at her and tighten my hands on her waist. I get a little smirk of satisfaction when I see a shudder run through Spencer's body, my growl able to induce a reaction from her.

Spencer closes her eyes and I see her give her head a little shake, her face once again becoming serious. She opens her eyes and looks at me, all trace of previous humor now gone as she takes a step back, my hands automatically releasing their hold on her as she does. 'Paige, I think we should talk about what the other night meant for both of us before we...'

'It's cool Hastings, it didn't mean anything for me either'. I can't stand the thought of hearing her say the words out loud so cut her off and say them first, hoping the wounds won't cut so deeply this way. 'We both needed solace in that moment, but now that moment is over and we've moved on'.

'It is?...We have?' Spencer looks at me with surprise and I figure she thought I was going to be clingy, especially after my little display of horniness just now.

I try to adopt a relaxed pose and push my face into a look of calm friendliness as all my real emotions are wedged under a large boulder that has the words 'DO NOT REMOVE' painted on the top of it. 'Of course; I don't get involved any more, I told you that'.

'Oh'. Now Spencer is the one stuck for words.

'I'm sorry I got a bit carried away a minute ago but I tend to respond when a gorgeous woman attaches her lips to mine!' I smile and wink at her to show I'm only teasing but the emotion feels fake and plastic on my skin, like I'm an actor playing a role.

'Oh that, yeah. I er, I just got caught up in my emotions and it was the first thing I thought of that would shut you up. I'm sorry, it won't happen again'. Spencer flushes and looks away, her face aflame with embarrassment.

'Don't stress about it Hastings, I know its Emily you really want'. I say the words with a smile on my face and a crater in my heart, my soul lost in a desert of pain at the truth.

I am saved from having to lie any further by the kitchen door trying to open. Because I am standing directly behind it the door only opens two centimeters before stopping and we hear a thump on the other side of the door, followed by a second one down by the floor, and a soft 'ow' a few seconds later. Spencer and I exchange glances before I step away from the door and pull it open, revealing a very disorientated and disgruntled Aria sitting in a heap on the floor.

Aria looks up at the pair of us as she rubs her forehead, her face scrunched up in pain. 'The door doesn't like me'.

I am glad of the distraction and crouch down next to her to gently help her up, my arm around her tiny waist steadying her rather shaky frame as we walk over to the kitchen table. 'Sorry Gummi bear, that was my fault for standing behind the door'.

I help Aria sit down and spring to organize a cup of black coffee for her, her smile beaming brightly at me as I place it next to her.

'Gummi bear?' Spencer is looking questioningly between me and Aria, her eyebrow raised in that oh so hot way that means she wants an answer. Now.

I laugh at Aria and give her a gentle squeeze. 'It's because Aria is all squishy and yummy'.

'No it's not'. Aria giggles and swats me away.

I pretend to be conspiratorial and mock whisper to Spencer. 'Nah, its really because she's got nothing but jello between her ears'.

'Ah, you liar!' Aria grabs a place mat off the table and throws it at me, her eyes alight with merriment despite her handover.

I easily catch the mat, spinning it between my fingers as Hanna suddenly walks into the room. 'Ah, perfect timing! Hanna, why do we call Aria Gummi bear?'

Hanna rubs circles over her still tired eyes and yawns widely, showing off her even teeth as she mumbles her reply. 'Because when she was younger and had braces she looked like a toothless grizzly bear'.

Hanna's reply sets Aria and I off into fits of laughter, and Hanna quickly joins in when she realizes what she said.

Spencer stands in helpless confusion as the three of us almost split our sides laughing, we have tears rolling down our cheeks and howls of merriment shrieking from our mouths as we continue to look at one another and set each other off again, giggling like schoolkids who have just said a naughty word for the first time.

Our ruckus brings Emily to investigate, her eyes widening in surprise as she takes in the scene. She addresses Spencer as she is the only other coherent person in the room, her eyebrows raised in question. 'What set them off?'

Spencer shakes her head in bewilderment, her face a picture of bemusement. 'I have no idea. All I did was ask Paige why Aria is called Gummi bear, and then they started doing this weird different answering thing before erupting into fits of giggles'.

Emily's eyes sudden clear and she grins at Spencer, her voice filling with laughter too. 'That's been going for years, Hanna and Aria play it all the time. I didn't realize Paige was in on it too'.

Aria speaks up from her spot on the chair, her frame almost prostrate from laughing so hard. 'In on it? Paige bloody invented it!'

Spencer and Emily look at me in surprise, and their matching expressions of incredibility set me off into a fresh wave of giggles, the injuries I sustained last night making me wince at the same time. Emily and Spencer can't maintain their frowns in the face of our laughter and I see smiles start to appear, their eyes glowing with good cheer.

'Well, this seems like a good time to ask my question then'. Emily is smiling at Hanna as she bites her lip nervously.

Hanna looks at Emily and rolls her eyes. 'If you can't walk in them, you can't borrow them. That's the rule Em'.

Emily shakes her head. 'I know the rules Hanna, and for record I could walk in them, just not very far'.

'You tripped over and ended up in a pile of garbage Em, that does _not_ qualify as walking'. Hanna raises her eyebrow and Emily looks sheepish while the rest of us laugh at the image.

'I've learned my lesson, no heels higher than Hanna's IQ'. Emily laughs at the outraged look on Hanna's face and hugs her to make up for it.

'So what was your question then?' Hanna is too nice to be offended by blonde jokes, especially as hers comes from a bottle.

'Oh', Emily smiles and looks excited. 'I was wondering if you would rent your spare room to me'.

'You don't need to pay to stay here Emily, you leave tomorrow anyway'. Hanna chuckles at Emily, her face telling me she's not understanding what Emily is trying to say.

'Er Han, I think Emily is talking about something a bit more permanent'. Spencer looks at Emily and receives a nod.

'Yeah, it turns out my internship is for right here in NYC!' Emily continues excitedly. 'I get a small living allowance for rent and stuff so...what do you say Hanna, you fancy a room mate?' Emily looks so excited, her face lit up like its Christmas Eve as she bounces up and down on the balls of her feet.

Hanna pulls her "this is awkward face" and shoots me a look. 'Gee that would have been awesome Emily, but last night I asked Paige to be my room mate, and she agreed'.

I see Emily deflate at the news, her face losing the sparkle that filled it at the prospect of sharing a place with Hanna. 'Oh, I see'.

'Sorry Em, but I'm sure you'll find someplace great and maybe you'll like living by yourself better than with me'. Hanna tries to build Emily back up, her voice encouraging.

Emily gives Hanna a grateful smile but still looks down in the dumps. 'Thanks Han but my living allowance isn't that big so I'll definitely need a room mate, hopefully I can find someone I get one ok with and isn't too much of a weirdo'.

'I dunno Em this is New York, everyone here is a little weird'. Aria as usual isn't the most helpful voice of the group.

'On behalf of the inhabitants of New York, HEY!' Hanna looks indignant for about five seconds before her brain moves her on to Emily's predicament. 'I'll help you look for places Em and I'll go with you to viewings, I'm totally awesome at acing room mate interviews. I aced three before I was told my Granma was going to pay for this place for me, so I know exactly what you'll be asked!'

'I have to interview for a room? Being able to pay rent isn't enough of a qualification?' Emily looks more disheartened than ever.

'This is New York Em, of course you have to interview!' Aria chips in enthusiastically. 'People here want fun, vibrant room mates; ones they can have wild and crazy nights out with and regal their friends with their exploits. In interviews you have to come across as really outgoing and unpredictable, but not too unpredictable or you'll just seem regular crazy and they won't want you as their room mate in case you burn the place down'.

Aria really should learn to just stay quiet sometimes.

Emily sinks down into the other chair and rests her forehead onto the table, her voice totally defeated. 'I'll never pass some "New York cool" test, I'm totally screwed'.

'Maybe not'.

Emily sits back up and looks at Spencer. 'Do you have a plan to save me?'

'That depends on if I pass your room mate test'. Spencer smiles at Emily and her whole face lights up with love and affection for the honey skinned girl, and I feel my heart shrink three sizes in pain.

Emily frowns at her. 'Spencer, we don't look enough alike for you to take the room mate test for me'.

Spencer rolls her eyes and places a hand on Emily's shoulder. 'Have you been taking blonde pills from Hanna? I'm not saying I'm going to pass the test for you Emily, I'm saying _I_ need to pass _your_ room mate test. So that _we_ can be room mates'.

Emily is silent for a couple of seconds, but Aria makes use of them instead. 'Does this mean EVERYONE will be living in New York except me? How is that fair!'

'You can't be a writer in New York Aria, there isn't enough ennui for your creative juices to flow properly'. Spencer's sarcasm is only half formed, her attention distracted by the lack of response from Emily. She bends down next to Emily's chair and tries again. 'What do you say Emily? You think you could see yourself living with me? I promise to always have the coffee ready in the morning, and you can have first pick on movie nights'.

A dazzling smile suddenly lights up Emily's face and she launches herself into Spencer's arms, her laugh loud in the quiet room. 'Yes! One hundred per cent yes! I totally want to live with you!'

Spencer catches Emily without effort and wraps her arms around her as she stands up, a huge smile on her face at Emily's agreement. Spencer's eyes flick to mine as Hanna and Aria congratulate Emily, her eyes searching for something in mine. I keep my emotions locked down and give her a small supportive smile with a nod of encouragement but on the inside I feel numb, my brain in complete meltdown at what is happening.

Emily is staying in New York. So is Spencer.

Spencer is moving in with Emily. Spencer is going to woo Emily while living with her.

Hanna has just told everyone I'm staying in New York. That means I can't suddenly leave without raising questions.

I'm going to have to see Spencer and Emily growing closer every day, and act like I'm happy for them. I feel sick at the thought, my is heart racing with the need to get out, to get away; but instead I stay rooted to the spot and smile like its the best news I've ever heard, because I know it is what Spencer needs me to do.


	20. Chapter 20

**No new baby yet, but it won't be long I'm sure.**

**Your reviews are amazing as always, please let me know how you think this one goes.**

**I value each and everyone of my readers, thank you all for taking the time to warm the cockles of my heart!**

**Chapter 20**

Life is a funny old thing.

The fist connecting with my jaw reminds me that right now is not the time to be ruminating on my life, that I am actually in the middle of a fight and should be concentrating.

I shake my head and pull my focus back to the present, my eyes narrowing in on the dirtbag in front of me. He is grinning at me with confidence again because he thinks I'm weakening, and is circling to look for another opening.

I drop my guard and let him think he has spotted one, seeing him instantly fall for it as he lunges at me without finesse. I easily counter his move and connect my fist with his face, placing it just high enough to break his nose.

Blood immediately starts flowing from his busted nose, and his eyes automatically water with pain. He takes several steps back and holds a hand out in supplication, his other covering his ruined face. I ignore his plea for mercy and move in, landing several well aimed kicks at his torso in quick succession, his grunts of pain music to my ears. I finish off with a roundhouse kick to his face, leaping high into the air and spinning a complete 360 before my foot connects, the dramatic flair cheering me up.

I land easily back on my toes as my opponent crumples to the floor, the soft thump muffled as a slow clap begins from behind me. 'I gotta say, that was quite the finishing move Bruce'.

I turn and bow dramatically, adding an extra dip of theatricality for my audience before walking towards her. My adversary was hardly a challenge, hence my mind wandering, and I am still breathing fairly easily so my words come without effort. 'Don't worry little Johnny, maybe someday, after plenty of practice, you can attempt it too'.

Spencer huffs at me before sticking her tongue out to show her displeasure at my sarcastic words. 'Do you have to keep calling me that?'

'I thought you liked having a pet name?' The voice changer makes my voice come out more sinister than intended so I turn it down a notch.

_It's been four weeks since I promised Spencer that she could come with me on my vigilante patrols, and we've been out almost every night since. I was hesitant at first because I thought Spencer might try and change the power dynamic, never one to take orders easily. _

_When Spencer didn't know who I was I called the shots, the power very much in my corner as I was the unknown entity; but now she knows who I am I was concerned she might try and take over by questioning my decisions and commands, pushing to exert her dominance more, but it turns out I had nothing to worry about._

_Spencer has been completely content to let me lead the entire time, deferring to my choices about where we patrol and when without question, and obeying my commands in the heat of battle immediately; even when it might not be completely obvious as to why I am asking her to do it. We have also found a natural rhythm during our patrols, a playful banter and friendly teasing that is easy and uncomplicated; whiling away the down time between fights, and I have found us growing close again, like we did back when I was visiting her in rehab. _

_The only problem is that our closeness is not helping my feelings for Spencer go away; in fact they are solidifying and becomes ingrained, much to my dismay. I have found myself opening up to Spencer more and more during out roof top chats, the solace of her by my side giving me the strength to work through my painful past instead of just ignoring it like I had been. _

_I had found the courage to tell Spencer about what happened with my family in the hospital after I was shot, and the decision I made in response to my fathers outburst. She listened in silence as I described the rows and physical confrontations my father put me through for weeks afterward as he tried to browbeat me into coming home, his ego not willing to accept me leaving on my own terms. Spencer was a rock of support as I spoke, for the first time, about the guilt I felt for leaving my mother alone; and how I had only been in contact via letter, never giving her a return address to contact me via. _

_Spencer in turn has also been opening up to me, telling me about what she went through in Radley and then the private facility her mom moved her to after. Spencer confessed that it wasn't just Toby's death she had problems dealing with, but that she had a boatload of guilt about putting my life at risk too. We had spend one night sitting on the roof of Barnes and Noble as Spencer has told me, in halting words, how she blamed herself for my injuries and everything that has happened to me since that night. Tears had flowed in plentiful supply on that dark roof as Spencer spoke of how she felt responsible for Emily and I splitting up, my lost scholarship, and my sudden disappearance from Rosewood. Spencer had looked at me with tears staining her cheeks as she whispered her apology, her eyes full of pain and sorrow at the harm she believed she caused me. _

_She had eventually broken down into sobs that racked her body with the strength of her guilt, and I had wrapped my arms around her delicate frame to hold her while she cried out all the pain she had held in for so long. Once she had got it all out of her system I tried to cheer her up by doing really bad impressions and actually made her cry again, but with laughter this time thankfully. _

_Since that night we have been really relaxed around each other, while hanging out with the others as well as on patrol; and we even indulge in mild flirting every now & then, mainly because I know Spencer is so focused on Emily that she has no idea of my feelings and isn't reading anything more than harmless fun into it. It's mainly teasing about the lack of action each other is getting; I'm obviously not interested in exploring New York's dating scene, and Spencer said she just wants to be a friend to Emily while she is still working out things with her girlfriend situation. _

_Emily on the other hand seems keen to explore NYC's gay scene and drags us out most weekends to some club or another she has discovered, avoiding dealing with her girlfriend situation completely. Spencer still seems like she is prepping for when she can woo Emily though, she is always asking me tips on dating a girl; would I prefer a candlelit dinner in a posh restaurant or a picnic somewhere quiet? Is the movies too much of a cliché for a first date and what type of movie would I see if not? Would I find it cheesy if my date turned up with flowers for me? _

_Spencer always asks under the pretense of finding out more about me, but I know its because she is nervous about dating a girl for the first time so I haven't ribbed her about it like I do with other stuff she geeks out about. It turns out Spencer is a huge Game of Thrones fan, and I spent a good few days teasing her that the only reason she likes it so much is the high amount of female nudity in it. I managed to make Spencer blush on a fair number of occasions, and finally got her to admit she has a crush on Daenerys Targaryen. Once I had managed to break her I admitted that I am also a Mother of Dragons fan, and then we spent a week having a GoT marathon; cursing and booing the baddies when they are being dastardly, then cheering and whooping at our favorites each time they came on screen._

_The only down side to our new closeness is my raging libido, which has been truly renewed since Spencer awakened it from it slumber. A simple act like Spencer resting her head on my shoulder and cuddling into my side as we watch Arya Stark stand up to The Hound is enough to make my heart race and my palms sweat, images of turning my head and connecting our lips running rampant through my mind for the rest of the show._

_Given my need to work off a lot of excess energy, and because I have promised Hanna I am going to be sticking around for a while I decided to sign up to a gym. I did try to find an abandoned place to work out in, but quickly discovered the amount of homeless in New York makes keeping anything somewhere unlocked for more than a week impossible. The only gym facilities I have previously used have been the ones at school, and that was normally with a few of the other girls from the swim team, so I had a bit of a rude awakening when I was trying out gyms in the area._

_The first one was a modern, sleek, and expensive looking place that catered to the well off. Hanna had a discounted membership thanks to her work and got me a free trial day but wasn't able to come with me to show me how everything worked. I managed to get into three separate arguments because I was "taking too long" with the machines, and ended up in a showdown with some narcissistic muscle head who thought I shouldn't be benching so much because "I'm a girl". I told him where he could shove his antiquated misogyny, and he told me that I had to "put up or shut up" so we squared off in a chin up competition. It turned out Mr. Muscle was all for show and couldn't even manage 20 before his arms gave way, leaving him very red faced and pissed off, while I got to gloat and walk out with my head held high. _

_The next place was less slick and more everyday, but my routines stood out in stark contrast against the middle aged moms who watched TV while they halfheartedly peddled their exercise bikes before sloping off to the sauna, and the posers who spent most of their time huddled in groups gossiping rather than working out. _

_I tried three different gyms where the only thing I managed to work out was my voice as I was constantly interrupted by sleazy guys trying to hit on me under the guise of "correcting my form" and had to repeatedly tell each one to sling his hook before I broke something._

_My worse experience was at a small independent gym where the personal trainer I was paired with for my induction got so enraged that I managed to out row him during our friendly competition as he was showing me the rowing machine that he actually started destroying the machine in front of me, and I had to pin him to the floor until he calmed down. I found out later that he was on anabolic steroids and had been fired from his job when his boss discovered he was pushing his clients to use "performance building medication" to increase their workout times'. _

_I had almost given up hope and was resigning myself to using what I could in derelict buildings when I stumbled across a tiny place in the village as I headed home from a trip out with my camera. The sign had faded to almost unreadable levels so it read "B Al's Gay Friend M" instead of "Big Al's Gay Friendly Gym". I had entered with some trepidation, not even really sure if it was still operating, but its neglected exterior was nothing like the contents within. _

_Inside was a fully functioning old school gym, free weights and punching bags lining the perimeter while a boxing ring dominated the center. All looked well worn in, but meticulously cared for and maintained. I walked further in as there seemed to be no reception area and spotted a guy that was working out on one of the bags, an older gentleman that was working at a leisurely pace but with determination. I moved into his eye line and waited until he had finished his set before speaking. 'Hey, do you know where I can find the boss round here?'_

_The guy shook his arms out to keep the muscles from seizing up as he looked me up and down slowly and I tensed slightly, expecting to be leched over again, but his eyes seem to hold no pervy stare; instead they seem to merely be assessing how fit I appeared to be. 'We don't do no personal training here, nor none of those boxercise classes that are in vogue nowadays'. _

_His voice was low and husky, with a timber to it that could make a hungry wolf think twice about choosing him as an easy meal. His frame had gone slightly to seed due to his age, but his arms were still thick and strong, the veins standing out due to the increased blood flow chugging through his system. His misshapen, squashed nose and cauliflower ears spoke of time inside the boxing ring, and I knew this was a man who liked to keep things simple. _

_'I need a bag, some weights, a little space and no one up in my business. Can I get that here?' I leveled my eyes at him and maintained eye contact, knowing that this man will be able to tell I'm telling the truth._

_He had looked into my eyes and nodded slowly, his wrinkled, lined face knowing and wise. 'You'll get that here, no worries on that score. The only folk that bother with this place nowadays are the ones that don't want anyone up in their business'. _

_He started to remove the wrapping from around his hands as he walked over to a locker by the wall, indicating with a shrug of his shoulder for me to follow as he continued talking. 'I have three rules for this place; respect the equipment, respect yourself, and respect all those that share this space'. _

_'You'll have no worries on that score'. I echoed his words and saw his lips quirk for a minute, before it disappeared back into the intricacies of his well worn face._

_He opened the locker and took a key from the shelf inside which he tossed to me gently. 'You lose that key, you buy me a new locker, coz I ain't got any spares'. _

_I caught the key easily and slipped it in my pocket without even looking at it. 'You trust pretty easily'._

_He looked at me solemnly and I almost squirmed under his gaze, the idea that he could see into my soul suddenly in my head. 'I can read folk pretty well, and I can tell you're not going to be any bother for me or mine'._

_He'd walked away and left me to it, not even asking payment up front; but I'd quickly realized that it was just the way he was. _

'We agreed on Blake, _not_ little Johnny. And its not a pet name, its an alias!' If I could see her eyes, I know Spencer would be rolling them right now.

I laugh and step over the whimpering man on the floor as I walk over to her. 'But little Johnny suits you so much better'.

Spencer punches me on the shoulder when I get in range, the touch nothing more than a tap compared to the ones we had just been dealing out to the guys we had come across trying to rob a woman a few minutes earlier. 'Little Johnny is a character from Ice Age 3 that gets beaten up by dinosaurs, baby dinosaurs in fact! Blake is someone to be feared by criminals, a kick ass dude who is destined to become Batman's closest confidant. I think I know which I prefer'.

'Aww but little Johnny is so _cute!' _I grin at her cheekily, and immediately wince in pain.

Spencer notices my flinch and cups my chin to look at my face. 'Looks like you let your guard down a bit there Bruce, you losing your edge?'

I stick my tongue out and probe the edge of my lip, finding an already starting to puff up cut. 'Nah, I was just distracted by your ass in those pants'.

Spencer doesn't respond, instead she releases my chin and steps away; and I know I've managed to make her blush. For a confident woman, she sure does go red when she receives a compliment, something I try to do as often as I can.

'You really should get laid sometime McCullers, you're turning into a horn dog; one that can't even keep their mind on the job'. Yup, Spencer is definitely embarrassed and is trying to deflect the attention away from her.

She takes a couple of cable ties out of her pocket and walks over to the guy she took down, pulling his arms roughly behind his back so that she can tie them there before doing the same to his ankles, moving on and doing the same to the one I put down once shes done. I follow her as she goes, the smirk in my voice obvious. 'A behind that good? I'm willing to take a little pain for the cause'.

Spencer straightens up and looks at me, her voice full of sarcasm. 'I'm glad my ass is worth risking physical injury for, but maybe next time I'll wear my old trousers to avoid damaging your face any further beyond repair'.

I clutch my chest dramatically. 'You're so pretty, but SO mean'.

Spencer chuckles at me as she gets out her phone. 'You're one to talk, you could write a book on the "Treat em mean, keep em keen" approach'.

Spencer's words confuse me and I open my mouth to ask her to explain, but am shushed by a raised finger as she starts to talk into the phone. I stay silent and listen as she tells the police where to find the two scumbags she just hogtied, the voice changer I managed to acquire for her masking her identity perfectly. The dispatcher doesn't bother wasting time trying to work out if the call is a hoax and takes the details immediately, the amount of hog tied individuals they've discovered in the few short weeks we've been in operation testament to our sincerity.

As soon as Spencer ends the call she starts to head for the fire escape of the nearest building and I match her pace, not willing to let the conversation go. 'Care to explain yourself?'

'What?' Spencer gives me a quick glance before she leaps for the ladder of the fire escape dangling six feet above our heads.

She uses the wall of the apartment block as leverage and easily reaches the ladder, pulling it down so that we can both climb it. I pause as we jog one in front of the other up the stairs, not wanting to raise my voice in case anyone in their apartment is sitting by their window at this late hour and hears us, preferring to keep our escape as invisible as possible.

Once we crest the last floor and are safe on the roof I switch my voice changer off and lower my hood, resume my questioning immediately. 'Who exactly am I treating mean Spence?'

Spencer switches off her voice changer and lowers her hood too, looking at me in surprise, her eyes seeming incredulous at my ignorance. 'You're kidding right? Even you're not _that_ blind?'

We talk in fits and starts as we move from building to building, heading for home.

'Blind about what?' I have cleared missed something.

'You really don't know do you?!' Spencer laughs heartily at the blank look in my eyes as she jumps buildings. 'Oh my god, even Hanna commented on it, and she doesn't come out with us all the time. I knew you were oblivious to most signals McCullers, but this is just too precious!'

I follow her across; her amusement at my bewilderment is obvious, and annoying.

Once we hit my block and we descend the building to hit the pavement I take my mask off so I can glare at her more effectively. 'Can you stop talking in riddles and just tell me please'.

Spencer also removes her mask and smirks at me. 'Answer one question for me first'. She pauses to get my nod before continuing. 'How many times in one night do you get hit on when Emily drags us out to a nightclub, gay or straight?'

I frown at Spencer's change of subject as we approach my building, not sure where she is going with this. 'I hardly ever get hit on, Emily is always the one fighting them off with a stick. What's your point Spencer?'

My answer seems to amuse the hell out of Spencer as she gets a big grin on her face, her eyes sparkling with amusement as we jog up the stairs to my apartment block. 'I'm sorry, I guess I worded that badly. Think back to the last time we went out, that dive called The Meat Market. How many times that night did you get asked to dance by strangers?'

I open the door once Spencer types in my code and wave her through in front of me. 'Loads, people seem to like the way I dance. Again, whats your point?' I still don't get why she is asking me this.

'Oh Paige, you sweet, innocent thing! Those people, ALL of those people, were hitting on you!' We're in the elevator so Spencer doesn't have to be quiet, her words echoing in the small space as she laughs at me.

Her words confuse the hell out of me, why would they be hitting on me? 'They were? Why?'

Spencer's eyes widen, her face a picture of incredulity at my question. 'Why?! Have you not seen the way you dance Paige?! You radiate _pure_ sex when you dance; all closed eyes and undulating hips with wanton abandon. You had the entire place literally panting with desire for you, and you had no clue! I thought you were just playing cool because you weren't interested in them, but you really didn't know!' Spencer almost doubles over as she starts laughing in earnest, her hands over her mouth as she tries to contain the mirth bubbling out of her.

In hindsight, now that it's been pointed out, it really is kind of obvious. My body does react to the music in a fairly sexual way and I kinda zone out when I get lost in the beat, but that's because being around Spencer gets me all het up and dancing helps me release some of that energy without having to resort to my left hand when I'm alone.

I didn't realize I was getting hit on though, because most of the time my mind is consumed by how amazing Spencer looks on the dance floor; her movements so fluid and sensual, and I am so focused on not jumping her the whole time that I don't read anything more into the offers to dance. I am too nervous to dance with Spencer when we go out, fearing being so close to her while we are both so hot and sweaty would mean I couldn't resist kissing her, so I either dance by myself or with the randoms that ask.

The elevator reaches my floor and I speak as I exit. 'Oh. Well that's awkward'.

Spencer manages to recover from her laughing fit and trots after me before the doors close on her. I unlock my door and we head straight through to my room to start removing our vigilante gear, our routine of packing it away as soon as we're back now a habit despite Hanna being away on a training course.

I've already put my mask, hood and staff in the lock box in my closet by the time Spencer continues talking. 'You really had no clue?'

I unlace my boots and kick them off, dropping my trousers as I go so that I can change into some sweat pants. 'I guess it just didn't entered my head that anyone would want to hit on me, I've never exactly been someone people consider sexy or hot'.

'Excuse me?' Spencer drops her mask on the floor as she whips back to face me.

I look at her weirdly, her reaction startling me. 'We went to the same high school Spencer, you know I didn't exactly have a swarm of admirers following me around'.

'You're kidding me right?' Spencer stomps over to me and grabs me by the arm. She knocks my sweat pants out of my hands and drags me over to my en suite, flipping the light on as she pulls me up to the sink. 'Look'.

I don't pull away but I avoid looking at my reflection and fix on hers instead. The sudden shift in her mood has me wary, and my jaw is set tight as I almost growl my words at her. 'What the fuck are you doing Spencer?'

'Look in the mirror Paige'. Spencer meets my eyes with determination, a fire flashing in them.

I'm really pissed that she is making me do this, my aversion to looking at myself making my heart go crazy. 'This is stupid Spencer, just let go of me'.

Spencer cups my chin gently. 'Paige, please look at yourself'. Her voice is suddenly so soft, the tone changed to pure plea, and enticing me with it's silky smoothness to comply instead of it's previous demands to. I am helpless to resist and reluctantly look at myself in the mirror, having to fight the urge to immediately look away. 'I want you to tell me what you see'.

'I see me'. I'm locked up tighter than a drum right now, my emotions pushed down as far as I can get them because Spencer is pulling this crap on me right now.

'Describe yourself to me. Tell me what each of your features look like to you'.

I want to shake her hand off, to storm out of this room and kick her out of the apartment for doing this to me; but I can't because Spencer has woven some sort of spell over me that I am powerless to resist.

Instead I take a deep breath and focus on my features one by one. 'Brown hair; medium length, average. Brown eyes; small, average. Nondescript nose; average size, average. Fairly standard mouth; lips are a bit thin, average'. As soon as I've checked off all my features I flick my eyes back to Spencer's. 'There, I've played your game, can I go now?'

Spencer's eyes have hardened since the last time I looked into them, the softness now replaced by something that resembles steel, and her voice has an edge to it. 'No. Now it's my turn, and you're going to listen'.

'This is ridiculous Spencer, just leave me be'. Spencer's hold on my chin tightens as I try to turn away, not sure I'm strong enough to cope if Spencer starts finding faults with me.

'I'll start the way you did, with your hair'. Spencer disregards my words and carries on as if I haven't spoken.

I close my eyes against the onslaught I am sure is coming, my breath caught in my chest, but open them again when I feel Spencer running her fingers through my hair. I look at our reflection and find Spencer is gazing directly into my eyes as she caresses my tresses, clearly waiting for me to lock eyes with her before beginning.

'Soft, luxurious, shimmering, and gloriously dazzling brunette hair that makes a person crave the knowledge of what it feels like under their hands; of how it would feel against their skin'. Spencer's voice has lost all traces of it edge; instead it now sounds like pure honey melted in whiskey, velvety smooth and coated in warmth.

A shudder runs through me at the sound of her voice; the sensuality in it, combined with the look of pure honesty in her eyes send bolts of arousal straight through my body. I swallow thickly as she continues, knowing that things are not going to get any easier as she strokes the side of my face.

'Your eyes next'. Spencer gazes into them like she can see right through me. 'Rich pools of liquid chocolate, so deep that a person can be lost in them for weeks and not even care. These gorgeous pair entrance and entrap all who see them, leaving them bewitched and beguiled; and forever your willing slave. Eyes that are so open, yet so guarded; so much caring in these bottomless orbs, and yet so much hurt'.

I see as well as feel a tear escape my right eye and run down my cheek, the droplet leaving a thin wavery track through the thin sheen of sweaty grime from New York's less than desirable streets currently coating my skin from our nights activities.

Spencer sees the tear and uses her fingertips to brush it away, her skin featherlight against my cheek. 'Your eyes have seen so much pain, yet they still see so much beauty in the world. Your eyes see good in those around you, yet they are clearly defective when they come to viewing yourself'.

I am completely incapable of speech right now, my throat totally seized up as I listen to the litany of praise being issued at me. Never in a million years did I imagine that this is how tonight would end, with me stood in my Batman pants (a gag gift from Hanna) as Spencer Hastings, the woman I am in love with, stands just behind me with her body pressed up against my half clothed body as she lists a cornucopia of desirable traits about me.

'Your nose is adorable, cute as a button and practically perfect in every way'. Spencer smiles softly at me as she traces the curve of the aforementioned feature, her fingers tapping the end of it lightly when it arrives, and I blush at how sexy she can make talking about my nose sound.

'Your mouth...' Spencer's eyes drop down to my mouth and I swear I see desire flash in her eyes, the pause in her sentence noticeable because when she starts talking again her voice has dropped a few octaves to sound even sexier. 'Your mouth is hypnotic; a sinful temptation that even the most devout find difficult to resist. Each curve is full of the promise of a beautiful smile or a wickedly delightful smirk, both enough to make your heart race and your body burn with desire'.

I am barely breathing, Spencer's description of me has blown my mind and knocked the wind completely out of my body. Her words are beyond anything I could of ever imagined, and I can tell she means every word, the sincerity shining out of her every pore.

Spencer turns me away from the mirror to face her, and our eyes lock without the aid a reflection to diffuse the strength of the smoldering look in her eyes. She places her hand on my face softly and runs her thumb over my bottom lip, the gentle touch sending heat coursing through my body. 'These amazing lips have incredible powers; they can chase away every doubt and fear a person has with a simple touch, and make you feel like the most beautiful thing they have ever touched'.

I place my hand over Spencer's one on my cheek, and it is only as my shaky palm meets her skin that I realize my whole body is trembling. 'Spencer...I...'

Spencer's lips cover mine, their touch whisper soft at first, but increase in pressure as soon as a whimper of need escapes me. Spencer's kiss is full of caring, her lips caressing mine in a way that conveys just as special she thinks I am. Her other hand joins the one already on my face and pulls me closer, our lips becoming more searching as desire spirals through us both.

My mind is only coherent long enough to be grateful that Spencer cut me off before I could finish my sentence...because I was going to say "I love you'.


End file.
